Author Topic: Didn't we all used to be friends?  (Read 13468 times)

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Offline Anonymous

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Didn't we all used to be friends?
« on: May 01, 2005, 09:18:00 PM »
Don't you all remember the time we graduated/ or left the school and promised each other that we would keep in touch? We promised that we would remain friends forever? Well it looks like most of us never kept our words, from what we said at MMS. We told each other we loved one another and cared for each other during group. We cried together when times were so rough, and even laughed together when times were tough. We saw each other everyday...we basically knew each others's deepest secrets. The greatest thing I ever learned there was what amazing girls we were all capable of becoming and what great friends I was capable of having.

Even though we cared for one another we were all trying to make it through--and we were willing to keep our mouth shuts even though we saw some  being treated unfairly. I know most of you who have recently posted about your great experinces at MMS, and I feel as though you are only looking in to your own stories. I could see in to your  eyes (during my stay) and I knew that you were scared. scared of getting in trouble, scared of being picked on, scared of being humiliated. You were my friends when I was hurting, and you said you would always be there. Where are you all now, friends? I did not receive a single letter in the mail...of those who promised to write to me. So if you were so honest while at the school how come there is no honesty now?

We do not care about each other as we should..as we pretended.
and if you do care LISTEN....listen to those who trully feel hurt. Why would someone bother to complain 5 years later? Why would they bother in saying anything at all...and not just move on? The hurt is still there..and its undeniable. help your friends. Don't try to post your positve experince over theirs, as a way to shut them up. We all need to be heard. I need people to hear me and listen because it still hurts. don't just say "deal with it, move on."  Don't keep on posting all your great experinces just to compete about it. There are underlying facts...and they can not be denied.

I am remaining anonimous because I feel there's hardly any support. Just to name a few aya, whitney, Rebecca, Jessica, I knew you all, and I do not think I know you anymore. I even saw many things that were done to you guys that were unfair, and now you say that it was great for the most part? What about some of us who you knew back then? Did you not care about everyone then?
If you had a good experince that is a great thing, but can you stop making it seem as though the rest of us are liars? I sat in group telling my story in detail-embarrased, ashamed, humiliated- and not wanting to, but being forced in order to keep everyone and myself out of trouble. I was acused by John as a major problem and I sat there while he told me what a "manipulative little shit I was" and he had other girls bash on me. You all sat there and witnessed it. How can you deny these things? I am not trying to bring you guys down, but you say good things and bad things happened, but can you just say if it was right or wrong instead of making justifications.

We are all trying to see the truth here. I am glad that it helped you all for the most part,but what helps others trully hurts others and this matter does not need to be ignored. Think hard about things and be aware that some of us need your help. still years later.

and many of you have also stated "MMS changed my life"..well "it was definetly a change of life" being pUt in the middle of nowhere in Montana, and after a few years ofcourse it's going to have an effect on you. give yourselves credit though -YOU CHANGED YOUR OWN LIVES.
Think hard about things and be aware that some of us need your help-still years later.
I STILL CARE ABOUT YOU ALL
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Didn't we all used to be friends?
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2005, 10:09:00 PM »
Friend,

  Those who had a good experience are attacked for saying that.  Those who didn't are attacking the school and the others.  When I read those who had a good experience, I do not hearing them attacking or attempting to invalidate others' experiences, but obviously the emotions are so strong that they are taken as attacks.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline WhitneyS

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Didn't we all used to be friends?
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2005, 10:19:00 PM »
What you have said is unfair, and to name people personally is even more unfair.  I do not know who you are, but as you have stated, we were there together.  Obviously we have not kept in touch or I would be more understanding of your experience and what happened to you.  "Didn't we all used to be friends?"  Yes.  And we still are.  I to this day communicate with most of the girls I went there with.  If you think you don't know me, its because you haven't cared to contact me.  
"Where are you all now, friends? I did not receive a single letter in the mail...of those who promised to write to me."
Um, did you write me?  Because every letter I received I responded to.  Every message left was a call back.
Its been five years anonymous.  I have grown five years older.  I have graduated high school, gone to college...  Among those things, I have also had some bad experiences.  My ex-boyfriend tried to kill me.  I had an abortion.  MY DAD ALMOST DIED.  Do you know any of this????  No.  You dont.  You judge me because my experience at MMS was positive?????  I never took away from you that yours wasn't.  Nor am I competing for good vs. bad at MMS.  Of course there were things there that happened to me that were unfair.  Did they help change my life?  YES.  If you are unhappy, I am truly sorry.  And if you want my support, you have it.  But my life has changed and I AM happy.  And I credit what has happened to the experience I had at MMS.  You didn't know me before I went there... You don't know me now.  You don't care what happened to me when I left.  All you care for is that I justify share your negative views with you NOW.  I will support and accept your experience.  Believe what you want, but I am a good friend not only to the girls I have in Arizona, but to girls from MMS.  If you want my friendship, email me.  Call me.  I AM HERE.  But please do not negatively comment on my life when you dont know ANYTHING about it.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Didn't we all used to be friends?
« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2005, 10:25:00 PM »
what the heck does all that have to do with the topic?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #4 on: May 02, 2005, 12:07:00 AM »
Let the loving, let the loving come back to me.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #5 on: May 02, 2005, 12:27:00 AM »
I did not go to MMS. I am an adult just reading this forum. I have to say that after reading through some of the posts it is very easy to see how people who had bad experiences there are feeling like they have to defend themselves to the ones who had the good experiences.

