Dealing with Straight consequences, also where are Orlando s

[jpearce75]

I was in Straight Orlando for 20 months, from march/april of 1990 to december 20 1991.  I just recently talked to someone who had a brother and sister in the Kids program in Jersey.  Talking to her brought up feelings and nightmares I had supressed for so many years.  I decided to talk to my counselor about it all, but it still feels like there is noone to relate to.  It feels like there is noone that will understand me, so I decided to see what was available ion the net.  All the hurt, pain, sadness is revisiting me because of the emotional and physical abuse I endured.  I feeel like many of you will understand where I am coming from and could be a good support for me.  I want revenge on the people that did these things to me, but i dont know if that is even possible.  I also am terrified for the ones who are in these sort of "treatment" centers right now.  Also if anyone is out there that was in the orlando straight, i would like to hear from you.  I was pulled from the program and soon after moved to Arizona, so I did not keep in contact with anyone.  If Dax or George are out there, hope you guys are ok and would like to hear from you.

[Diane B]

Hi,
I understand where you are coming from.
I felt many of the same feelings you have now a few months ago.  My father used to tell me it was so long ago just forget about it but it is not that easy.  I did not have a drug problem when I got stuck for 11 months of hell, I had three beers before I went in the program.  I copped out off of 4th phase so when I left I had no contact with anyone in the program for a long time and even when I did it was minimal.  ntil I did a web search I had no idea that so many felt the same way I did and it was a comfort that I was not alone and have found a place to talk about things that most "non straightlings" just do not understand.  I am now healing I hope the same benifit of these kind of sites now does the same for you.

Diane
Va straight 85-86

[ladyjerrico]

I understand where you are coming from as well.. I talked to one of my co-workers about it (one that I can very much trust) and she didn't quite understand it until she saw 28DAZE, and then she felt so much sympathy after seeing it, she said 'how did you get through that?' and she said she would have probably gone apeshit if she had to deal with a lot of the things she saw on that video.
I told her that I was a strong person and I didn't allow them to 'break' me by running and I just kept adding the days until I was 18 and told myself over and over in my head 'this day will never repeat itself and time can only move forward' so by doing that Straight didn't allow me to want to be there.. I only made it to 2nd phase which was fine enough for me because I didn't want to go to school and I certainly didn't want to work being in the program.
I needed to focus on one thing at a time and too much responsibility was too much for me to handle.. I'm sure I would have made it past 2nd phase.. but nobody really explained to me about the 2nd phase responsibilities when I got them anyway, so I was more or less afraid to go to a higher phase because of it.

I have dreams about being in rehab lately.. mostly with my job now and Straight at the same time, it's quite strange, but I just look at it as something that I don't really have control with, that and the fact that I know it isn't real, and I just think about the real life situations I have now, because really dreams and past things don't matter to me because I'm dealing with present issues and I can't change what happened, even thought it was going in my head over and over, there isn't much I can do to change it, it will just be the same memories I've had for a few years and nothing that anyone says can change the fact that I was there and spent 7 months in hell.

[Diane B]

What exactally is the 28 daze video?  I have heard of it before. Where would I obtain a copy?  Lord I hope it is not off the computer I am very new to this thing I think I need to take a class:)

Diane

[jpearce75]

Thanks for the support.  I really do appreciate it.  Being in there for 20 months and going all the way up to 5th phase then being sent back down to 1st phase really bothers me also.  Along with that I get pissed thinking about how much it screwed up my education.  You know how you get to go to school on 3rd phase and after, well in our program we would be restricted so often that once I got out of Straight, I still hadn't passed the 9th grade.  I was finally pulled 5 days before christmas(the best present ever)and I was 16 years old.  I finally said screw it and when I moved out to arizona I got my GED and started going to a community college right after.  I get really angry/upset when I think about it because I was not able to be a normal kid since the age of 14.  Im just venting right now and I'm sure you all feel the same but I wish I could recapture what was lost.

