Author Topic: DAYTOP Did Me Great Harm in the Long Run  (Read 58869 times)

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Offline SEKTO

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Re: DAYTOP Did Me Great Harm in the Long Run
« Reply #330 on: August 05, 2009, 04:26:29 PM »
Please chant and be happy!  I have been nibbling the mail-order seeds.

http://www.venganza.org/
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Inculcated

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Re: DAYTOP Did Me Great Harm in the Long Run
« Reply #331 on: August 05, 2009, 04:34:25 PM »
Giggles!
Öand whew. SEKTO, you had your accountabilibuddy a little worried.

Thatís a most complex carbohydrate.
 While I respect the rights of the Pastafarian to their beliefs,
Iím saddened that theyíre going to hell for their inability to either disprove or acknowledge Bertrand Russellís Tea pot.
I was on the precipice of sleep when a vision of the invisible pink unicorn came to me.
She told me I would have to take one of Virgilís guided tours of hell (passage back not guaranteed), and give the dragon in Saganís garage a name before I could ever hope to ascend from the unbearable ďlikenessĒ of being.
She cautioned, ďThereís enough psilocybin in this to get a Pegasus through the Mitote and back before dawn. So, just a nibbleĒ. Then she used my voice to quote Ingrid Berman from Gaslight. ďThen, I donít know what I do anymore! Dream. Dream.Dream...Ē

All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream- Edgar Allen Poe
Quoth the raven,Ē nevermoreĒ
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
ďA person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be freeĒ  Nikos Kazantzakis

Offline SEKTO

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Re: DAYTOP Did Me Great Harm in the Long Run
« Reply #332 on: August 05, 2009, 04:59:25 PM »
Inculcated, I hope you're not starting to imagine things again...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=GB&hl=e ... jDcvlWUk9E
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Offline Inculcated

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Re: DAYTOP Did Me Great Harm in the Long Run
« Reply #333 on: August 06, 2009, 04:44:39 PM »
SEKTO:
Of course, Iím imagining things. The principle of indeterminacy teaches us that itís what keeps gravitas from getting us down. (winks)
Leonard Cohen - Hallelujah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttv5dyvtF4o
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
ďA person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be freeĒ  Nikos Kazantzakis

Offline Inculcated

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Re: DAYTOP Did Me Great Harm in the Long Run
« Reply #334 on: August 08, 2009, 01:54:18 AM »
(WARNING the following is a mercilessly emotive blog)  :suicide:

 inculcation:

Iíve been in the program for what seems to be a long time to me.Ultimately,my time served within Daytop will span over two years.

 14 now.The director smiles at one of my acerbic quips and tells me that I am something else. Iím flattered. Iím someone else. This is what Iíve become.
Iíve become one of them. When I first arrived my blushes were reserved for the excruciating embarrassment of being called upon to read the philosophy aloud in morning meeting. I had stared down at the paper in my hands, unable to look up and see myself being seen.

I canít see myself anymore. I see what they see. I am in a way I canít grasp as invisible behind this faÁade as I had silently willed myself to become during my first morning meeting.
 
I am a coordinator. I take my status very seriously. I carry my clipboard everywhere. My hypocrisy goes with me.  I actually believe I am showing love most ardently when I do so at the top of my lungs.I hold no reservations about holding even counselors accountable for missteps. They are expected to be the embodiment of theĒ refugeĒ Iíve been promised.

Secretly, I kiss the boy who looks like Keifer Sutherland. This is a titillating rebellion. Moments afterward, I will fear and resent the possibility that he may out me by dropping his guilt. I resume my composure by spurning his attentions as if nothing happened. Later in the week, I get his ass busted down to Housekeeping, (my crew) so I can keep a watchful eye on him.

Iím not all bad. Iím the best person to have in charge of the new members and the ones thatĒ need help working their programĒ. I am a bullyís bully and dropping a slip on one of my crew comes with the threat my feedback.

Iím much smaller than most of my peers, but intimidating. I have the advantage of being raised in a way that prepared me for the arena. In encounter groups, the kids that are into conflict lean into the heat while I clear my throat. Others stare at the floor the way I once did.

The Tuesday following getting my tonsils taken out, a record number of slips are dropped on me. I may have found my voice in encounter groups, but my peers decide itís time they had their say.

Dissonance, Iím living it. I am hurt by the feedback and canít tolerate the truths. Iím angry and self righteous and tenaciously clinging to my image conscious awareness of not seeming to image.

A new staff member takes an interest in me. I tried to be oblivious to the intent. Later, when Holly comes across the parking lot and expects me to be flattered that he ďlikesĒ me, Iím grossed out. ďHeís like twenty something"(which seems ancient to me at the time. I had seen Loganís run and thought the outfits were cool and didnít see the big problem about the whole ascension thing). Heís on the fringe, but he takes us to the lake and organizes a car wash so we can go to six flags. This nice guy creeps me out. I actually didnít believe the rumors that he was into pot. I try to ignore him.

The tryciclics Iím being prescribed (again) kick in. Suddenly, I can be counted on for little more than sitting in the corner with my hair drawn over my face and pulling at my split ends. I am endlessly told that I am slipping, and I truly ache from the conflict of having disappointed them.

Each night I leave the daycare facility to go home to a hell I never did trust a Daytop staffer enough to try to describe. They were ignorant of all of that they were reinforcing with their punitive love. The trauma attributed as the cause of my "behavioral issues" was treated so brutally so often, that I would rather die than ďdare to shareĒ anything more with them.

I am put on chair. I am quietly indignant. I am not offered an explanation for why Iím sitting there. (Sweating you out is part of the process.) When brothers K&K who are also on chair decide itís time to split, some mixture of outrage and a nic fit causes me to join them.

Michael Gorman does something unheard of. He gets in his car and tries to get me to return to the facility. I am crying because Iíve let him down, but I donít understand how. And, itíll be years before I could ever attempt to understand that my feeling let down by him was valid. I cross traffic to avoid him and run. K&K who were walking ahead of me catch up with me on my new trajectory. We were never close, because they never fell in lock step like I did, and I never liked them.

Weíre in this together, I guess. We wander for a few hours. The boys have a plan and a place theyíve been told they could go.
By evening, I am seated on the couch at my counselorís apartment being smoked out. He tells me the pot is good. I donít know what nightshade means. I try to follow the conversation, but my head is spinning. Nothing makes sense. Well, the only thing Iím real fucking clear on is heís sitting way to close to me and is telling me I can crash there.

D. comes over. He was my expeditor. Heís got a promotion coming. Iím confused by his appearance and by the casual way he scores before leaving. Iím just waking up to the fact that my hypocrisy has had plenty of company. I suppose among some of the kids the dual role of this counselor was common knowledge.  

Iím high and I donít want to be there and Iím running through the fog trying to come up with an alternate destination.

I can only speculate that it was D. who called the cops.  There is a knock at the door. My name is called. The sounds of their radios tell me what to expect as I walk over.

Iím handcuffed. One of the officers stands with me outside and the other questions the counselor. Must be one smooth talking S.O.B.
During the ride, the officer sitting in the back with me chats me up. Iím not interested in making any new friends. I respond honestly that ďnothing happenedĒ. I canít remember how (or if) how I came to be so obviously stoned was addressed. The friendly one asked me about the counselor and I respond with something so sweetly spoken and lewd that the one driving glances back at me over his shoulder. That pretty much ended the discussion.

It will be a long time before I ever feel like making friends again.

Iím sent to NY. I am strip searched three times upstate. The dose of sedatives I was given for travel numbs me for the first (Thanks Mommy). It is my resignation to my situation that causes me silently to allow the other two searches.

I am brimming with the invectives poured into me at the last house meeting. It was announced before my departure to NY. that I am TOXIC. I have been taught to believe them. I am also succumbing to the overwhelming sense of betrayal. I turn fifteen in the 30 day center. I donít want any damn cake.
I am suicidal. I am a problem for them to deal with, but not one so easily dispatched of as my parents have them in a bit of a bind.

