Missing Puzzle Pieces

[John Olsakovsky]

On 2003-07-03 06:42:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Do you know how many times I've thought about that? The danger was incredible. Miller swears he stopped putting locks on doors in 1983, I believe that's the year he stated in a courtroom somewhere along his legal trail.  If we could have proved it in time, he would be in jail today.

"

In El Paso, right before it closed, some governing agency made some sweeping reforms.  
We actually had cots to sleep on, in addition to the foam pads.
It was an attempt at a kinder, gentler Kids...
Hell, they still got shut down.

[Anonymous]

I wonder who had to pay for the cots in the host homes, the parents or the program?  My money's on the parents.

[dixie lee ann murray]

that is such crap.it makes me feel so angry.f**k'n liar he was.he makes me sick to my stomach.i remember in fun rap ppl joking about it.how they would pee the bed and you know what i did it in my sleep so don't fell embarressed or your sick.none of us are sick for anything.i love how they would say we were lying how the hell would they know.thye hypocrites.i agree though we are all survivors and that makes us unique and friends forever.i think of alot of ppl every day

[Anonymous]

Thanks Dixie.  I think I had a newcomer named dixie for the brief period of time they actually thought I could BE an Oldcomer.  I don't know if that was you.  If it was, I hope I was nice. :smile:
I never made it past 2nd or 3rd phase, I think.

[dixie lee ann murray]

hi.i was the only one group named dixie.i had my brother and sister in ther with me.we are from canada.i'd like to know who you are.i miss some ppl from there so my e mail addy is dixld@hotmail.com

[a sibling]

Thank you for sharing your story.  I was one of those people that was continuously humiliated and abused routinely for no apparent reason and I seemed to have no ally for almost 4 years.  

My most horrible story is not so much embarrassing as it was extremely painful and terrifying.  Being an eating disorder and not eating for a week, they brought me into an intake room, had 6 people hold me down, shoved food into my mouth and held my nose and mouth closed so that I was forced to eat it.  When I choked, they sat me up and I threw up.  When they asked me if I was ready to eat on my own and I told them to screw off, they threw me back down, picked up what I threw up and forced me to eat that.  In a million years, I will never forget that horror, and I relive it in my nightmares regularly.  That is only one of my many horrific memories.  Thank you for reminding me that we're all survivors.  I need to remember that to keep me alive.  Suzanne

[Anonymous]

yo zue sucker get over it! how about some of us that had to put up with your freakish ass! ever think of that! we had to deal with your constant bs like hunger strikes etc.I have no respect for you and your pathetic mental health nonsense and blaming victimatic mentality!good luck finding a soul mate with the patients for that degree of soul sickness!                                    I truly hope you soon realize your not getting any younger and that your wasting more time now in your self constructed prison of pitty then you did at kids.

[a sibling]

Sorry to jump in here, but as the person posting on Sue's behalf (she has limited access to the internet at her current location), I felt compelled to respond to your note.  
How sad I feel for you, holding on to all that anger and hate. Of course Sue had problems when she went into the program...everyone who went there was dealing with some issue or another. Fortunately Sue is moving forward...she remembers the pain and hell all of you went through, and has the courage to share words of empathy and encouragement with others.  
How sad for you that apparently you never really got out...not emotionally in any case...if you feel the need to use a forum like this to continue the same abusive treatment of others that you experienced while you were in.  I wish you good luck on your recovery.
Sincerely, Suzanne's sister

[Anonymous]

I agree with Sue's sister. The anger you've displayed told me volumes on how your state of mind is still in the survival mode of being "in group." Your post was not, in my opinion, intended to help Suzanne get on with life, it was to cause hurt and pain to her. It is pathetic how you need to try to hurt other people emotionally in order to feel good or whatever it was you felt after you wrote that. You appear to be a weak individual who needs, at best, to be removed from society until you can learn to be a socially apt individual.  TO SUE:  You were, and I am sure are, an interesting, intelligent, talented woman who got dealt some very bad hands in your young life. I knew you, and I hope you find all the happiness and benefits of life you so much deserve. There are MANY supportive, caring people on this board who understand where you are coming from - do not let the 1% who are toxic get to you.