[Carmel]

Believe me, most on this board can sympathize with your feelings.  I was the same in that I did not even think to do a search on the internet for Straight related sites.  Its funny, that seems to be the case quite often.  People get on here and wonder at the fact that they never even thought of it until that moment.  Maybe we all have a point when its time to reflect and acknowledge what happened.  The best place for that is where others can understand and empathize.  No one I know can truly understand what it was like in there.   I myself just passed it off as a "less than desirable" experience.  Now, I have begun to experience symptoms of anxiety and depression....and its like a big wheel turning in my head, linking my time in Straight to my behavior now.  

Dont feel like you are imposing by venting, it happens often on this board...even for those of us who have been here a while, it just feels good to log on one day and tell a story about something that happened to us there.  Kind of like Group...but under our own terms, not theirs.

You may have been in the Program with some of the people I was in with.  I went to the Dallas Program, but several of our people were transferred to Orlando and I think maybe even everyone who was left after it closed down.  Does the name Jennifer Siler ring a bell?

[jpearce75]

Doesn't ring a bell, but that is not surprising either I only remember a few names from there and hardly any women because of course we were not as close to them.  Never really got to know the girls.  I was wondering if everyone had the same feeling when you pulled up to the building each morning.  I remember feeling anxiety, fear, and depression every single damn day.  Never knowing what to expect(meaning if you were going to get confronted that day or not)  God I hated that feeling.  Not a good way to start off each day.

[Antigen]

On 2002-05-01 07:46:00, Diane B wrote:
What exactally is the 28 daze video?  I have heard of it before. Where would I obtain a copy?  Lord I hope it is not off the computer I am very new to this thing I think I need to take a class:)


Diane

Sorry, it is on computer. suport@fornits.com. And you can always use the link at the foot of any Fornits page or the menu at the left to find my contact info.

[Diane B]

Thank you, I figured it out:)

Diane

[kaydeejaded]

I am pissed off about the education bit too. I was in there for 13mons and then discharged to a psych. ward. in RI. Not only did they fuck up my education they branded me insane. I am just now starting to get a little less bitter. Finding these websites is what has helped me. I could not even explain to my friends what is was like in there. I am from NY and the Straight I was in was 4 1/2 hours away from my home. No one could understand where I had been or what it was like in there. I nightmare. I also hate authority, a problem my parents seem to think is my own problem but I think it is related to Straight. Of course I am not going to trust anyone I was tortured by a place that was legal! I do not have respect for the government and am not a flag waver, I love this country for one reason and that is because it is where my son is and I want to keep him safe and that means the US has to stay safe other than that no trust at all. I got my GED also but I have never really found my niche, I went to community college and have 7 more classes for a human services degree but I still have no idea what to do. I cannot work in a rehab I don't believe in them. I cannot work for the government to them I am a nut. Certified thanks to Straight, I don't know maybe I am not over this bitterness at all. Whatever I just feel where you are coming from. .........kady Boston 89-91

[ladyjerrico]

kaydee, I understand about what Straight put you through and in response I never got my Art Scholorship because I was in Straight drug rehab during high school.
If I didn't screw up my life and wasn't put there, I would have stayed in my regular high school and would have recieved a scholorship to any art school in Michigan (according to what my Art teacher had told me when I went back to that school after Straight).
I don't have the best job in the world.. but it's better than any two bit job pushing shopping carts and having a physical challenging one like working for UPS or something like that.
I know what happened I can't do anything about because we haven't discovered time travel yet.. but when we do! :smile: Until that day I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and pay my bills and be a good citizen.

I just don't know what is happening to the world lately.. we're hearing about all these bombs found in mail boxes.. NY is getting all sorts of things going on.. and it's devastating to watch with that one building that collapsed in one of the cities, the Trade Center and a plane that crashed a few months later in one of the rural areas not too far away.. my heart goes out to NY and I plan to visit when I get some money together, I've always wanted to see Central Park and the Statue of Liberty.
Are potholes still a major problem? my parents drove through that city about 8 years or so ago and ran into a pothole and busted a tire.

