The current "My teen wont forgive me" thread on ST

[Anonymous]

::rocker::

Damn, I really would make a mean fucking programmie, wouldn't I?

Aren't you all glad I'm not?

To the original poster: Remember, your kids are about as mean as I am, they're just not as smart. They're nasty and brutal and potentially deadly. The only way forward is to make them accept how dangerous they are. If you continue to try to deny their power, it's only going to get worse.

[Anonymous]

Brighter future for troubled teens
23 November 2006 | 22:09

TROUBLED teens are on the road to a brighter future thanks to a unique initiative in Ipswich - but more youngsters are needed to ensure the scheme's future.

Charity Nacro is offering those aged between 16 and 18 the chance to build their own motorbikes, race them on an off-road track and at the same time work towards a recognised qualification.

The free 12-week programme is coordinated by semi-professional stunt rider Nik Soar, who has been filmed taking part in his dare-devil exploits for the BBC and The Discovery Channel.

The cash to provide the course has come from the European Social Fund and the Learning and Skills Council.

Mr Soar said the aim of the initiative was to help youngsters not in education, employment or training.

But with only a few teens taking advantage so far, there is a desperate need for referrals to ensure the project continues.

He said: ?We have lots of funding and an excellent course but it's difficult to get referrals.

?We have given presentations at the YMCA, Connexions, The Foyer and Youth Offending. Young people can also refer themselves.

?Each session is three hours long and we try to make it fun. Some of those coming to us have dyslexia or ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), so there is the least amount of writing possible.

?They are not having someone dictate to them or just read from a text - it's a very practical course.?

The course is based at Nacro's base at 247 Felixstowe Road.

Students leave with a City and Guilds qualification and as well as the hands-on approach to mechanics and the chance to ride the bikes, the young people can also take up an opportunity of work experience at one of two garages in Ipswich.

If the course is deemed a success in Ipswich, it may also be set up in Bury St Edmunds and Lowestoft.

What do you think of the course? Write to Your Letters, Evening Star, 30 Lower Brook Street, Ipswich, IP4 1AN or e-mail www.nacro.org.uk

source

maybe theyd take a 19 year old?

[Anonymous]

Confronting Britain's teenage wasteland
http://www.csmonitor.com/2006/1204/p09s01-coop.html


Can the supernannies really tame Britain's tearaways?
http://www.yorkshiretoday.co.uk/ViewArt ... ID=1889861


Bleak Picture for UK Children
http://www.thetrumpet.com/index.php?pag ... le&id=2744

[Anonymous]

Woo hoo! Fear mongering! When's the last time we had a good old-fashioned fear fight on Fornits, anyway?

[Anonymous]

Woo hoo! Fear mongering! When's the last time we had a good old-fashioned fear fight on Fornits, anyway?

You seem to be off to a good start.

It is this attitude that leads down a one-way path to ruin.


Oh my! Is that justification I hear? I do believe that is, mixed with a twinge of fear. You've tried everything for your children.. except giving up the bottle.


Do you really think that his presence at that exact moment is going to affect your children's behavior? Do you even know what a role model is? Just because he might not be there at that exact instant doesn't mean he isn't still affecting his siblings.

I keep thinking that genetics might have something to do with this. Who was their father? Was he anywhere near as nasty, brutal, etc as they are?


Don't you understand yet that they already are?

See, now this I can visualize.

You: "Oh bugger it's really taking the piss now, you're smoking pot inside my house."

Him (thinking): Sod off, cunt.

You: "Do you have any idea what I've done for you? What I've sacrificed for you? And now you're going to go ahead and"

Him (reaching for baseball bat): "Shut UP you miserable bitch."

You: Oh shit- *run run*

I'll end this with a simple fact: Your children hate you. Do I need to tattoo this on your forehead in mirror writing, so when you wake up every morning you can read it and be reminded? They seriously, literally, personally, fiercely hate you. In fact, from what I gather, the only reason you're not dead yet is because they know they really will go to jail if they kill you.

Because odds are, you're every bit as sanctimonious I'm-just-trying-to-help with them as you are on this board, and that above all else is making them furious.

[Oz girl]

The christian science monitor is hardly likely to  be the most moderate and non alarmist paper now is it?

[Anonymous]

Out of curiousity, this question is for Exhausted, what convinced you to say no to Aspen?

Also could you please get an account? I would dearly love to discuss your situation in greater detail. Don't let the reception you have recieved so far turn you off to posting here on Fornits. At the very minimum I would hope you to be the sort of person who would appreciate honest opinions. Not the sort of opinion you are going to find on Struggling Turds. They have a vested interest there to get you child into a program to boost their income flow. Here we don't make a single pence/farthing out of the deal.

I'll try to re register, it said I had to wait for a validation e mail that didn't turn up?? Anyone out there?

