Associated Press (AP),
VICTORIA DeGARMO, on assignment for ZOO news, reports authorities have concluded conducting interviews of former ZOO residents regarding the WHITMORE ACADEMY & BOARDING SCHOOL abuse scandal. The allegations are of a serious nature and encompass child abuse, assualt, neglect, fraud, breach of contract, and racketeering. A baby kangaroo brought the allegations to the attention of authorities, which now involves several federal, state, and municipal agencies.
Stranger still, tweaker and peek er (SUDWEEKS) appear to be operating the ASYLUM at near capacity, most probably due to the anticipated exorbitant attorney fees due, as the SUDWEEKS have retained lawyer JACK.
Miss DeGARMO further reports local merchants have reported a run on towels and ritalin, as the SUDWEEKS appear to be hoarding these items, indicating their anticipating a long period of seclusion within the halls of the ASYLUM.
More information forthcoming, as this story continues to develop.....I'm VICTORIA DeGARMO (mama ALANA's kin), reporting for ZOO news.........I'm OUT.............AMF