You may not think you are, but those of you with good experiences are sounding like your are attacking those with bad. Like you are better than they are somehow. Now, I'm being objective and reading this as someone from the outside. This is the perception you are leaving me with. If anyone else who wasn't there is seeing this please share. Maybe it will help these ladies to realize how they are coming off and to think about how others are feeling as a result of what they are saying.

Obviously you were there, you saw what happened.

I suppose a lot depends on your lives before you went there. If life was living hell for you pre-MMS then the experience of being there might have been positive. It's obvious now that you were there when things went on that were out and out wrong. I mean, come on. How could anyone think that the things we are reading were right? No one, I don't think. At least no one in their right mind. It is hard to imagine, for me, someone from the outside, to read you say how positive this was when you were there to experience and witness the wrongs we've read about. Shame on you! You are hurting others by your statements, it's obvious. Maybe you should go back and read your posts and really objectively read them to see why others are perceiving this.

It seems that life before must have been really rough to see this as the thing that was positive and that it changed your life, for the better. Have you ever thought that maybe you would have been a great person even if you didn't have to go through those horrible things?

Maybe drugs had taken over and you stopped taking drugs at MMS. Of course you did, you were out in the middle of no where. There wasn't much choice, was there?  Maybe it was the first time you could have really deep relationships with other girls. Maybe it was the first time you were away from someone who was abusing you. I don't know.

What I do know is that people posting here are very sensitive. The ones with the good experiences as well as the ones with the bad experiences.

And the last post was uncalled for where you said you have all these friends from MMS that you have stayed in touch with and yet you never stayed in touch with the person posting. Why not? Why didn't you write to her? Did you wait for everyone else to write to you? Maybe you should think about how you are making others feel. Like you came out of there with tons of friends, life is wonderfull because of MMS, and so on.

For many others life was not so wonderful and they worked damn hard to get to where they are today. Most of these ladies are now working, going to college, doing wonderful things with their lives, and are mothers. Do they credit MMS for their successes? Not in a million years, and from what I've read, I don't blame them a bit. Their changes, their accomplishments are their own. They did not need MMS in order for those changes to occur. Remember, growing up does happen to the best of us. Even without MMS!

This is a raw subject for them and they are trying to share their stories. It would be nice if you would dig just a little deeper to find that place where you can quit being so righteous and just be nice and thoughtful. These were your friends, remember.
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Offline Anonymous

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Didn't we all used to be friends?
« Reply #6 on: May 02, 2005, 12:43:00 AM »
Being forced to be nice to people under the threat of severe punishment does not a group of good friends make. I mean, come on.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #7 on: May 02, 2005, 12:57:00 AM »
No, it doesn't. Good friends would be a whole lot more sensitive than what I am seeing here. Shame on you ladies. You have lost sight of something here - it took a lot of courage for those of you who shared your very personal, painful experiences. I'm sure those of you who did were hoping to get support from your fellow classmates.

Rather than worry about those who are posting "I had a wonderful experience at MMS, and it changed my life" (even though in the next breath they admit the abuses went on) just ignore it. They haven't yet come to realize that this is plain hurtful when someone is sharing their painful experiences.

Instead, focus on those who will support you. Go back through the threads and find them, they are there. If you really do want support, and I know you do, there was one who even shared her e-mail. Katfish, I think.

I think it would be worth your time to get in touch with her to see if she's heard from others. Connecting with them, the ones who will listen and undersand, the ones who share your feelings will be a much more positive experience than trying to deal with all of this negativity. It feels almost like a power struggle between you girls, like a tug-of-war. It's kind of intersting when you think about it. Maybe these are some of the things that are coming about because of some of the experiences you had. Maybe the pain is coming back from what happend in those sessions. Regardless, no point in wasting your energy on the negative and on those who are making you feel bad. Just find the ones who will give you strength.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #8 on: May 02, 2005, 01:24:00 AM »
Hey, how about a truce?
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Offline jroot

