Perri, it's about empathy. Part of the reason many of us post here is to try to encourage parents to maintain a certain amount of empathy for their teens in a time of life when growing humans are naturally just pains in the butt.
Old age is a good comparison and empathy-trigger because we become dependent again and with all our growing aches and pains and fears we become pains in the butt.
Some of this issue revolves around how you treat family members when they're going through stages of life where they can't help being really difficult to be around. It's a philosophical kind of question, and one of the things this issue triggers parents to consider is how would (will) they want to be treated when *they* are dependent and frequently frustrating, dependent, financially draining, and annoying.
We're all unpleasant and burdensome at some stages in our lives. If you want your family to be close knit and be there for you, you have to set an example and uphold or establish that tradition by being there for them.
I think one of the key questions in placing a child for residential care is whether you're placing them for their good because they're an active danger to themselves or others, or whether you're rationalizing and really placing them for *your* good because they're real pains in the butt and you "shouldn't have to live like this."
That latter rationalization is why seniors often end up in nursing homes.
It comes down to the personal choice of how tightly knit you want your family to be. Nobody can make that choice for you, but if you choose less instead of more, then you can expect to be treated more or less like you treated others.
It's a real lifestyle sacrifice to care for the seniors in your family instead of delegating that care. It's a real lifestyle sacrifice to help them stay functional at home for as long as possible.
A survivor of a less-than-necessary stay in an RTC, looking back and assessing that necessity with the full experience of parenthood themselves, may not decide to place a parent for revenge---but are they *really* going to put themselves out and sacrifice more of their personal lives to keep their parents out as long as possible?
They *might* out of love and forgiveness, especially if the parent has worked hard to rebuild ties and trust, but they certainly don't *owe* it to their parents.
Do you think Ginger would move her mother into her house if the mother that hasn't spoken to her in years had a stroke? Maybe, maybe not. I certainly don't think she *owes* it to her mom since her mom has been purposefully estranged for all these years. I *don't* think she'd ever in the world choose a bad place on purpose.
But the bottom line of empathy is to picture yourself in the other guy's shoes and treat him the way you would want him to treat you if your positions were reversed.
And if invoking empathy gets through to even one parent and gets them to parent better rather than worse, I'm all for it.
Timoclea
