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Author Topic: Grief sucks.  (Read 6954 times)

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Offline Nihilanthic

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Grief sucks.
« on: December 07, 2007, 03:30:58 PM »
I found out last night someone I didn't even know very well, or even like, but that I cared about finally lost her battle with congenital auto-immune liver failure. She was 24, and died November 20th.

I hadn't even spoken to her in 8 months, only checked on her vicariously via myspace. Up until now, all indications were that she was still going pretty damn strong!

I really had no clue how bad grief was until now. Just, wow...

I think I progressed from sobbing mess to 'numb'... but looking back at how she lived her life to the fullest knowing her time was limited, and still kept her chin up, and smiled despite it all. It makes me realize how much I've wasted my own life, my own potential, and my own chance. Hers is gone forever... and that stings to even think about. If anyone deserved to have a long full life, she did.

Now I think back to how much it hurt to read about kids killed by these programs... it stung for me to read it having never known them. It feels like someone gutted me to know a former friend died... I can't even imagine how it feels for someone's family to lose a kid.

I'll be damned if I'll let this continue. I had a taste of this and I can barely function.

To everyone I was calloused towards, if you're still here to read this, I'm sorry. I'm genuinely, deeply sorry. I can only imagine how much worse grief can be if its someone you were truly close to.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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DannyB on the internet:I CALLED A LAWYER TODAY TO SEE IF I COULD SUE YOUR ASSES FOR DOING THIS BUT THAT WAS NOT POSSIBLE.

CCMGirl on program restraints: "DON\'T TAZ ME BRO!!!!!"

TheWho on program survivors: "From where I sit I see all the anit-program[sic] people doing all the complaining and crying."

Offline dishdutyfugitive

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Grief sucks.
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2007, 03:38:16 PM »
grief is crippling. at one point I thought i was going to implode.
it takes a lot of time. and you never go back to the way things were.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline Nihilanthic

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Grief sucks.
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2007, 05:04:06 PM »
She wasn't even a friend. I had last spoken to her 8 months before!

And yeah, I don't think Ill look at things the same anymore ever again. I just know I wish I knew I suck at handling this before I got into, well, our cause.

All this pain and stress makes it so much more real. As a kid violence and torture and pain was just entertainment. Now its REAL. I don't know how I'll take any more kids dying.

 only recently managed to get over the pangs on my consciousness, the horrible stark ugly reality of whats going on right now, and how much it hurts to have that beat on the back of your mind all day when you're out working or living life and they're not.

I guess its good we've started taking it to the streets. I'm sick of watching people suffer and die.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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DannyB on the internet:I CALLED A LAWYER TODAY TO SEE IF I COULD SUE YOUR ASSES FOR DOING THIS BUT THAT WAS NOT POSSIBLE.

CCMGirl on program restraints: "DON\'T TAZ ME BRO!!!!!"

TheWho on program survivors: "From where I sit I see all the anit-program[sic] people doing all the complaining and crying."

Offline try another castle

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Grief sucks.
« Reply #3 on: December 08, 2007, 01:28:07 AM »
I lost a close friend to suicide about ten years ago. Up until that point, she had been having a really hard time, and had limited who she hung out with, because otherwise, it was just too much for her. As a result, I hadn't seen her for a year before I got the call from my friend, Matt that she had gone. The next time I saw her was on the slab. (Her family was gracious enough to allow me in to the viewing, since I hadn't seen her in so long, and she was going to be cremated so there would be no viewing at the funeral.) In addition, Matt and I volunteered to help clear out her apartment, so that was difficult. I believe that was when I started smoking again.

I had never really experienced loss like that before. I fluctuated from weepy to numb for quite a while.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline Nihilanthic

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Grief sucks.
« Reply #4 on: December 08, 2007, 03:26:21 AM »
I wont go into details buuuuuuut lets just say getting cheered up and going out tonight really helped me out of this.

What a rebound. I'm still fucked up because of it... but... wow.

Now for some reason I'm remembering her in a positive sense... its what she would have wanted probably, yanno?

Still, I just had the biggest emotional rollercoaster EVER.  :rofl:  :cry:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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DannyB on the internet:I CALLED A LAWYER TODAY TO SEE IF I COULD SUE YOUR ASSES FOR DOING THIS BUT THAT WAS NOT POSSIBLE.

