Straight hasn't been easy for me to process. To make a long story short. I had to relearn what "love" was all about.
In Straight, we were stupid :wstupid:. We didn't know anything about love because we were druggies ::puke::
Revelations of past abuse make me naseauted.
But I still believe in LOVE. I know that there is a vast difference between loving your brother and ratting on him and humiliating him in group. Of course, I was no longer in the program when I learned this. In group we were taught that betrayal was deep love. ::puke:: Here I go again!
But I'm going to make the best of my life. I won't live in a world of wound, even if it is my God-given right to be angry. I don't want to empower that system of abuse, of tormented fears, of earned love of our families, of innumerable laws and statutes designed to cause us to fail, and become helplessly dependant upon itself. In my mind, the most effective resistance to this monster called Straight is to live the fullest life possible. It's hard to do that in a world of wound. Amen? I enjoy talking about it, but I'm not going to become overly obsessed about it when I am free today. I am not in Straight today.
I am sober today, because I am free. After relapsing for six years, I could not get sober until I was truly free from torments which are in part a result of my time at Straight. Once I got free from the torments and lies, staying sober was not a problem at all. I don't go to AA meetings. They depress me. I don't have a "support group" per se. The truth set me free and I've been sober again for 21 months. There's no struggle. I have a life, I have hope, my mind is free. I pray because I enjoy it, not because it is a fearful requirement, for it is a delight and pleasure.
I think it's fine to vent and all about Straight, but we also need to have those problems resolved. I feel that we need to heal. The more we can laugh about Straight instead of mourning all the time our losses, the better off we will be in the present. It's fine to expose the problems of that system, but the best way to beat a corrupt system in my view is to be the opposite of it.
Example: Straight was controlling and mean-spirited. So, I am going to be free and free people and be happy.
Straight was uptight. I'm going to be laid back.
Straight was Republican. I'm going to Democrat (no, never!)
Straight was gay. I will be straight. (HUH?)
Straight was crooked. I will be straight, and the true definition of straight. I will take the word "straight" into my own hands and expound it's true meaning. Like Neo in the movie THE MATRIX, I will run toward the evil agent called Straight inc., jump inside it's body with all it's preprogrammed instructions via it's solar plexus, materialize within it's body in the form of transcendant glory exploding it's facist dogmas of mind control into mutating shards of failure and dismay, while abiding in a perfect liberty and peace.
Anyway, you get the idea.
Man, if only I had just done THIS while I was still in the program!