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« Reply #9 on: May 02, 2005, 01:41:00 AM »
I don't know if when you named Jessica, you meant me, but It's unfair to name names when you don't. I am sad sometimes when I don't hear from people or I will miss people sometimes, but we all have our lives to live now. I know I'm very busy just trying to finish college and pay rent. Please let me know if you need to talk.
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Offline enge4815

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« Reply #10 on: May 02, 2005, 02:02:00 AM »
hey jessica
Are you the hypoglycemic soccer chick who was from seattle? It's rebecca engel we went to MMS together. I just wanted to say hi and let you know that I was thinking of you. we went on our mom's retreat together. I hope that you are doing okay and if you ever need anything let me know. E-mail me at eeyore19_us@yahoo.com. Thanks kiddo for your post. I hope that you can also check out classmates .com they have a MMS section fro when we went there. Write back if you want.
Rebecca
P.S. to everyoen who wants me to stop posting you got what you wanted after this. I am sorry you can't handle that i had a good experience ther and am trying to reconnect with friends.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
am only here to share about my experience opinion, and goals outside of MMS. I don\'t agree with all but I also don\'t agree with all MMS stood for either. When you read my posts I invite you to make your opinions and write back to me about what I said. B

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #11 on: May 02, 2005, 02:27:00 AM »
I totally agree with the things stated in these few pages.  I too have some major resentments.  I re-entered teh world with a new outlook on life, one which completley alinated me from my peers.  I couldn't be in relation with anybody that was "in denail." My language was that of a therapist that had years of experince.  I know that my parents were only doing what they knew, but I hate the state of Montana.  And yeap, I said exactly what I needed to say to ensure a safe return home in two years.  I still have nightmares about getting sent there now at my age of 22, and having to be there for years.  I'm tormented by the experince.  Trying to explain it to others is not even worth the time because they never seem to understand.  Even when I'm sober and doing the AA thing, it's hard to really educate others on this time in my life.  It still hurts me today as well.  I tell people that I went to a "militaristic/emotional grwoth/ re-hab/boot camp/ hell/ boarding school."  I feel that's the only way to get it across.  My dad asked me often if I talk to anyone from MMS and I just laugh and say F*** no.  But that reaction is because I try to put that soooooo far behind me, but it's hard.  My "best frined" at MMS I haven't even spoke to since a left there.  Maybe once or twice right after but that was it.  And fuck, if I'm loaded or drinking......well then no one will have anything to do with me.  But the truth is that I'm a narlly drug addict and alcoholic and I'm 22, so that's a rough combination.  The years after MMS have been anything but charming and perfect.  Soooo much struggle and so much regression.  I'm so torn over this subject.  I don't know what action should be taken if any....but I'm gald that I can finally tald openly about it.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #12 on: May 02, 2005, 02:37:00 AM »
You've taken the first step. Sharing your story with people who have been there would probably be helpful. Many here will understand what you went through and you don't even have to explain yourself. Someone listed as Katfish gave her e-mail I think so it might be good to write to her and maybe you and others can start communicating and reconnecting. It just might help get your life on track. The answer is not drugs and alcohol. There is so much out there for you. Maybe this will be the first step to healing. I hope so.
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Offline Antigen

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Didn't we all used to be friends?
« Reply #13 on: May 02, 2005, 04:56:00 PM »
First of all, let me commend you ladies for being civil and decent to one another. I'm not being facetious! Just take a look around some of the other forums on this server. There's a lot of "discussion" among ppl for or against a particular program, individuals in a program, individuals in the here and now and what is and is not a worthy way to deal w/ the situation. So far, not one of you ladies has asked another to kindly kill themselves, go jump in a lake, etc. I'm not kidding when I say that makes you more mature and just nicer people than we typically see affiliated w/ this industry. So kudos to all of you!

That said, and at the risk of being a nibshit, I think I'm starting to better understand why people who value their Program experience are so uncomfortable w/ hearing the views of those of us who don't. There's a basic and important conflict between what you had to say (and possibly believe) and some of what was going on.  

You tell a girl that you love her, that you're a true friend, that you'll always be there for her. But, at the same time, you have to stand by and even take part in attack "therapy" sessions where your dear friend is on the hot seat. In order to get by, you have to pretend (maybe even to yourself) that this is good for her, it's what she needs, that it's not harmful or hurtful. You couldn't defend her then. Hearing about those painful incidents that occured when you were helpless to protect your friend might be a bit hard on the nerves.

Are you feeling a little guilty? Well don't. We all did the same to some degree or another. We all understand. The only people who don't understand the harm they're doing are those who are still doing it. And those people probably never will understand. Doesn't matter. All that matters is that the rest of our community begin to understand so they will quit letting it happen.





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« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
"Don\'t let the past remind us of what we are not now."
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #14 on: May 02, 2005, 05:38:00 PM »
Very well said, Ginger.
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