[a sibling]

While I can't justify all of my antics and behaviors during my 4 years in the program, I was fighting for my life.  Alot of the things I did were survival tactics...for example, those hunger strikes that you are so resentful about, were my attempt to get out.  I figured if I stopped eating, I would be sent to a hospital to be fed by IV, and I could tell someone I was being held against my will.  I never expected to be held down and forcefed.  Dislocating my shoulder was my way to get out and be with my family.  I was a scared, lonely kid who needed help and kindness, not abuse.  I am surprised at you.  Usually the people who tell me to "just get over it" are people who were not there, and don't know the horrors that went on there.  Obviously you still have alot of issues to work out, because you still sound really, really, angry.  Please don't take that anger out on me.  My thanks to all of you who supported me.  Suzanne Z

[Jodi]

I'm amazed at the outright hostility towards Sue.  We all had problems, many of still do but I'm sure you were no saint whomever you are.  Before you start ripping into other people, perhaps rejudge your own actions and see if you're in a position to do as such?  I was a brat when I was there and I know it.  I did it on purpose because I thought the only way to keep that brainwashing crap out was to fight it.  I was twelve years old, scared, abandoned, and not even able to talk to the one person I knew there.  I remember people sitting behind me used to kick the chair to get me to turn around enough to give them a reason to throw me from the chair and restrain me.  I remember having to sit in sex group for the first time and being scared out of my wits because people were talking about stuff I hadn't even learned about yet.  So if I had to be a brat to survive that and much more, so be it.  

Sue thought she could save herself by doing what she did and as her cousin and watching her do this stuff, I'm sorry but if I can deal with it so can you.  Nothing like watching your own relative try to starve herself to death or pop out her shoulder to get the hell out of that place to help the nightmares along.  

If you want to judge me or her for it, I doubt either of us will lose sleep over it.  I personally have more important things to deal with in my life than someone else's judgement of my actions in a situation I had no control over and was tricked into going to.  I dont blame her for what she did and if you have problems with her and what she did then perhaps you have more issues to work out.

I came to this forum in the hopes that perhaps it would be supportive and informative and seeing responses like that disgust me.  I avoided y'all for years and when I think on most of the stuff, I block out most things except when I stayed with Rebecca's family for that long stretch.  They were wonderful people that became almost like a second family to me while there.  I was in a lot of different host homes, but non as nice as that one.  If you or your family is reading this, thanks Rebecca.  I know you tried to get in contact with me a few years back along with Kim and a couple of others and I appreciate the effort.

Jodi

[fartoogone]

Not that I have any real opinion on this at all, but that "get over it" post cracked me up.

Whatever

ftg

[Anonymous]

please forgive me for that response,I really should not have acted that way.Truth is, and its not an excuse its a reason, I`ve just had enough of the whinning, and blamming that permeates this potentially constructive site. Someday if I should be fortunate enough to cross your path I will tell you just how much my life has been DAMAGED(INC.) by the remnant followers of newton. I can assure you it has NOTHING to do with my restraint abuse, scorned to humiliation by the girlside,punches to my face by OOC newks,taking 10 newks with one host bro, totalling two cars waking up with my face sgainst the windshield because i never had an 8hr. sleep rule,having to cut off my own family for years because they didnt support the program,working an 11hr day at my job(WITH AND WITHOUT POWER NODDS IN THE BATHROOM, PARKINGLOT, CLOSET, ETC...)and then work at kids all, and I mean all night. either building the new facility and/or "HELPING" the kids in the group, and probably WURST of all I had to liver(hence the missspelling of worst)it would have been easier for me had some poor soul been ordered to shove it down my "trote"! NOPE, NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING to do with those incidents (not to get to far off but that last word reminded me of ALLNIGHT I.R.[incident report] parties of which, sue, you and many others have never had the priveledge!)at all! All that stuff to me is comical now, it has to be. and believe me woman it doesn`t even come close to the CHALLENGES I face today and everyday for the rest of my life because of kids! So you see I am a prime candidate for night mares, stress disorders,syndroms,A.D.D.,Y.Y.Z.,dysfunctional,datfunctional,add infinitum. But I just don`t have the LUXURY of crutches today, hell I have enough trouble suffering from A.S.S SYNDROM. So you see, that is why I have zero patients for the terminal blaming and that is why I attacked sue.Very very sorry.This site would be so constructive in the reuniting of old friends and alot more people like myself wouldn`t wear these brown bags with the eye holes in them, if people didn`t complain so much!

[PNKMama]

I couldn't agree more!!!  I enjoy this website alot but have a hard time with all of the whining. We all had a hard time after getting out of that terrible place, (some worse than others I know).  And some are stil having a hard time, I respect that, but a little less whinning would be nice.

[Anonymous]

who is pnk mama? if you dont mind me axing.