Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum

FEAR ITSELF

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MG:
I found and contacted, or rather wrote an e-mail to, which received no response thus far.   Ha, imagine that?  They were cowards then to say ANYTHING to my face and they are still apparently the same cowards all these years later. Mr. Cleveland had the right idea sneaking out in the middle of the night.  What do they ever say to you?  So what the F would you say to them.  Well, I want to say it Decades later.  Hey, Terri Meyers kiss my royal ass you self centered arrogant Biatch.  You know you were maybe ten years older than me.  Give me those ten years and I would have been running circles around your head and would have laughed at your intimidation tactics.  You acted so damn tough and you thought you were funny.  Funny?  I did too, till I got to know you!  An ass YOU ARE.  You still remain in my mind as one of the most stuck up $&%&% I ever new, you and your little dog too.  You know who I mean. You used a girl as your lap dog, and she used to slather on your face.  KISSING you over and over and hugging you, and literally sitting in your lap, even when you were driving AND YOU LOVED IT!  In my later years I wondered if some of the girls were gay and it just went over my head????????????  I know you had something to do with my leaving and since you don't want to bother to write me back like the Peon you treated me like when I was there. I will stuff it up your ass here if I can.  I hope you get this message!  I have a child now that is older than what I was when you did what you did to me.  You called yourself, "wanting to help people," and got paid for it?  At least I was sincere in practicing what I said, ............YOU never spoke to me or even asked me how I was, or tried to include me.......EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.  YOU got your rocks off acting like you were better and I was invisible.  Were you jealous of me in some way?  Could you not stand having someone watch the truth every day?  I couldn't have cared less about anything but you staffers liking me you had me so f'ing brainwashed......that and my work, and you made sure you took that from me didn't you biatch.  I was climbing the ladder very quickly in that company because I was smart and I worked hard.  You made sure you and your dumb girlfriend got rid of me didn't you.  You treated the NEWCOMER like rat shit.  YOU NEVER EVER SPOKE TO HER EITHER.  THE TWO OF YOU NEVER SPOKE TO EITHER OF US IN THE CAR ON THE WAY TO WORK OR HOME 20-30 MINUTES EACH WAY!!!!  I USED TO FEEL LIKE I WOULD SHRIVEL UP AND DIE, AND BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T TALK TO HER OR ME SHE WOULDN'T TALK TO ME EITHER.  IT WAS LIKE BEING A HORRIBLE PRISONER.  WHAT KIND OF GOOD INFLUENCE WERE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?  WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST GO SOMEWHERE AND LICK EACH OTHER? YOU AND LeANN.  DID YOU GO AND BLAME ME FOR LOOSING THE NEWCOMER JUST BACK TO WORK, HUGH YOU SORRY BITCHES?  WHY DID LIBBY AND ART KEEP SAYING WE KNOW WHAT YOU ARE UP TO?  THEY HAD NO PART OF MY LIFE.  I TOTALLY BLAME THEM TOO.  FOR ALL THOSE YEARS OF TOTAL DEDICATION NOT ONCE WAS I EVEN TOLD WHAT I WAS BEING ACCUSED OF.  YOU ARE SICK STEPFORD CHILDREN AND YOU OWE ME A FUCKING APOLOGY IF YOU ARE LISTENING.  YOU ARE SO TOUGH AND BAD ASS SO WHERE ARE YOU'RE BALLS NOW?  FACE A WOMAN AND NOT A CHILD. IF THE SEARCH ENGINE HERE IS CORRECT THEN THERE ARE A LOT OF GUTLESS WONDERS WATCHING BUT NO ONE IS POSTING.  FDR:" THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR ITSELF".  IF YOU SIT QUIETLY IN MY OPINION YOU ARE JUST AS DAMN GUILTY....."OH NOT ME, I WON'T SAY ANYTHING. WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO ..................ME?" ...MEMEMEMEEMEM ............ WELL THEN YOU DESERVED WHAT YOU GOT.  NOT--------NO ONE DESERVES THAT, BUT YOU CAN'T JUST SIT BACK IN FEAR A PRODUCT OF YOUR ENVIRONMENT.  PEOPLE CAN ONLY DO TO YOU MOSTLY WHAT YOU LET THEM GET AWAY WITH, AND IF YOU SIT THERE SAYING, "OH THAT'S SO TERRIBLE,"  WHILE THEY DO IT TO THE NEXT GROUP OF KIDS AND SAY .........NOTHING...........THEN ROT IN HELL WITH THE REST OF THEM BECAUSE YOU KNOW, AND YOU ARE JUST AS DAMN BAD THEN FOR LETTING THEM GET AWAY WITH IT.
THERE ARE LAWS FOR ACCOMPLICES TO CRIMES WHY SHOULD YOU, OR WOULD YOU THINK IT DOES NOT APPLY TO THIS TOO?
I READ SOME SITES HERE IN THIS LAST WEEK SINCE I FOUND THIS AND, I AM APPALLED AT THE INHUMANITY TOWARD CHILDREN IN SOME OF THESE PLACES. FUCK THE SEED AND MY SLIGHTS..... HA.......... SLIGHTS...........HA........ HAHAHA
O.K. SO I AM TRYING TO MAKE A LIVING TOO AND HAVE NO TIME FOR THIS BUT IF I CAN FIND TEN FIFTEEN MINUTES IN MY DAY TO DO IT SO CAN YOU AND GET UP AND AT LEAST SAY SAY SAY SAY -SOMETHING.................... CAUSE YOU AINT DOIN' SHIT.  I DIDN'T KNOW REALLY TILL THIS WEEK AND IN CASE YOU THINK I AM BLOWING SMOKE OUT OF MY ASS I HAVE A LITTLE PICTURE PLAQUE OF ME IN THIS TOWN FOR MAKING A DIFFERENCE, AND IT WAS FOR HELPING KIDS AND PEOPLE IN NEED AND I DIDN'T MESS WITH THEIR HEADS I GAVE THEM THINGS TO MAKE THEIR LIVES A LITTLE BETTER FOR A SECOND........SO WHY IS EVERYONE LOOKING AND NOT SAYING SHIT??????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????
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P.S.SUCCESS STORY MY ASS.  I HAD NO DRUG PROBLEM WHEN I WENT THERE EXCEPT A LITTLE WEED!!!!!!!!!!!  I WENT THROUGH MANY YEARS OF TOTAL HELL TO BE IN THE PLACE I AM IN TODAY....IF ANYTHING, THE SEED PUT ME IN A BUBBLE THAT COST ME A LOT OF PAIN IN LIFE.
I AM GOING TO SAY WHAT I THINK AND THEY CAN JUST BRING IT ON.
WHERE ARE ALL THE LOOKERS?  I KNOW THERE AREN'T THREE PEOPLE ON THIS SITE.?

