Most fucked up ST parent ever

[psy]

my 18 year old daughter has been what I consider a typical 18 year old no angel but in the realm of todays norm. Pushed the limits knew when to stop ..The came a boy into her life. hes 20 was a tcollege out of town had to take a sesmester off so he worked at a local gym. They met in June. Thats when everything went heywire. Ignored cerfew, total disrespect dropped her group of friends . It was a summer of **** but we stood our ground. She went off to college in September. When they were together she blew off family functions and the repricution was she was not allowed home for the first 2 school breaks, and was devistated with out him. But he was done with her...She hounded him long distance he blew her off ignored the calls she paid for her self to visit him he wouldnt see her. She got throught the breakup with lots of support from us(mom and dad) her friends who reluctantly forgave her for blowing them off. She was in a good place finally and recognized the bad influence he had been on her. We even predicted that he would finally call her right before she came home. she was certian she would have nothing to do with him. Needless to they are back together she now doesnt want to go back to college( not an option as I do not want her home with him here. ) He went back last term and now is dropping or flunked out. But I also do not want to throw money away if she is going to be pining for him and blow this term also,Its her chance to start fresh as she is transfering to a smaller school. For the first time in my life I cannot stand her . We were totally there for the first round and picked up the pieces..do not have the energy to do it again.. she knew we were not fans of his but we have tried this time to be nice so we do not drive her to him but thats not working either [Mad] .I cant stand to watch her throw away herself for this guy. I really believe he will blow her off again as soon as she leaves . BUt am totally consummed and overwhelmed by the situation. I know I am rammbling and vague but its so much to cover and I need to vent. Do you let her just be and learn the hard way, do you requiere the minimum of rules be met?

 ::bangin::

[exhausted]

Be grateful you have a normal 18 yo lady

This is what young adults do - this is how they learn to mature and develop, good grief  :roll:

I don't know about other countries, but in the UK you're lucky to get your daughter to 18 yo without them having a 4 year old child of their own tagging behind by an unknown father (could be one of 5 fathers!)

These two young peple are 18 and 20! Lord alive, they are adults, immature ones yes, but they are adults, they could have got married and be expecting a child by now, without anyone's consent  - okay it's not what us parents want for our offspring, but who are we to tell them how their lives should be run at that age?

[exhausted]

Be grateful you have a normal 18 yo lady

This is what young adults do - this is how they learn to mature and develop, good grief  :roll:

I don't know about other countries, but in the UK you're lucky to get your daughter to 18 yo without them having a 4 year old child of their own tagging behind by an unknown father (could be one of 5 fathers!)

These two young peple are 18 and 20! Lord alive, they are adults, immature ones yes, but they are adults, they could have got married and be expecting a child by now, without anyone's consent  - okay it's not what us parents want for our offspring, but who are we to tell them how their lives should be run at that age?

[Truth Searcher]

Yeah ... this mom is seriously needing to cut the apron strings.  It was interesting that because she had missed 2 family functions that she was not allowed to come home from school.  Talk about emotional blackmail.

I must admit that when my 18 year old brought home her boyfriend for the first time, I was less than thrilled.  My "traditional middle classness" did not much care for his tattooed, pierced, all black exterior.  But, he's still here a year later, standing by her through an unplanned pregnancy.  He treats her like the gold that she is.  He is respectful and appreciative.  I have come to love this kid like one of my own.  It was a humbling lesson ...  

Sorry I got a little off track ... part of me sort of understands the fear that comes with a young man (who may be slightly off track) hanging around a daughter ... but the bigger part of me knows that underneath every young person is alot of potential.

[Anonymous]

as much as this woman wants to control who her daughter dates or marries, where she goes to school, or who she hangs out with, shes SOL at this point. The girl is 18, whether or not she makes good decisions is going to have to be learned on her own, whether or not the mother wants to admit that or not. I went through something at that same age that my parents didnt agree with. I was even disowned for about 2 months LOL. I was 18 1/2 and going to college but I was not at the college that I had wanted to attend and I wanted to be in Atlanta with my fiance(we dated since I was 16) and go to a college there. So I dropped out, after 3 semesters, and called them AFTER I did it. I didnt see the point of my grandmother wasting her money to send me to a place that I didnt want to be at. So when I called them to tell them what I had done, they were furious, my dad demanded that I tell him where I was (directions), so he could come pick me up. I reminded him that I was almost 19 and there was not a damn thing he could do about it. So after a month of not speaking to them I called them again and told them I had gotten a job with a temp agency, and we were moving to a different apt. To make a long story short, within a year and a half of all this "drama" I got married, and we bought a house, and I got a fulltime job and we bought our first new car. Just because its not the path the parents want, its not necessarily the wrong path, thats something the mother is going to have to work out on her own. Shes going to have to deal with the fact that the kid is not a kid anymore, immature maybe, but not a kid.

