Need thoughts on Ridge Creek.

[psy]

I was simply saying my partner tries his best to show my son that he wants us to be a happy family, to get over the roadblocks we are currently facing.

Well maybe he just doesn't plain like your partner.  You can't force him to.  "One big happy family" may be what you want but it obviously isn't on the top of your son's priorities.  Is it possible that you could just agree to disagree?  he's 17, and i would imagine on his way to college.  Can't you just wait it out.  Perhaps in time he will learn to like your partner, or perhaps he won't.

Moreover.  How do you know that he is throwing his life away?  Can you predict the future?  So many errant program placements are based on what the parents think their children "are heading towards" not where they actually are.

If you send your kid to program, There is a 95% chance He will not forgive you.  Ever.  You want evidence of that?  Look around this forum a little.  You think your kid is bad now?  Just wait until he gets out of program.  Then he will not only hate your partner, but you as well, and it will not wear off.   He will not forgive, he will not forget, and you will have to live with the guilt of knowing you caused it.

"despirate need of intervention"..."throw his life away"...  Jesus.  Have you been talking to Lon Woodbury?  Look. You're being scared to make money.  It's that simple.  You're desperate and some snake-oil salesmen know it.  Like i said.  Educational consultants are not regulated!

[Covergaard]

It sounds like he functions fine, does his schoolwork and have healthy interests.

So there is no problem with the boy. The problem is lack of communication and accept. That is where you should intervene with counselling.

May I suggest that you leave your environment and go on a trip where you can experience challenges together. Maybe a family summer camp or even a kind of terapeutic expedition.

I have seen that anasazi has developed a 21 day long program. Normal programs are longer but only because the participent can not leave. If the terapist were doing their jobs and not looking on the financial part, even normal program would be shorter. In such family programs they have to do their best because adults (read: the paycheck) can leave any time. See http://www.anasazi.org/press-12.html

The important issue are however, that you solve the problem and not a symptom of the problem. So if you choose to sent someone, it must be you all.

[Deborah]

Looks like Ridge Creek may not be an option.
http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?p=232227#232227

[Nihilanthic]

I was simply saying my partner tries his best to show my son that he wants us to be a happy family, to get over the roadblocks we are currently facing.

Are you insane, or just that selfish?

Fuck your 'partner'! Your partner is NOT his father, will never BE his father, and it is not about you, or your partner, it is about your son.

Why would you have him kidnapped in the middle of the night, taken to a place he has never been before a thousand miles from anywhere familiar, to have his 'attitude re-adjusted' through psychological torture, kept isolated from the ENTIRE outside world, and spit out a 'stepford kid', at least until the programming wears off and he finds out why you did what you did?

Boo hoo, he doesn't care about stuff you care about, or your new spouce. Be a mother, not a grown woman using her offspring as a play-doll. He is a living, breathing, THINKING being, not something you can play with or make do what you want to suit the way you want things to be.

But the biggest thing I do not understand is why would you lock him up in a torture-camp when you want him to do schoolwork and play a sport anyway? He wont get any education there, and he'll be way too socially fucked up to do ANYTHING except work, eat, shower and sleep when he gets out... and forget him having a tennis-arm after getting 'restrained' for not doing exactly as told or crying from fear or despair! That'll fuck up your rotator cuff really well. REALLY well.

You really do not make any sense. You don't have an INTERVENTION anytime someone doesn't do what you think they should do. The only person who needs a reality check is yourself.

Children are not obligated to fit in with a new spouce that is not thier parent, are not obligated to please you... your job is to help them grow up into a healthy, happy adult that can provide and think for themself.

Quit being selfish, get real, realize its not all about you and your little bubble world. He needs to grow up and be himself, his own person - NOT YOURS!

Now, I'm sure strugglingteens is going to say Im "punishing parents" and fucked up, but come on. Do you really think you have the right to torture your child for the duration of the program just becuase he doesnt like your new fuck-buddy, school and tennis?

If you REALLY think that, you should just stop being a parent completely! I'm sick of sugar-coating stuff to selfish, self-absorbed ignorant idiots who have NO place making decisions for a dog, much less a 17 year old human being. PLEASE tell me you are not such a person... please!

