The part that I find troubling is not having people in my life who understand the intensity or specifics of the RMA/Cedu experience. They can?t fathom the base experiences I describe or the intimate friendships I forged (never mind the peculiar lingo). It is just too far from their experience in life, never mind high school, for them to grab onto. Sometimes I feel lonely about it. When I?ve had the chance to sit with someone who had been though the same program as me I have found it to be great and to have an immediate sense of connection with them ? the aha, they get it moment.
At this point in my life having graduated from RMA isn?t loaded though it was to a certain extent when I was younger and closer to my experience there (I?m 30). Where RMA was concerned, I used to be somewhat careful with whom I shared that part of my life story with and what I choose to keep private. Sometimes that meant changing the subject, sometimes that meant drawing boundaries (?My experience of high school was different than for a lot of people and I don?t want to talk about it right now?), and sometimes I choose let people into that part of my story. In retrospect, I never had a bad outcome from talking about my experience. At worst people just thought it was weird and didn?t really want to know anything more, and at best, a friendship was made deeper (in great part because at some point people ask what I did to get sent away).
I?ve come to the point now where I don?t mind talking about RMA with people as long as they are genuinely curious and their queries don?t feel exploitive or voyeuristic. I?ve had some really nice conversations about my time and work at RMA. When people talk about their high school experiences in a group I chime in with things that were similar (sports, friends etc.). If someone asks me where I went ? I tell him or her the name of the school. Sometimes that is the sum total of the conversation and sometimes not. Often people will probe or say, ?I?ve never heard of that school?? or ?was it a boarding school?? I usually counter with ?Yes, an alternative boarding school. You know, the type for troubled yutes?? In my experience that use of humor forces the conversation down one of two paths ? either people veer into another realm of dialogue because they really don?t want to know more than I have told them, or they become intensely curious.
At this point, going to RMA has become like any other major piece of my story and maybe that is why I now feel safe to talk about it. I don?t have the expectation that the listener respond in any particular fashion ? or rather I feel OK with however they respond, whether good, bad, or indifferent. I have to admit though that I don?t mind the ?oh my God, you turned out so well? type of stares or comments now. Usually those awkward moments are an opening in a conversation and serve to make the other person more aware of their biases, stereotypes, and judgments. ?Well what did you think that someone who went to one of those schools would be like?? is usually a good way to make clear to them that their assumptions are probably misplaced most of the time.
Best, M
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on the road of experience...[ This Message was edited by: mad on 2004-08-09 10:18 ]
