samara. A book that might help is wm. Sargents the physiology of brainwashing and conversion,
It might help to know that this is a physiologic process and that anyone can be broken. anyone can also be healed, too. Don't know what it'll take to heal you, but I know it can be done. Talking is a damned good start. ( waking up in a Texas jail or a Cambodian jail Is a start, too, but not so good, interesting as hell, but not so good)
Sooner or later, you're gonna be all right.
From animal medicine, know cardinal principals.
Joy and laughter are Cardinal Symptom of health. Pursue them.
Anger is also a cardinal Symptom of health. Pursue it. Corpseman will tell you that what they do is 'piss ;em off, then make 'em laugh, then they'll live That's just plain true.
I am sure that i have a peculiar point of view, because I am a Christian, and i did not come to that view by accident.
Here's what i know.
I will like you better, and you will like you better, when you are fierce and proud. You can be and will be. Won't be long. J.O.M.