Author Topic: anyone else?  (Read 2013 times)

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Offline Anonymous

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anyone else?
« on: August 09, 2004, 07:56:00 AM »

Is there anyone one else out there that hates the bio 101 conversations, that seem obligatory when people first meet?    You know the questions like where did you grow up?   I did blah in high school, what about you?

I usually change the subject or ask people to tell me about themselves. Thankfully, most folks enjoy talking about themselves so not having to talk about me is easy.   I also have a stock of simple answers about my past that are generic enough to not arouse additional questions. Most people had a moderately mellow childhood, so if leave blanks in my story the assumption seems to be that my experiences are akin to theirs.

But I have to say, that nearly 20 years later there a part of me that still hurts every time someone asks, where did you grow-up?   Or says, I was on the track team in High School, did you play any sports?  I understand that these questions are an innocent attempt to find common ground between two people ... but I still hate them.

The vast majority of my friends went to better schools for under grad., and graduate school.  HS was challenging for them in the usual ways.   I listen to their stories, and if I can find a shared experience that is mellow, like learning to ski to I chime in my tale.

My partner and my closest friends know the truth about my experiences growing up, and when we are at a dinner party they lend a hand in re-directing the conversation to something I am more comfortable with.  I just have no desire to become the "wow" story.    I hate when people say, wow its incredible you turned out the way you did.   When I get the "wow" crap -- I just want to say -- Well Fuck you -- what do you expect -- that I am suppose to roll over and wallow in self-pity.  Sorry, but I am not that kind of girl.  

But I am wondering, is there anyone else out there that has this challenge?    And if they do, how do you deal with it?  Also, does anyone else find that talking about things like RMA just seem surreal?  I can not even find the right words to convey what being at RMA was like.   The whole RMA experience is just too wierd to describe to someone who was not there.

FYI: Yes, I am seeing a shrink.

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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #1 on: August 09, 2004, 08:49:00 AM »
I like to talk about the weather.I try to avoid sex,politics, and religion. I like to talk about music. It's universal, just try not to make a game out of it. Let the other person talk and be tolerant if it leads to something confrontational. Let it roll off your shoulder. If someone starts to bragg try humor. Jokes are great anecdotes in speeches and also in getting to know someone. Make the jokes clean though. I still have problems with some people but then who am I to judge over it all. It's just a conversation. If someone has you pegged all wong then just know that.You don't have to prove yourself or explain anything to anyone. That's how I deal with meeting people. I always try to try the humor first. I don't take myself that seriously on conversation. I know where I've been and what I believe. I shouldn't have to always tell people this. They don't want to know anyway.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #2 on: August 09, 2004, 09:45:00 AM »
Believe me, CEDU was too weird for words... I never talked about it with anyone until I came to this site.  The few times I tried, the people couldn't even believe a place like this exists... it was way outside their range of understanding.  None of my friends had ever gon eto therapy let alone a BM school.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #3 on: August 09, 2004, 11:38:00 AM »

BM school -- I never heard that term until I came to this site.    I can not decide if it makes me think of b.f. skinner or a bodily function.   I guess either is appropriate.

I think this site will help me convey to my therapist what RMA/CEDU was [is?] about.   I have not even started talking with the therapist about RMA.   After a year and half we are still working on trust issues.    We were going to try the rapid eye movement [REM] stuff to work on the PTSD, but even REM needs to have a bit of trust between the client and the therapist for it to work.   One things that I learned at RMA was how to look good.

But now that I am in my mid 30s,   I am paying the price for looking good.    I have many of the accouchements of a so-called ?normal? life, but the cost that I?ve paid emotionally for achieving when I really wanted and needed to rave may have been too high.    What I learned from RMA and pre-RMA was how to disassociate. I?ve become quite the expert at disassociating when I am awake.   I can visualize my childhood and RMA, but I cannot feel much about it, except to know that I am angry and that it sucked.  I intellectually know that there is more underneath, becuase when I do talk about my past I have nightmares.

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Offline Deborah

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« Reply #4 on: August 09, 2004, 12:09:00 PM »
I hope you've found a good therapist- one who's worthy of your trust. Can you talk about what s/he is doing to foster trust, and your understanding of EMDR? I've heard it is very effective for 'PTSD'. Hope you'll share your personal experience with it as you continue through the process of deprogramming.
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Hidden Lake Academy, after operating 12 years unlicensed will now be monitored by the state. Access information on the Federal Class Action lawsuit against HLA here: http://www.fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?t=17700

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #5 on: August 09, 2004, 12:14:00 PM »
I'll be happy to share my experiences re: EMDR.  But I must say, I am a bit away from trying EMDR with the therapist -- beyond the trust issues -- she's a bit concerned that I may not be able tolerate the material that EMDR can bring up.  