OH YEAH, AND UP YOURS TERRY MEYERS

WHO ARE YOU? IN A CAREER TO "HELP PEOPLE"  DON'T LOOK BACK AT THE PEOPLE YOU BETRAYED!
LOVE,
MARY

_________________

cleveland:
Whew! I am laughing all thru the post because it's so real and honest and heartfelt. Even if no one ever responds to it, it's got to feel good to get it out there.

I doubt you'll ever hear from any of the 'perpretrators.' It's true, they were taught to think they were better than us and so they could act like they were 'the shit' - you think they're going to cop to that years later? No way. It would be a shocker.

Good for you for having a son, starting a business and helping kids in your community. That's the real deal - not sitting on a stool in a warehouse full of kids lording it over them...

And I know there were staff there who sincerely wanted to help; but wasn't it tempting to look down on all the poor newcomers, and 'grunt' seedlings who did most of the scut work?

Stripe:
Dear Mary,

I too have felt your rush of anger, hate, and resentment; feeling just sick about the time and life that was stolen from me.  

When I read postings by seed supporters I just get sick to my stomach - because they still refuse to acknowledge the damage that this kind of programming causes.  The fact is, you may never get an apology from the actual people who hurt you. In fact, I would be shocked if that happen. Other supporters, not this LeeAnn, will tell you it was  based on "good intentions" but that does little to help you get through your shit right now.  

Aren't you glad though, that no matter what the conditions were of your leaving, that you did leave?  I got "kicked out" of a subsequent seed/religious cult.  I felt so lost, so friendless then.  Good seelding/christians refused to talk to me or acknowldge me on any meaningful level - besides telling me they would "pray for me..." I was a poor misguided soul trying to make it in the world without group think.  It broke my heart; I lost my best friend because I was so fucked up myself trying to live the good seed life.  Two young women in incredible pain and doubt - our friendship (which started when we were 13) was ruined by the seed.  

Yeah, I can surely understand and appreciate your fuck you all attitude towards these theives. It tempers with time. I was so fucking angry last fall when I figured out what had happened to me.  I spent 30 freaking years trying to undo someting I never really understood. Now I do get it.  I get that is was a cult, that it thrived on mind control programming and that for whatever reason, I caved to pressure.  

And, like you, I could not stay true to the regime. Probably the reason they gave you no reason for kicking you out was because you were thinking for yourself.  They knew they were losing their hold on you and to give you that information on the way out would, in their twisted ways of thinkning, somehow damage the greater good - The Seed. I would guess that anyone who was formally kicked out of The Seed was infact, thinking for themselves.  That's the threat. You did nothing but use your god-given brain.  Fuck them.

Raging and yelling - that's what this forum is for - and I think we all go through these stages, greiving for the time and life we lost because of our involvement.

And by the way, I think the whole boy/girl separation did cause some very weird sexual tension in people.  It seemed to force us to adopt same-sex contact as a release for our natural sexual energy at those early ages.  

Feel free to PM me if you want to.

Ft. Lauderdale:
Stripe were you actually at the Seed??

Stripe:
Why do ask if I was "really" in The Seed?  What lunatic would say so if it weren't true?  

Trust me, I would not claim so if it were not true. I'll see if my parents still have a receipt for the money they spent. Or maybe you'd like testimonies from the various friends and relatives I managed to completely alientate back then.

Maybe it was different when you were there. Maybe you liked it and think it was great. I was in from March 13, 1973 on the program till I graduated in the requisite 4 months, then old timer activity until mid-74. That was when I got caught up in the "spritual" side of the torture.

That reference to seed/christian was what happened in my high school. It kind of morphed from just plain seedlings thinking they were far better than everyone else into christian/seedlings who continued the superior attitudes reinforced by being "saved".  

Apparently I couldn't get enough of the exclusivity that cult groups provided.  Joke was on me though, as I ended up alienating almost every person in my life. [ This Message was edited by: Stripe on 2005-05-27 14:32 ][ This Message was edited by: Stripe on 2005-05-27 14:38 ]

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