A push pull of no you take her no you keep her plays out in slow motion, during the months that I was transferred through three residential locations.
 
The month I am returned from Daytop a friend of mine who was rejected by Daytopís approval process is killed as a passenger in a drunken driving accident .
I actually convinced myself of the possibility that I would arrive at her memorial to find her alive and well, like some sort of weird surprise party.
Sheís gone.
Guilt hate rage...I spend a lifetime painting it black.

Iím capricious to say the least. Iím fun to be around for anyone who hasnít pissed me off.
 
I spend a small amount of time in the public school environment, before another suicide attempt. I will cry while a nurse combs activated charcoal from my hair. While being extubated, I curse god for my survival.
 
I will spend the rest of my teens being shuttled from one inpatient setting after another. (Until that cosmic joke of a private school, graduates me).
There is a shade of blue that Armani had in their collection a few seasons back. Suicide blue. It is exactly the colour of the scrubs issued to me at the crisis intervention centre to signify that Iím a risk.

Suicide becomes the refuge that keeps me alive. The only way I can think of to describe that is to say itís easier to get through anything for a while if by whispering to yourself,Ē Itís just for a while itíll be over soonĒ. Sick, but empowering.

I require of those saints and martyrs who know me incredible amounts of tolerance.

My adulthood becomes a tightly drawn circle of control.  Every once in a while I break the spells with recklessness.

Later in life, following the death of another friend I will be overcome by survivorís guilt. Iíll be 5150d for threats.

Inculcated likes to be medicated. It becomes not enough...or never was.

I will come very close to allowing them to perform ECT on me. "Just to see", I say of it.

I announce to my new doctor that I am ďtoxicĒ. I tell him Iím unreachable. I tell him the ghosts in the room are his colleagues. He nods and scribbles.
 I havenít even told him the all of it (and there is so much I don't understand).Yet, he tells me he understands. He gives me a quizzical look while I laugh.

Thanks for the memories monsignor! When you die, Iíll spit on your grave and blog about it.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
ďA person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be freeĒ  Nikos Kazantzakis

Offline Inculcated

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The re-written philosophy
« Reply #335 on: September 28, 2009, 12:11:31 AM »
Quote from: "SEKTO"
The Daytop Philosophy, recited like a prayer or mantra every morning before Morning Meeting, programmed us to be group-dependent, taught us groupthink  right away.  Here it is:

                                          I am here because there is no refuge.
                                          Finally, from myself.
                                          Until I confront myself in the eyes
                                          and hearts of others, I am running.
                                          Until I suffer them to share my secrets,
                                          I have no safety from them.
                                         Afraid to be known, I can know
                                          neither myself nor any other, I will be alone.
Where else but in our common ground,
can I find such a mirror?
Here, together, I can at last appear
clearly to myself not as the giant
of my dreams nor the dwarf of my fears,
but as a person, part of a whole,
with my share in its purpose.
In this ground, I can take root and grow,
Not alone anymore as in death,
But alive to myself and to others.
I estimate that I intoned a minimum Seven-Hundred recitations of Beauvaisí philosophy. This inspired my own hermeneutical version.

Because there is no refuge here,

I confront my eyes; I am suffered to share my secrets.
                           And the eyes and hearts of others, I have no safety from them.

Taught to be afraid and told to be known
though by neither myself nor any other, I will be alone.

Common in this ground.

Where else but here in this mirror do I appear this way,
 
As if a person, part of a whole,
with myself share in its purpose,
is to others alive?

My fears, in this ground, take root and grow.
Not as of my dreams nor of my death
Not of this life, but of myself I alone lose to these others


Daytop Philosophy modified-Inculcated
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
ďA person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be freeĒ  Nikos Kazantzakis

Offline SEKTO

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Re: DAYTOP Did Me Great Harm in the Long Run
« Reply #336 on: October 15, 2009, 11:28:35 PM »
SEKTO has become unstuck in time...