[exhausted]

When my own daugher was 14 yo she told me she'd met this lad she really liked, then said she'd been seeig him for a month already, so I was automatically suspicious that she hadn't told me earlier, with good reason.....she told me he was 18......

My 1st reaction was to absolutely screw over it, but I didn't, I stayed calm and told her that he was 18, she had not had a boyfriend before and he was probably only after one thing, and that was illegal.

After hearing me out, she said she understood my concerns, but it wasn't goig to happen (hmm...ok) but would I at least get to know him before making any judgement, then if I still felt it wasn't right for her then she'd reassess the situation with me

I felt that as she had a more mature approach to this than I did at the time, I at least owed her that, so I agreed, and here we are 3 years later, he's just part of the family, would never hurt a hair on her head and treats her like gold dust, and she came to me well over a year later asking to see a doctor with her, so they were responsible .... I was the mug

Now if I'd tried to ban her from seeing him, I believe I would have pushed them together and she wouldn't have talked to me about things she needed to talk about, who knows? She may have ended up pregnant through being unable to approach me, it could have been very different if I'd followed my instinct to kill him

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's her daughter who is the bad influence on that boy. Why do parents always want to blame everyone else's kid for being a bad influence on theirs?  :rofl:

[Anonymous]

A lot of parents use college as a new means of control over their child. They threaten to not pay anymore, unless their kid will sit on command. I've seen it with a few of my friends. You'd think the parents wanted a trained dog instead of an independent human being for a kid! Caesar had already conquered the world and died before the age some of these kids finally cut the ambilical cord loose!  

[Nihilanthic]

When my own daugher was 14 yo she told me she'd met this lad she really liked, then said she'd been seeig him for a month already, so I was automatically suspicious that she hadn't told me earlier, with good reason.....she told me he was 18......

My 1st reaction was to absolutely screw over it, but I didn't, I stayed calm and told her that he was 18, she had not had a boyfriend before and he was probably only after one thing, and that was illegal.

After hearing me out, she said she understood my concerns, but it wasn't goig to happen (hmm...ok) but would I at least get to know him before making any judgement, then if I still felt it wasn't right for her then she'd reassess the situation with me

I felt that as she had a more mature approach to this than I did at the time, I at least owed her that, so I agreed, and here we are 3 years later, he's just part of the family, would never hurt a hair on her head and treats her like gold dust, and she came to me well over a year later asking to see a doctor with her, so they were responsible .... I was the mug

Now if I'd tried to ban her from seeing him, I believe I would have pushed them together and she wouldn't have talked to me about things she needed to talk about, who knows? She may have ended up pregnant through being unable to approach me, it could have been very different if I'd followed my instinct to kill him

 :nworthy:  :nworthy: There is a reason you came here instead of ST, exhausted.

[Anonymous]

How much do you charge for an escort back to the states?

[Anonymous]

Are they digging your grave for when you are buried with child abuse charges?

[exhausted]

feel free TSW - someone needs to knock some sense into them

maybe if you were to see the situation for yourself, you might decide it's actually ME who needs to be using that shovel !! Maybe I need a few whacks - my kids weren't born bad, it had to have come from somewhere & as the only parent here, it has to lie with me, so again, feel free to knock some sense into me, whatever it takes....if it helps my boys I'll do it.

I am still at ST Niles, i still read what ppl have to say, it's good to see all sides of what goes on.

[Karass]

A lot of parents use college as a new means of control over their child. They threaten to not pay anymore, unless their kid will sit on command. I've seen it with a few of my friends. You'd think the parents wanted a trained dog instead of an independent human being for a kid! Caesar had already conquered the world and died before the age some of these kids finally cut the ambilical cord loose!  

Funny, some of us are just trying to get their kid to consider moving out and being an adult. Go to college if you want -- oh by the way, you have a scholarship that will pay a big chunk of it. Or don't go to college, just go out and live on your own -- you already have a job. It's not that we don't want him around -- we love him dearly. But I moved out when I was 17, got married when I was 21, and am looking forward to getting rid of my kids (so to speak) when they are ready to spread their wings and fly -- and he's definitely ready. I don't want any mid-20s or (OMG) older kids coming back to the empty nest!

[try another castle]

I couldn't get the fuck out of my parents house fast enough. I found a 6 dollar an hour job, found a sublet that same week, and said adios motherfuckers. I never understood kids who wanted to hang around. I even stopped visiting for christmas and the holidays when I was in college, and just stayed up at school.

[Karass]

If my parents had sent me to some shithole program, I might've done the same as you. Maybe my kid will do that, since I sent him to a shithole program and ruined most of his summer vacation. Then again, maybe not. He and I are developing a pretty good parent-adult child relationship, and he's not even 18 yet (but almost). Maybe he'll surprise me and say 'fuck you' and adios on his birthday. If he does, good for him. At least I'll know he's making his own decisions and living his own life, as opposed to just letting bad shit happen to him and not caring one way or the other.