From the 'Experts'
http://www.safety1st.org/lets_talk_parents.htmlANSWERED BY MARSHA ROSENBAUM, PhD
"Should I tell my kids that I smoked pot in college?" ?Monica, mother of a 17-year-old son and 14-year-old daughter, Palo Alto, California
Dear Monica,
You are not alone in struggling with this difficult and very personal question. Many parents of teenagers today experimented with marijuana when they were in college, even high school. They worry that if they admit to their own drug use, it will send an affirmative signal to their teenagers.
Each family must find their own comfort level in divulging past drug use. However, in the spirit of maintaining an honest dialogue with your teenagers, admitting that you experimented might have a positive effect on your relationship.
You may find that you come across as a more credible source of information if your teens believe you know something, first hand, about what they?re experiencing.
If you have stopped using marijuana, you might explain why, and this may be an important lesson to your kids. What happened in your life to influence your decision?
Some parents feel they have to denigrate their past experiences in order to reinforce abstinence messages, even if they actually have no regrets. I believe this approach actually diminishes parents? credibility because they become less believable to their teens.
"What if a parent thinks that pot is basically harmless, non-addictive, etc., and condones the use of it by allowing kids to smoke it, or by smoking with them?"
This is a very challenging and emotional question. We believe it is crucial to distinguish between morality and actual concrete negative effects. We, as researchers and scientists, do not take a moral position.
There are many parents who believe that marijuana is fundamentally harmless. Usually they have used it themselves without serious consequence. According to Professor Mitch Earleywine, author of Understanding Marijuana (2002), although marijuana is not addictive in the conventional sense of the term, its use does cause problems for approximately nine percent (9%) of users. It is also illegal, putting both adults and their teenagers in jeopardy.
Some parents feel that their teens are safer staying home and avoiding the public use of marijuana, so they allow them to use it in the house. Many of these parents are convinced that their teens will use marijuana anyway, and would prefer the safety of their home to the street. The same attitude is also true for alcohol, and the belief is that it?s better to stay home than drink and drive.
When teens get older, there are those adult marijuana users who believe that, like sharing a beer, there is little harm in smoking with their college-age sons or daughters.
Every parent has to make their own decision about whether to use marijuana, whether to allow their teens to use it in their home, and whether to smoke with them. They should know that while they are keeping their kids off the streets, they may also be contributing to increased use and putting themselves and their teens in a very vulnerable legal position, since marijuana (and alcohol) possession and use is illegal.
ANSWERED BY DR. RODNEY SKAGER
"I have had problems with substance abuse in the past. How can parents with substance abuse problems (past or current) talk with their kids?" ?Father, Oakland
It is difficult to tell our children about things we are not proud of or are embarrassed by. However, those experienced with alcohol and other drug (AOD) problems are in a unique position to speak to teens with authority. One way to frame the discussion is, using Dr. Andrew Weil?s metaphor, to talk about people's "relationships" with AOD. People can have positive and negative relationships with AOD. Our job as parents is not only to describe good and bad drug effects, but also to teach our children when a person's relationship with a substance(s) is not healthy or safe.
Parents can use their experiences to illustrate the progression of an unsafe relationship with AOD. By including the positive experiences you may have had, you will be better equipped to demonstrate how, over time, you began to see how your AOD use and your relationship to the drug was interfering with having a fulfilling and happy life. Warning signs of a bad relationship with AOD include:
When you use a drug when you are working or going to school.
When you tell yourself you will not use and you find yourself using anyway.
When your relationships to friends, teachers, parents or other important people in your life are impacted by your AOD use.
When a majority of your time or money is being spent finding, buying, and using drugs, as well as being hung over as a result of drug use.
Be as honest as you can. Try not to close the door on future discussions by issuing ultimatums or loading your teen with a lot of guilt. Let them know that you hope they do not choose to experiment with AOD, particularly the drugs you yourself had difficulty with, but if they do, assure them that they can count on you to be there for them, no matter what.
