Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum
What exactly do people mean when they say "Get over it'?
80's Guy:
Obviously, I cannot speak for anyone else, but speaking for myself, I could not agree with you more Cleveland. The authentic growth that I should have made all those years, I have started to really make in the past three years of my life. Luckily, there were many areas of my life in which I did not stop growing at a younger age, such as my career (despite others' attempt to detour me). On one hand, there is something tragically sad about the idea to have waited all these years, but on the other, these have been the best years of my life. I wish I could say the same for living in the midst of group people, but unfortunately I cannot becuase I was not free.
One lesson I have learned, however, is to try to listen better to my heart. For instance, I felt deep inside, when I was 17, that I was allowing them to steal my creativitiy and passion for life. I almost lost these two preciousattributes completely, but Thank God my stubborness kicked in many times during those years and I hung on to what I had gained in my most natural setting before others tried to mold me in the image of "the revolution."
JaLong:
Thanks for sharing what you did Clevland. I know exactly what you are saying. I never knew who I was a 17yrs old in the seed. I had to cover up all my pain with drugs and drinking. While in the seed, I felt so much fear, humiliation, shame and guilt. Yet I had no outside substance to hide with. I also had a lot of anger- towards my parents for putting me in there, and for all the staff and old commers whom I lived with for 30 days, always telling me what to do. When it came time to write my "moral inventories" every night, I didn't know what the heck to even write. Since the Female staff was right there, I just winged it. I had no idea what feelings were. It wasn't until I went to therapy, and then AA (found out I am not an alcholic), did I begin to feel for the first time in my life. Sure I knew what love, happiness, and sadness felt like, but I had to learn that I was an adult with a childs emotions. I had a wonderful sponsor, and a great group of women who loved me unconditionally. I soak the "real" steps up like a sponge, and grew very fast. Doing all the steps I was very honest with myself and my sponsor. Ya know, the seed came up one time, and my sponsor reminded me that the seed was a part of my past. Not my today, and not my tomorrow. So I learned that "I let go a very long time ago." As I learned, "I let go and let God." I had a spiritual awakening because of the steps, and that is what my life is all about now. How best can I serve God? What is His will, not mine. I now know that living in the past ruins what blessing I may receive today. Even if it is just a smile from a stranger, or the sound of the birds singing. I'm sure you know the saying "keep it simple". That is the best way to live , for me!!
Anonymous:
--- Quote ---On 2005-06-23 21:17:00, JaLong wrote:
I had a wonderful sponsor, and a great group of women who loved me unconditionally. I soak the "real" steps up like a sponge, and grew very fast. Doing all the steps I was very honest with myself and my sponsor...So I learned that "I let go a very long time ago." As I learned, "I let go and let God." I had a spiritual awakening...
--- End quote ---
Thanks Julie, there are many of us who feel what you felt - Robin
Anonymous:
--- Quote ---On 2005-06-22 11:48:00, GregFL wrote:
"I think "get over it" in general means "I don't want to talk about it" or "your feelings about this subject aren't valid".
I am not saying just this forum, but in general terms. My ex wife was fond of that saying and it almost always pissed me off.
"
--- End quote ---
You are so off-base Greg...when I said "Get over it" I DID NOT mean "I don't want to talk about it" nor "your feelings about this subject aren't valid". Apparently, this is a "hot button" for you and others, and I hear that...
When I said "Get over it", I don't mean to 'dis ANYONE that is still struggling and working on unpacking their baggage, but rather address those of us who are actively working through whatever the past has dealt us and CHOOSE to look at the glass half full rather than half empty. Know what I mean?
Oh, our little narcissistic problems - "what about me? The "Seed" ruined my life; I'm crippled and can't move on; I'm dysfunctional, and my life is F***ED up because my youth was raped and stripped as I know it and I chose to be a victim.
Know what??? I moved on...I won't even begin to share w/ ya'll how my life spiraled AFTER the Seed. KNOW WHAT?? IT HAS NOTHING TO DO W/ THE SEED!! Go figure, it's all about S**T HAPPENS.
I don't understand - Greg, like you mentioned in an earlier post; we would have experienced the same changes "as adolescents growing up" regardless if we were inducted into the Seed or not. You are correct - just how we process that experience is a matter of strength, skill, will and creativity... Will you CONTINUE TO BE A VICTIM??
-R
Anonymous:
First, I have seen no one post "the seed ruined my life" or "I am crippled I can't move on". Who are you describing here and why?
It certainly didn't ruin mine. I will say it caused me severe problems as a teenager, but I overcame them. I have had a wonderfull life and continue to do so, and I wish the same for everyone here.
Second, The Phrase "get over it" is a conversation stopper. One thing I have learned in life is that it really doesn't matter what you mean when you say something, what is important is how other people take it. That is all. Go back and read my post where I said "in general" and "not in this forum", but understand that that is how I process that statemnt when people say it about anything. After my divorce where my ex wife had just done horrible things to me, if the conversation came up she would always blurt "get over it" . I think the phrase is insensitive, and thanks for the apology.
You say "will you continue to be a victim". Who is this adressed to?
If it is just in general, then perhaps it is good advice because anyone that continues to let their childhood trauma's vicimize them is making a big mistake. But again, throwing this kind of comment out there is a tad bit condenscending to someone who may be re experiencing or working thru some old crap.
I think freeing ourselves from victimization is good. I see evidence of people doing that on this forum. Ease up anon...we are on the same side here. There have been instances, even recently, where I said something inadvertenly that someone took wrong and I went back and apologized. It isn't the end of the world.
Why don't you tell us if the Seed was such a wonderfull experience and saved your life why you spiraled out of control after? what caused this?
your right.."Shit happens", but continuous self destructive behavior usually has anger or self loathing behind it. I know mine did. What caused you to spiral down? How did you pull out of it?
GregFL
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