[ChrisCahill]

Hi jpearce75,

I was there from Sept. 89 to May 91.  I remember your name and I think your face (Dax & George as well).  I completely understand the feeling of loss.  I lost my father a few years back and wish that I could have spent that year and a half with him and my family rather than in the gulag.  Today is the first time I have ever searched for information on straight and am blown away by much of the info I'm finding.  I always saw it as cultish mass movement, but never realized so many others did as well.

CHRIS

[Anonymous]

Straight hasn't been easy for me to process. To make a long story short. I had to relearn what "love" was all about.

In Straight, we were stupid :wstupid:. We didn't know anything about love because we were druggies ::puke::

Revelations of past abuse make me naseauted.

But I still believe in LOVE. I know that there is a vast difference between loving your brother and ratting on him and humiliating him in group. Of course, I was no longer in the program when I learned this. In group we were taught that betrayal was deep love.  ::puke::  Here I go again!

But I'm going to make the best of my life. I won't live in a world of wound, even if it is my God-given right to be angry. I don't want to empower that system of abuse, of tormented fears, of earned love of our families, of innumerable laws and statutes designed to cause us to fail, and become helplessly dependant upon itself. In my mind, the most effective resistance to this monster called Straight is to live the fullest life possible. It's hard to do that in a world of wound. Amen? I enjoy talking about it, but I'm not going to become overly obsessed about it when I am free today. I am not in Straight today.

I am sober today, because I am free. After relapsing for six years, I could not get sober until I was truly free from torments which are in part a result of my time at Straight. Once I got free from the torments and lies, staying sober was not a problem at all. I don't go to AA meetings. They depress me. I don't have a "support group" per se. The truth set me free and I've been sober again for 21 months. There's no struggle. I have a life, I have hope, my mind is free. I pray because I enjoy it, not because it is a fearful requirement, for it is a delight and pleasure.

I think it's fine to vent and all about Straight, but we also need to have those problems resolved. I feel that we need to heal. The more we can laugh about Straight instead of mourning all the time our losses, the better off we will be in the present. It's fine to expose the problems of that system, but the best way to beat a corrupt system in my view is to be the opposite of it.

Example: Straight was controlling and mean-spirited. So, I am going to be free and free people and be happy.

Straight was uptight. I'm going to be laid back.

Straight was Republican. I'm going to Democrat (no, never!)

Straight was gay. I will be straight. (HUH?)

Straight was crooked. I will be straight, and the true definition of straight. I will take the word "straight" into my own hands and expound it's true meaning. Like Neo in the movie THE MATRIX, I will run toward the evil agent called Straight inc., jump inside it's body with all it's preprogrammed instructions via it's solar plexus, materialize within it's body in the form of transcendant glory exploding it's facist dogmas of mind control into mutating shards of failure and dismay,  while abiding in a perfect liberty and peace.

Anyway, you get the idea.

Man, if only I had  just done THIS while I was still in the program!

[METALGOD8]

I hope that you will join us in protecting society from these straight inc people. They are still working on the youths of today. Unlike the rampant abuse that was common inside the warehouses way back when, they have taken it a step further. They bought rulings from the U.S. Supreme Court, they bought ambassadorships, they bought lots of things and people, all with your parents' money. To think that you are so free now is wonderful. I wish I could be that way too. Unfortunately, the straight inc still exists. I am helping put an end to it all. Please understand that you are not obligated in any way to join the scores of people who have decided to put a once and for all end to the abuse and crimes. This country is a free one, for the most part. I just wanted to remind you about the fact that straight inc lives now, in the shape of other entities and programs. It's high time that these programs be TERMINATED, don't you agree?   MG8   :smokin: