Scheff - www.toughlove.com (David and Phyllis York)

[psy]

From:
http://www.nowpublic.com/sue-scheff-tou ... ment-30025

Sue Scheff on Tough Love
by suescheff | August 11, 2007 at 04:00 pm | 38 views | 1 comment
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Many cannot understand or grasp the concept of, Tough Love or "not enabling" the child to ruin or run the family unit. Enduring life with a teen that is running the home can result in many uproars, conflicts, arguments, battles, and sometimes psychical and verbal abuse.  Tough Love is exactly that: Tough.  Loving our children is unconditional, but we don’t have to like what they are doing or how they are destroying their lives.There will come a time when a parent realizes enough is enough! This is the time that they need the support from outside sources, such as a Tough Love support groups, along with professional intervention. This does not reflect you as a parent, nor does it place blame on the family, it is the child that is making the bad choices and the family is suffering from it. Many times Tough Love is simply letting go. Let the child make their mistakes and they will either learn from them or suffer the consequences. Unfortunately depending on the situation, it is not always feasible to wait until the last minute to intervene.  If you see that Tough Love is not working at home, it may be time to consider residential placement (placement outside the home). Quality Residential placements work with the entire family. Once the child is safely removed from the family, everyone is able to concentrate on the issues calmly and rationally. Tough Love can mean finding the most appropriate setting outside of the home for your child.

While in the whirlwind of confusion, frustration and stress that the child is causing, it is hard to see the actual problem or problems. With time and distance, the healing starts to occur. Tough Love is a very painful and stressful avenue, however in many families, very necessary and very rewarding.  Tough Love if used correctly can be helpful.  However if you are the type to give in at the end, all the hard work of standing your ground will be for nothing.  Actually, your weakness or giving in could result in deeper and more serious problems.  Please confer with professionals or outside help if you feel you are not able to follow through with what you are telling your child you will do.  Don’t be ashamed to ask for help, you are certainly not alone.

For more information visit www.helpyourteens.com or www.toughlove.com

www.toughlove.com is registered to Domains By Proxy.  Seems she doesn't want to know who owns that domain.

Hmmm..  I wonder if it's the Same Roger Lichfield who owns militaryschools.us (ParentHelp) which also refers to PURE affiliated programs (eg. sorensons, et al).

[Ursus]

Roger?  Please explain.  This link appears to be no longer available...  Ahem.

[psy]

Roger?  Please explain.  This link appears to be no longer available...  Ahem.

Ya.  For some unknown reason, it appears Sue has been ... er .. un-defended by the kind folks at nowpublic.com who actually bother to check up on things.  :wink:

Good thing I copied that article.

[psy]

Interesting. From their FAQ it says:

"Most parents that have learned and used the TOUGHLOVE® program have credited it with vastly improving, and in some cases saving, their lives. Many school administrators, counselors and educators endorse the Program because it helps their communities come together outside the school system. The TOUGHLOVE® Program has been endorsed by many public and political leaders, including the Governor George W. Bush and former First Lady Nancy Reagan."

Now THATS a vote of confidence.  One endorsement coming from a crackhead who fucked up half the middle east, and the other coming from one who though Straight Inc. was just the cat's meow.

But wow.  What's handy is they have this little map feature which lists "tough love" groups all over the place.  Hm.  There is even one near me:

City: Annandale/Alexandria
Tuesday 7pm
Peace Lutheran Church
6362 Lincolnia Road
Alexandria, VA 22312

I might go down there when I get back to the states and see what these "seminars" are all about.

Don't worry fellow Fornitscators.  There is a group nearby, where you too can get the help you need!

OOH.. wonderful.  Want to know who started this little hate group:

In 1979 David and Phyllis York, both trained family therapists and substance abuse counselors, created the original TOUGHLOVE® Program.

They, quite literally, wrote the book on "tough love"

If I remember correctly, their kids aren't too fond of them for some odd reason.

Yup.  here it is:
http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?p=250026#250026

If nobody minds, this is no longer relavant to sue, I'm moving this to the TTI forum.

[Ursus]

Roger?  Please explain.  This link appears to be no longer available...  Ahem.

Ya.  For some unknown reason, it appears Sue has been ... er .. un-defended by the kind folks at nowpublic.com who actually bother to check up on things.  :wink:

Good thing I copied that article.

To Those That Would Be Interested:  
How To Retrieve Material That Once Was There, But Now Is Not:

Got to Google
Select: Advanced Search
Enter:  relevant search words in the Find Results box
Enter:  site or domain name in the Domain box
Hit return
Open cache rather than site link in the search results.

[psy]

For long term stuff you can use archive.org (unless the site blocks it)

[Ursus]

Yup.  But often they don't archive everything or every page per site?  ...Or maybe I just haven't figured out yet how to tweak open their goody box to my satisfaction. :wink:

[psy]

Yup.  But often they don't archive everything or every page per site?  ...Or maybe I just haven't figured out yet how to tweak open their goody box to my satisfaction. :wink:

Well  just drag the link below to your toolbar and whenever you want to go back in time for a given site, click it.

http://web.archive.org/web/*/'+document.location.href;">Wayback

[ZenAgent]

This is absolute bullshit.  The meaning of "tough love" has become so warped.  The concept of tough love started in the field of addiction treatment, where families and friends of addicts had to override their natural inclination to give money to the addict and mop up the messes the addiction was causing.  Tough love meant the people who loved the addict would cease enabling the addict's self destructive behavior.

No "outside" entity can provide tough love.  The staff at programs do not love the kids, they view them as cattle.  Placing your child in a program is not tough love - it's cowardice.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for articulating that so perfectly.  That statement needs to be on a sticky or something.