And yeah, I'm serious. People who have done what you have done have fucked up a lot of people for the rest of their lives, try talking to people here eand see how much "good" being made to live in terror, tortured emotionally and psychologically and sometimes physically, held captive, given shitty food, not allowed to talk to anyone in the outside world, and forced to lie to their parents and not talk about what really happens does for them.

It doesnt do any good, it doesnt FIX Anything, because you cant "FIX" a person. You cant make some people 'take him away' and through smoke and mirrors do 'stuff' to make him play tennis, like your new fuckbuddy and want to do schoolwork.

Grow the hell up, lady! Or, if you are a troll, congratulations for making me mad.

[Nihilanthic]

I almost thought about deleting the previous post, but yanno, I think you do need someone to yell at you and take you down a notch!

Honestly, if you REALLY want to do what is actually best for your son, you might want to let him live with his dad. And while you're at it you should thank his dad for not letting you put him through hell on earth because you dont know how to be a fucking mom.

[Anonymous]

I was simply saying my partner tries his best to show my son that he wants us to be a happy family, to get over the roadblocks we are currently facing.

Well maybe he just doesn't plain like your partner.  You can't force him to.  "One big happy family" may be what you want but it obviously isn't on the top of your son's priorities.  Is it possible that you could just agree to disagree?  he's 17, and i would imagine on his way to college.  Can't you just wait it out.  Perhaps in time he will learn to like your partner, or perhaps he won't.

Moreover.  How do you know that he is throwing his life away?  Can you predict the future?  So many errant program placements are based on what the parents think their children "are heading towards" not where they actually are.

If you send your kid to program, There is a 95% chance He will not forgive you.  Ever.  You want evidence of that?  Look around this forum a little.  You think your kid is bad now?  Just wait until he gets out of program.  Then he will not only hate your partner, but you as well, and it will not wear off.   He will not forgive, he will not forget, and you will have to live with the guilt of knowing you caused it.

"despirate need of intervention"..."throw his life away"...  Jesus.  Have you been talking to Lon Woodbury?  Look. You're being scared to make money.  It's that simple.  You're desperate and some snake-oil salesmen know it.  Like i said.  Educational consultants are not regulated!

If you send your kid to a program, 95% of the angry people here will not forgive you.  However, get away from anger-pit talk, and you find most dont have the same misunderstanding and hate -- unless you choose a clearly questionable program, such as HLA seems to be.  Even if HLA promised the world, why take the chance with so many issues against it?!

Actually, good places don't "brainwash", and while different behavior is expected, the way it is gotten is not the disreputable "behavior mod" approach of punishment, but more the opening of the benefits of acting like most civilized people.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your son's tennis and academic career are more important to you than they are to him.

If tennis and being recruited by a better college were important to him, he'd be making the grades necessary to achieve that goal.

Given that he's so angry with you, might flunking be the absolute best way to rebel against you, to cause you grief. If indeed he every really enjoyed tennis and wasn't pressured to perform.

Might try not not caring. Allow him to fail and repeat a grade if need be. Could you do that? It's a risk.

In the meantime it could be profoundly useful to let him vent his anger to you and to your partner seperately, if your partner's game.

You might benefit from some Functional Family Therapy for yourself to change the dynamics in your relationship with your son. Teens don't want to be manipulated by their parent's fears.

maybe or maybe not the FFT, as you've tried therapy and he won't participate, but the rest of the advice is good -- really good

[Nihilanthic]

Actually, good places don't "brainwash", and while different behavior is expected, the way it is gotten is not the disreputable "behavior mod" approach of punishment, but more the opening of the benefits of acting like most civilized people.

You know this how, mr/mrs anonymous apologist?

Just how do they make them behave differently? Does it have anything to do with "earning" your freedom back from that institution? How about "earning" the "right" to talk to your own family or the outside world again?

Hmm?

None of these means are justified by a god damned thing, and there is nothing 'wrong' mentally or otherwise with not wanting to do tennis, school work, or get along with mama's new fuckbuddy... and without something wrong, there can be no treatment, now can there?

All that there can be is "Behavior modification", and no matter how you slice it, it amounts to forcing someone through suffering to think and act differently than they used to act, keeping them under control and confined in some program.

