So, my six year old is now seven. He has grown very close to the school guidance counselor, who has a therapeutic dog... they don't really talk about issues, except how to cope with frustration. Its more in the vein of having an outlet for intellectual discussion, which Jack craves at school. Letters of the week don't cut it for him.
An evaluation was completed and surprise, surprise, they did not try and label him ADD or ODD. They are not advocating any drug therapy, but a program to adapt to auditory, visual, and spatial stimuli. The "diagnosis" gifted intelligence with sensory integration issues. Environmental cues that don't bother the average person are exceptionally distracting/overwhelming to him.
In spite of his intellect and depth, they want to put him in special ed because for the small class size, saying he will get more out of it, will acquire coping mechanisms, and actually advance intellectually because he will have fewer distractions in a small group setting.
The other issue is socialization. Jack is a very deep thinker. He's not really fulfilled in a standardized environment, with its attendant shallowness. In a large group setting, he hangs back... With older kids, adults, or highly intelligent kids, he shines.
The school says that Jack is not regarded as a "weirdo" or oddball by the kids at all.... But he's disinterested in most kids... he prefers adults... when I visit his school, kids come up to him, and he seems indifferent in most cases.
I really wish I could afford private school, or homeschooling... but I can't.
I'm just so frustrated because I feel the SPED classroom will remove him from his few best friends, and label him. The school did say they will not railroad me into this, but they do take a lot of time catering to Jack's needs in the classroom, at the expense of the other students. At this point, for example, Jack sits at his desk when everyone is in a group. (I kinda, think, who the hell cares? But they want that conformity.)
The other thing, too, is that Jack went through a lot, as I mentioned with the divorce. His guidance counselor just told me today that Jack told him he remembers me being yelled at and hurt. He actually said he is worried he will do the same thing to me. I don't know why, but that really broke me today. All that was over a few years ago... and he is very loving and affectionate to me. I'll never be able to make up for the things he saw.
I know things are better because he is happy/comfortable at home the vast majority of the time. He doesn't act out at home the way he did before I created a safe emotional space. We're very silly and fun, and I try to provide him with appropriate intellectual outlets.
I just worry because I will never be able to make up for the things he saw/heard...the things he can't articulate... that sense of fear as a baby and toddler when your mother is being dragged around as she's holding him.... among other things. By the Dad who he loves very much.
About the only thing I can say for sure is that I know he knows that I love him very much.... I tell him every day. (My parents could never utter those three little words comfortably...and I was always worried I'd be the same way.) And I know he knows I think its ok to be different, and an independent thinker and smart and free spirited.
I am supposed to attend the formal evaluation and IEP meeting shortly. I was recommended that I get him some therapy... But I am very leery of... everything. I don't want him to perceive himself as broken.
The thing I respect most about Jack is that he questions everything... and I don't want to stifle that ever. Even though I sometimes think shallow people are happier.
This isn't really the most coherent post. But I welcome constructive feedback.