Finally I am caught up on my studies and have the time to do some writing.  Hi there everybody; I trust all of you are well.  It's been quite a while since I posted here.  Tonight I'd like to share some news with all of you: I moved out of the place where I was about six weeks ago, having finished up there.  These days I am living alone in a small apartment, and am a full-time student at a local university.  I live off of the GI Bill.  My grades are very decent, and things are coming along nicely.  I am at last moving on with my life.

I'd like to briefly say that going through the cult-recovery center that I was a part of was one of the best things I've ever done for myself.  DAYTOP did me great harm in the long run, but I've discovered a lot about myself on the road back.  The time I spent there was hugely beneficial toward my recovery, and overall healing.  I learned a lot about a lot of things there, a lot about myself.  Particularly that I do not have to lose myself to a group in order to feel like a whole individual.

To be sure, it was also one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.  Going through that process of remembrance and  mourning, and beginning the healing process towards my eventual re-integration was a lot of work and was quite painful at times.The two most important things that I learned a MH, were these:

1) I was assessed as a non-neurotypical person; in other words, I figured out that I am not crazy, I am autistic, and my therapists helped me to work through the sense of grieving and loss, and instilled in me the beginnings of a sense of self-acceptance and renewed confidence.

2) In time, I came to see the seriously deleterious effect that DAYTOP had on me and my life, and how so much of the DAYTOP experience had been represeed in my psyche for so long.  

I have experienced that healing and recovery do not go hand-in-hand with abusive or coercive tactics.  I have enormous respect and gratitude for the lasting friendships, and for the mentors that I have found this last year.  I have come to understand myself.  That understanding includes being educated about my diagnoses, and how they apply to me, without reducing me to a set of labels.  They say that knowledge is power, and coming to understand my history and non-NT status has given me an understanding not of my limitations, but of my abilities and the potential I hold within myself.  Even though I was quite discouraged at times, I became motivated to work through my issues and have truly found very substantial healing.

With this momentum, I plan on continuing to move forward in a positive direction with my life.

One of my major challenges has been in the area of forgiving my family.  I will continue to address potential boundaries issues in relation to my family of origin (the very ones who put me into DAYTOP in the first place) until I achieve substantial self-confidence and perspective to maintain my separate identity, yet still show grace to them.  The intent is to help me to foster a greater sense of independence and self-esteem.

In general, I have begun to overcome some serious childhood disadvantages and trauma.  I have developed my inner strength and developed a deeper capacity to love others in spite of the severity of the abuse I suffered as a child.  I even have learned to use some of these experiences to enhance my personal growth and share with others.  Like all who are alive and living their lives, I am a work in progress.

In Inculcated's professional opinion, my prognosis is excellent.    :whip:

Also, I'd like to now publicly thank my very dear friend Inculcated, who helped me to get through some very tough times there.  We used to talk quite often (and still do).  Her presence in my life while I was still in MH was a major source of validation, encouragement, and support.  Inculcated, I am grateful to you, and grateful for you.  You helped me a lot, and continue to help me.  You company and support was and is a big contributor to my healing, and I hope to be able to contribute to yours as well.  Thank you for being my friend.  It means the world to me.  Thanks to fornits for that, and for so much more.

You know it's funny what a young man recollects?  'Cause I don't remember bein' born.  I don't recall what I got for my first Christmas and I don't know when I went on my first outdoor picnic.  But I do remember the first time I heard the sweetest voice in the wide world.  It was on the twenty-first of last May, a Thursday, at about four o'clock in the afternoon.  That was the first time that we ever spoke, Inculcated and I.  Inculcated always had a way of explaining things so I could understand them.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Inculcated

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SEKTO, rockin' on his own theme song, now.
« Reply #337 on: October 16, 2009, 12:01:31 AM »
SEKTO:
Iíll be brief. I am so impressed by the strength youíve shown rising to meet whatís been required of you to have come so far.
The strengths youíve developed and acquired in the time I have known you are inspiring. With these you will go farther still.