Unless of course you want to set the spin machine in motion, in which case I'm all for picking any bullshit you spew apart.  :roll:

Also, cut the "anger-pit" bullshit. People are angry because they were fucking tortured for months to years, dumbass. Cut the canned-buzzword, boilerplate bullshit and programmie nonsense. You have the right to post what you want here, and I have the post to do what the fuck ever I want back. Fornits is nothing but talking out of group, and "program bashing without accountability", right?  :rofl:

[Anonymous]

This is the very first time I have looked at this site.  I do not know who has been paraphrasing my posts from strugglingteens.com and pretending to be me.  Thanks for all the feedback to those posts, though some were inaccurate and in any case didn't tell the whole story.  (I'm not, for instance, an ambitious sports mom, nor am I remarried.)  I am not one for internet chat groups, and now I know why.  Here I am with an adopted identity for 48 hours and already someone has stolen my identity!  Anyhow, yes, I have a very troubled son, and yes, I am looking at all options to help him, and no, there is no chance that his father will help.  And so on.  Anyhow, good luck to all of you and please--whoever stole my ID--please do not do that sort of thing.  Thanks.

[psy]

This is the very first time I have looked at this site.  I do not know who has been paraphrasing my posts from strugglingteens.com and pretending to be me.  Thanks for all the feedback to those posts, though some were inaccurate and in any case didn't tell the whole story.  (I'm not, for instance, an ambitious sports mom, nor am I remarried.)  I am not one for internet chat groups, and now I know why.  Here I am with an adopted identity for 48 hours and already someone has stolen my identity!  Anyhow, yes, I have a very troubled son, and yes, I am looking at all options to help him, and no, there is no chance that his father will help.  And so on.  Anyhow, good luck to all of you and please--whoever stole my ID--please do not do that sort of thing.  Thanks.

Ok.  you just confirmed what we had already suspected.  If you wish help or advice from us, register so we can know that you are who you are by a consistent pseudonym.

Please.  before making any decisions, be sure to ask questions of all sides. (this includes fornits)

[Anonymous]

This lucif is total bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Persistent, aren't we?

Jesus if you really are for real, you must be thick as a board. Read the HLA forum. Hell, read Fornits, period, particularly the Moral Clarity thread.

[Nihilanthic]

This is the very first time I have looked at this site.  I do not know who has been paraphrasing my posts from strugglingteens.com and pretending to be me.  Thanks for all the feedback to those posts, though some were inaccurate and in any case didn't tell the whole story.  (I'm not, for instance, an ambitious sports mom, nor am I remarried.)  I am not one for internet chat groups, and now I know why.  Here I am with an adopted identity for 48 hours and already someone has stolen my identity!  Anyhow, yes, I have a very troubled son, and yes, I am looking at all options to help him, and no, there is no chance that his father will help.  And so on.  Anyhow, good luck to all of you and please--whoever stole my ID--please do not do that sort of thing.  Thanks.

Is anything actually wrong? if so, what?

If there is or isn't, a program isn't going to do anything except fuck him up worse, or fuck him up if he is not yet fucked up, but you're just a hypochondriac drama-queen with too much money.

Regardless, see an actual therapist first.

[psy]

but you're just a hypochondriac drama-queen with too much money.

Yeah.  She's real likely to listen with that attitude.  Didn't anybody else learn how to completely shut off emotion in program?

[exhausted]

There's a lot of talk here from members wanting to prevent parents from sending their kids to programs and another load of talk about how ST is a money making machine who only have that option in mind

Yet a parent comes here to te their story and they get a heap of abuse.....what do you suppose they're going to do? Yes that's right, they're going to stop posting here and go back to ST to be talked into sending their child away

In this particular case the kid needs to be at home or at his dad's house, NOT in a program, I just hope Lucif (the real one) can get over what's been said here and get some constructive views so she can amke a decision based on help from all sides....I've already said on ST that I personally feel this lad is being a sulky teen (like they are) and doesn't need to be sent away, where I was told pretty much that I can't relate to being a good parent, is that what you guys want? For her to go post there where she  is being encouraged big time to send him away?

You're not helping her, you're pushing her away toward people who will be nice to her and help her get her son into a program, that defeats your objective does it not?