CCMGirl on program restraints: "DON\'T TAZ ME BRO!!!!!"

TheWho on program survivors: "From where I sit I see all the anit-program[sic] people doing all the complaining and crying."

Offline Carmel

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Grief sucks.
« Reply #5 on: December 08, 2007, 06:39:41 PM »
Heya Niles....

Yeah, grief blows the big daddy...thats fer sure.

My 5 year old daughter, my husbands mother and his aunt were killed in a car accident just about 4 and change years ago.  Ill never be the same person....but Ive learned to view every aspect of what happened as a form of blessing....if you dont learn from it, and live honorably going forward.....well, thats the real waste right there.

We are the ones left behind.  Their journey is over, it only makes sense that we celebrate who they were and create positive circumstances for ourselves and those we love......wallowing, (and I am in no way inferring that you are wallowing, just generally speaking) is only insult to injury.

There is nothing in the world other than time and our will to move forward that begins to lessen grief.  I understand exactly where youre at and I wish you only comfort as you sort it through.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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...hands went up and people hit the floor, he wasted two kids that ran for the door....."
-Beastie Boys, Paul Revere

Offline Nihilanthic

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Grief sucks.
« Reply #6 on: December 08, 2007, 06:59:46 PM »
I'm better now. Perspective helped a ton.

The real thing that amazed me the most though is how much getting out of the spiral of negativity helped me to look at and celebrate her life and what it was and what she did!

She partied her ass off her last summer... she rode it till the wheels fell off, partied like a rock star. She knew she had limited time and she lived each day like the LAST.

Now, I'm going to, and I've started doing it already ;)

And a warning to those who might see it: I'm me for the first time in my life - and a big part of me is saying what is right even if people don't want me to and standing up for others who can't stand up for themselves yet.

This coming year should be quite entertaining  :D
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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DannyB on the internet:I CALLED A LAWYER TODAY TO SEE IF I COULD SUE YOUR ASSES FOR DOING THIS BUT THAT WAS NOT POSSIBLE.

CCMGirl on program restraints: "DON\'T TAZ ME BRO!!!!!"

TheWho on program survivors: "From where I sit I see all the anit-program[sic] people doing all the complaining and crying."

Offline Anonymous

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Grief sucks.
« Reply #7 on: December 08, 2007, 07:07:00 PM »
It's to bad we hear about innocents dying and assholes like Niles get to live.
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Offline try another castle

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Grief sucks.
« Reply #8 on: December 08, 2007, 07:13:00 PM »
Quote from: ""Guest""
It's to bad we hear about innocents dying and assholes like Niles get to live.



You're just jealous cause he won't fuck you.
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Offline Anonymous

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Grief sucks.
« Reply #9 on: December 08, 2007, 08:04:40 PM »
I just want to say... Niles fucked me GOOD!
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Offline Nihilanthic

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Grief sucks.
« Reply #10 on: December 08, 2007, 08:24:03 PM »
:o
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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DannyB on the internet:I CALLED A LAWYER TODAY TO SEE IF I COULD SUE YOUR ASSES FOR DOING THIS BUT THAT WAS NOT POSSIBLE.

CCMGirl on program restraints: "DON\'T TAZ ME BRO!!!!!"

TheWho on program survivors: "From where I sit I see all the anit-program[sic] people doing all the complaining and crying."

Offline dishdutyfugitive

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Grief sucks.
« Reply #11 on: December 08, 2007, 11:37:20 PM »
I had my annual memory lane meltdown last night - It's encouraging to read these posts.

 Thank you all.
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Offline Anonymous

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Grief sucks.
« Reply #12 on: December 09, 2007, 02:13:53 PM »
I've wasted time with Niles so I'm getting a kick out of these replies  :rofl:
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Offline dishdutyfugitive

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Grief sucks.
« Reply #13 on: December 09, 2007, 02:21:11 PM »
What does that mean?
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Offline Anonymous

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Grief sucks.
« Reply #14 on: December 09, 2007, 07:26:03 PM »
It's an intelligence thing, you wouldn't understand.
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