Iím also happy that beautiful unique spirit of yours not only abides, but now has learned to thrive.      :rose:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
ďA person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be freeĒ  Nikos Kazantzakis

Offline SEKTO

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Re: DAYTOP Did Me Great Harm in the Long Run
« Reply #338 on: October 22, 2009, 07:05:45 PM »
A happy Gaudenzia to all!

In the last two weeks I have made contact with five old Daytopians who I knew back in the day, four males and a female.  The woman (I'll call her Lisa) found and contacted me via FB first.  We have not seen one another in over 15 years, she and I.  Through her friends list, I was able to find two others.  The other two guys I found independent of my contact with Lisa.  I'll tell you now what became of everyone:

1)  One old buddy was in a cult called the Holy Order of Mans out in S. California for seven years, but left about a year and a half ago.

http://www.rickross.com/groups/hom.html

Presently he is in the midst of a painful divorce from his wife of ten years (they were in the cult together), and battling with her over custody rights for their kids.  He owns and operates his own A/V business, and teaches A/V stuff at a local community college.  

The last time I saw him was at a Rainbow Gathering in '94, where he'd slashed his own throat and jumped into the fire during a drum circle, while in the grip of a bad trip on a large dose of magic mushrooms.  He and I have been talking on the phone a bit lately, and I am glad that he is relatively OK and working to rebuild his life.

This person was probated to DAYTOP Richardson and left voluntarily once his probation was up, at the age of 17.

2)  Another man (the one I have described here as Jeff) has been in the Navy for several years, is a corpman, and has been to Iraq twice.  He is married to a Japanese woman and has a couple of girls.  He and I found each other via FB (but have not spoken in person) and I know little of what has become of his life other than what I just described.  I am not sure if he graduated or not.

3)  The third fellow (this one is interesting to me and I'll call him Zane) is working as a hairdresser in a spa in Hawaii someplace, is an expert in the martial arts discipline called Jeet Kune Do, does Ultimate Fighting Championships, and spends his free time surfing, smoking weed, and otherwise partying.  He is tattooed from head to toe, and bleaches his hair.   He was in outreach and Pine Mountain too.  Graduated from Pine Mountain in '96.  This is the guy who I have written of before who we inherited from Straight once they closed down.  Nowadays he is a semi-professional Ultimate Fighting contender.  Talk about anger issues.

4)  The fourth old Richardson Daytopian is still living in Dallas and fought a hard-core heroin addiction for many years, I mean twelve years or so.  However, me tells me that he has been clean since February of '08.  Now he "only" drinks and smokes pot, and lives off off SSI and Medicaid.  Did not graduate, and never was sober, even when in the program.  This guy I have known for over twenty years; we grew up in the same neighborhood, and his mom and mine were in the PTA together.  We were in the same high school and used to get high together a lot.  As a matter of fact, I am the one who told him about DAYTOP in the first place.  This person checked himself in, WANTED to go there.

5)  Lisa was involved with DAYTOP for longer than anybody else I've ever met, longer than Billy even.  I am surprised that Lisa remembered and wrote to me.  It took her approximately five years to graduate, and she was in Dallas, Pine Mountain, and Millbrook too.  That it took her so long to graduate is due to the fact that she split a couple of times and so was not in for a continuous five years.  That, and they kept shipping her around.  But she graduated with Zane at Dresser in '96.  Lisa is doing well now, has a decent job, and is engaged.  I do not know if she is sober or what.