In many ways just having a place to come and vent with a population who'll understand some of what I am gabbing about will be very helpful.   Thank you for the invitation.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #6 on: August 09, 2004, 12:28:00 PM »
Anon, I hope you feel welcome here to talk about your experiences. It's good to vent. You might want to read some earlier posts from awhile ago. I read all the posts from the beginning and it was vindicating. As of late, there are a few people who write calling us wimps and tell us to "get over it." I hope you won't let that deter you from writing as there are others who are willing to listen.

shanlea
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Offline Deborah

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« Reply #7 on: August 09, 2004, 12:55:00 PM »
She thinks you might not be able to tolerate it? That is curious to me. I don't know what she is thinking. You survived it when it was actually happening, you can definitely survive recalling it in the present. I don't mean to minimize the distress it brings up, but one can get stuck in avoiding the unpleasantness for years, just talking around the edges.
 
Everyone has their own pace, but a year and a half seems a long time to build trust with a therapist. What she's doing may be exactly correct, but just a word of caution: there is cause for concern with some therapists, who do little and drag therapy out for years. I personally might visit with a few more therapists, in the hopes of finding one that I had an instant repore with. It is possible. Or take charge of your sessions and tell her when you are ready to delve into the memories. You can always pace yourself and back off if it gets too intense.

Either way, hope you'll provide updates on your progress.

Have you read the article on one of Wasserman's proteges? He was very successful in business but his life was a sham. You can read it here:
http://www.rickross.com/reference/herba ... life9.html
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
gt;>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Hidden Lake Academy, after operating 12 years unlicensed will now be monitored by the state. Access information on the Federal Class Action lawsuit against HLA here: http://www.fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?t=17700

Offline mad

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« Reply #8 on: August 09, 2004, 01:11:00 PM »
The part that I find troubling is not having people in my life who understand the intensity or specifics of the RMA/Cedu experience.  They can?t fathom the base experiences I describe or the intimate friendships I forged (never mind the peculiar lingo).  It is just too far from their experience in life, never mind high school, for them to grab onto. Sometimes I feel lonely about it.  When I?ve had the chance to sit with someone who had been though the same program as me I have found it to be great and to have an immediate sense of connection with them ? the aha, they get it moment.

At this point in my life having graduated from RMA isn?t loaded though it was to a certain extent when I was younger and closer to my experience there (I?m 30).  Where RMA was concerned, I used to be somewhat careful with whom I shared that part of my life story with and what I choose to keep private. Sometimes that meant changing the subject, sometimes that meant drawing boundaries (?My experience of high school was different than for a lot of people and I don?t want to talk about it right now?), and sometimes I choose let people into that part of my story.  In retrospect, I never had a bad outcome from talking about my experience.  At worst people just thought it was weird and didn?t really want to know anything more, and at best, a friendship was made deeper (in great part because at some point people ask what I did to get sent away).

I?ve come to the point now where I don?t mind talking about RMA with people as long as they are genuinely curious and their queries don?t feel exploitive or voyeuristic.   I?ve had some really nice conversations about my time and work at RMA.  When people talk about their high school experiences in a group I chime in with things that were similar (sports, friends etc.).  If someone asks me where I went ? I tell him or her the name of the school. Sometimes that is the sum total of the conversation and sometimes not.  Often people will probe or say, ?I?ve never heard of that school?? or ?was it a boarding school?? I usually counter with ?Yes, an alternative boarding school.  You know, the type for troubled yutes??  In my experience that use of humor forces the conversation down one of two paths ? either people veer into another realm of dialogue because they really don?t want to know more than I have told them, or they become intensely curious.

At this point, going to RMA has become like any other major piece of my story and maybe that is why I now feel safe to talk about it.  I don?t have the expectation that the listener respond in any particular fashion ? or rather I feel OK with however they respond, whether good, bad, or indifferent. I have to admit though that I don?t mind the ?oh my God, you turned out so well? type of stares or comments now.  Usually those awkward moments are an opening in a conversation and serve to make the other person more aware of their biases, stereotypes, and judgments.  ?Well what did you think that someone who went to one of those schools would be like?? is usually a good way to make clear to them that their assumptions are probably misplaced most of the time.

Best, M

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on the road of experience...[ This Message was edited by: mad on 2004-08-09 10:18 ]
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n the road of experience...