I have not asked most of these people what they remember about DAYTOP or how they feel it influenced their lives, I've only asked them how their lives have gone in the last 15 years and where they are now.  So we've got a guy who is a professional fighter, another who was in a cult, another was a junkie for many years, we've got an adrenaline-seeking war junkie who works with Marines, and Lisa seems to be doing well and is about the only halfway stable one in the bunch.  She agreed with me when I told her that I think of DAYTOP as  cult, though seems to have no hard feelings.  Probably a lot about the DAYTOP experience has been repressed in all of these people, like it was in me for all those years, until I was in therapy four hours a week.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Inculcated

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Re: DAYTOP Family Reunion bring a shiv
« Reply #339 on: October 24, 2009, 02:26:08 PM »
SEKTO:
Those are some interesting life experiences accrued by former charges of Daytop. Cults, military, Ultimate Championship FighterÖ
Damn,slashing throat while literally jumping into the fire at a rainbow gatheringÖ
Who needs staff for a fireside if youíve got return to sender or self destruct imbedded?

Iím glad everyone seems to be on the mend.

Thx Monsignor! :flame:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
ďA person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be freeĒ  Nikos Kazantzakis

Offline SEKTO

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Re: DAYTOP Family Reunion bring a shiv
« Reply #340 on: October 24, 2009, 05:39:42 PM »
Quote from: "Inculcated"
SEKTO:
Those are some interesting life experiences accrued by former charges of Daytop. Cults, military, Ultimate Championship FighterÖ
Damn,slashing throat while literally jumping into the fire at a rainbow gatheringÖ
Who needs staff for a fireside if youíve got return to sender or self destruct imbedded?

Iím glad everyone seems to be on the mend.

Thx Monsignor! :flame:

Yep, slashed his own throat with a piece of broken glass and then jumped into a bonfire, during a drum circle at the '94 Gathering in Wyoming.  Some people had to pull him out and they bandaged him up, which saved his life.  That's a true story.  I was not there to witness the incident, though I was at that same Gathering (in all, I have been to five) and when I ran into him he was wearing a thick and bloody piece of gauze around his neck.  He told me at that point of what had happened, and we have spoken of it recently as well.

Though he is a Christian now (after seven years in the pseudo-Orthodox cult his faith is still intact), at the time this person was very much into Crowleyan magick and dabbled in the Dark Side of the Force.  He now believes that he literally became demon-possessed, that the demons had taken control of his mind and tried to take his life.  But he's relatively OK now.
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Offline Inculcated

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Re: exorcising DAYTOP demons
« Reply #341 on: October 24, 2009, 05:59:05 PM »
Quote from: "SEKTO"
He now believes that he literally became demon-possessed, that the demons had taken control of his mind and tried to take his life.  But he's relatively OK now.
Daytop instilling the kind of fears and intrapsychic destruction that cause one to believe they are vulnerable to demonic possession since 1963.
My sincerest empathy to him and hopes for his continued healing.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
ďA person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be freeĒ  Nikos Kazantzakis

Offline SEKTO

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Re: DAYTOP Did Me Great Harm in the Long Run
« Reply #342 on: October 24, 2009, 06:25:18 PM »
Quote
Daytop instilling the kind of fears and intrapsychic destruction that cause one to believe they are vulnerable to demonic possession since 1963.
My sincerest empathy to him and hopes for his continued healing.

This person left DAYTOP three or four months before I went in, so I do not know him from there; I know him from the early '90s Lower Greenville hippie scene and from Rainbow Gatherings.  We used to hang out at Grinder's coffeehouse on Prospect back in the day, and had mutual friends.

He recently told me another story, too.  One time he'd been out all night tripping (there was a lot of acid going around back then) and dropped some more while in the van on the way to DAYTOP, in an effort to keep the buzz going and stay awake.  But on that day, by coincidence, the staff had decided to pull one of their random and very confrontational house meetings.  So they herded everybody down to the racketball courts downstairs and had them in this meeting all morning, for one of those check-your-gut-and-drop-your-guilt sessions.  He told me that the staff had everybody stand up in front of the family, one by one, and endure their interrogations in front of one another.  

Imagine this: so here's this poor guy of sixteen getting grilled, psychologically assaulted, being yelled at by Marcy and Ruben in an effort to get him to confess to all of the stuff he had done, and was continuing to do.  He's is in this underground, undecorated, echo-chamber room with all-white walls in front of a bunch of other kids, getting screamed at and put on the hot seat, while peaking out of his mind on a heavy dose of acid.   He told me that he denied everything, even when they were up in his face and directly accusing him of being high at that very moment (which he was, but he didn't tell them that and acid cannot be detected in a UA anyway).

When he told me this story, we both laughed about it, and it is kind of a funny story.  But can you imagine...Marcy up in your face while you're peaking on acid in this sterile, all-white room.  It'd be like like something out of the final scene in 2001: A Space Odyssey.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1u-_ymkvCo

Sheez, that would mess with your head for years, right?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Inculcated

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Re: Space oddity
« Reply #343 on: October 24, 2009, 06:47:48 PM »
Talk about reverberations.
It is funny to picture itÖbut also so not.
I can feel those white walls closing in and still hear the echoes of their scurrilous invectives, and feel the chill and burn sensation
as inevitably the glare turns, but I cannot imagine enduring that while on a psychoactive substance...damn.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
ďA person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be freeĒ  Nikos Kazantzakis

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End Game
« Reply #344 on: November 22, 2009, 05:06:03 AM »
Because there is no refugeÖThe Lies. The Lies.The Lies. Here for you.Their Lies and their manipulations The Lies. The Lies. The Lies. Just open up. The Lies. The Lies. The Lies. We canít feel you feeling it. The Lies. The accusations. The Lies. The Lies.The Lies. Hug it out. Scream it out. The Lies. The Lies. The cries. Confronted in the eyes and hearts ofÖThe Lies. The Lies.The Lies.This will only hurt a little. The Lies. The Lies.The Lies. Let us in.Lies,lies lies,lies. what lies within? Their Lies. What we fear lies within you, can you feel it? We want you to. This is for your own good. Trying to help you to help you Ö The Lies. The manipulations and The Lies. Toxic. Toxic. Toxic.The LiesÖ and youíve got to want it. How much do you want it? The Lies. The Lies. The screaming lies. The Lies and their manipulations.The Lies.Trust in the process. The Lies. The Lies. The Lies. Am I running feelings or are they running game? The Lies. Cry. The Lies. The Tissues and the fucking Lies! The manipulations. The Lies. The Lies.The Lies. We canít feel you. We canít feel you The manipulations. The Lies. Keep no secrets here. The Liars.The outcry of cry it out lies The Lies. The Lies...and The screaming invectives.The Lies. Itís about trust. Betrayal. The Lies. The look in to my eyes Lies. The Lies. The Liars. Act as if. Act as if this madness is acceptable. Acceptance. Itís a sign of trust in your environment. The Lies. The sign reads, Ask me about secrets and keeping your Lies. The Lies. You need to ask for help. Down on your knees so we can all really fucking feel it, you knowÖCry. Confess. Lies. The Lies.Trust in the process. Oh, Lies.The Lies.The Lies. The Lie, belies the Keep quiet Lies. Dare to share. We can't feel you. The Lies. Be careful what you ask for you just might get it. The Lies. The manipulations. The Lies. The damned tears and cries The Lies. Feel it! Scream We want you to believe in you, but you've got to believe us. Have Faith. Faith that youíll be salvaged from all we see in you. By the way youíve got to swallow that too.TheToxins.The Lies.The Lies.The Lies. Tissue? The manipulations and The Lies. The Lies. So touched. So touching. You've got to want it and sit in the chair and let your inventory be taken. Let yourself be taken in. The Liars. Letís take a moment to reflectÖ The Lies. The Lies.The Lies. The screaming Lies. Their eyes. Feel it.The manupulations and the Lies. The Lies seeping under the skin.The Lies.The silencing lies. The Lies. The Lies.The Lies and manipulations. The Lies. Breathe. Breathe in their Lies.The shhh close your eyes lies. Therein Lies the truth of their Lies.The Betrayal. No secrets.The toxic lies Silence.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
ďA person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be freeĒ  Nikos Kazantzakis