I have to say before I go any further, I have spoken privately with many struggling teens members and they aren't all "send them away" some of them really don't want that but do fear for their lives literally and for the lives of their children, it is a really really hard decision to make, not to mention a heartbreaking one

I personally don't want to send my kids away, beating them to within an inch of their lives is niot going to make them stop, I know because I've done it myself and they still continue - well you wanted honesty and you got it, I am always open & honest, that's why I'm here, I need some direction & help, I have lost all sense of direction, exhausted every avenue and just don't know how to help my boys, that is my sole purpose

As for having a drink problem, no I don't, i wish I did, maybe I could blot it all out with the booze!! My only problem with alcohol is the fact it has destroyed so many lives around me as I grew up and is still doing so to this day - It is I believe a genetic thing in the family, all of the boys in the family have drink problems, but not the girls, that is extended right across to cousins etc........
And thank you to the gargling Milk madman who pointed out my kids hate me, yes i am well aware of that fact thank you very much, what I want is to find out why they hate with such a vengence, they hate everyone!! it's nothing personal.

The reason I turned Aspen down, hmmmm....well anyone who writes an e mail saying "sure, put them on a plane tonight, we will start them on a program tomorrow morning" wihtout knowing what the situation is, doesn't get my time or money, how did they know if I was some psycho bitch who doesn't even have kids or not? How did they know if I just wanted a long hoiliday and needed someone to palm my perfectly normal child off onto to babysit? No way was I sending my boy to someone I didn't know I could trust, a facility I hadn't checked out, a country that I couldn't visit as & when I needed to, or more importantly when my son needed me to, do they think I'm mad???

Michael Muldoon is fully aware of my situation, he has been really supportive and a very good friend to me through some very difficult times, wihtout giving away his private life I trust him because he has been there, where my boys are now, yet he never disses me as a mother no matter what I do to try to stop my sons

I am more than aware that if my boys don't want to change, there is nothing I can do about it, but it doesn't make me want to give up any the less, i will fight for them for as long as I draw breath, because I CARE how they turn out, because I want them to have a good life, they aren't going to get a second shot at it are they?

I have just come back from my GP aghain! begged him to help, make a referal, after all these years of begging, he's now told me I've missed the boat because my 14 yr old is too old to see a mental health team (eh?) I asked if it was comon practice to let people with mental health problems wander round causing themselves and others harm without help, his reply was "How do you know he has a mental health problem?" FFS I don't! I can't get anyone to see him to assess the situation - so, there you have it, I have spent years and years trying to get a referal, now it has got to this stage, I am being told I should have got a referal at an earlier age *bang head sharply against a wall*

Am I really asking too much here? I'm not asking someone to reprogram my boys, I don't want to change them, I just want to change their behaviour - I'm just reaching out for help, that's all, I can't do this on my own anymore, I've run out of energy

btw yes the dad was an alcoholic, no he was never nasty & violent with it, just a hopeless alcoholic, however the chidren were 2 months, 16 months, 2 1/2 & 4 at the time of his death, they were very young, although I don't dismiss that children of any age aren't aware of what's going on, I do believe it affects them greatly no matter how old they are.

Those of you who think I'm a bad other because I have the odd drink (ike 3 or 4 times a year) et stuffed, that's normal drinking, butI do take on board what you say about not having it i the house, I will throw any I find away tonight, that is a promise to you & to myself, they will go round their mates houses and raid their parents drinks cupboards though and shoplift it because thats what they do, also to those of you who think I am trying to justify anything I do, i don't have to justify myself to you, let's get that clear from the start, those who think I'm a bad mother, okay, you are entiltled to your opinion, but I can sleep at night knowing I am not and only have their well - being at heart, let's face it, if I didn't they'd be at Aspen right now would they not?

Okay i think I've taken up enough bandwidth and hope I have covered every question with as much honesty as I can....I also promise you, i leave nothing out, if I think of anything else i will type it in, because I have one objective in life - to help my boys help themselves to a brighter future, lying, deceiving and covering up certain parts of our lives is not going to help anyone, I cannot ask you and expect you to help without giving you the whole picture.

[White Cracker Man]

Just to Clarify, I think I have told Exhausted alot of what was said here. I also told her she might want to come to Fornits to see lots of stuff she would never see on ST. I explained to her that the majority of Fornits posters want the best for her sons- that they will do everything in their power to not see what happened to them happen to others. So, I think that I have said lots of things said here, just in a less emotional way. But the intentions are all the same.

[Anonymous]

I'll try to re register, it said I had to wait for a validation e mail that didn't turn up?? Anyone out there?

There's no sense in having that around anymore with the new antispam system in place, so I turned it off. Forget the validation part; you ought to be able to just log in now.

Yes, the gargling milk madman is the technical administrator here.

Your kids can at least sit still for a few minutes, right? Get them on this board. Won't take long for them to find out who their real enemies are. You'd be surprised at what finding this out does for a young man's outlook.

[psy]

Out of curiousity, this question is for Exhausted, what convinced you to say no to Aspen?

Also could you please get an account? I would dearly love to discuss your situation in greater detail. Don't let the reception you have recieved so far turn you off to posting here on Fornits. At the very minimum I would hope you to be the sort of person who would appreciate honest opinions. Not the sort of opinion you are going to find on Struggling Turds. They have a vested interest there to get you child into a program to boost their income flow. Here we don't make a single pence/farthing out of the deal.

I'll try to re register, it said I had to wait for a validation e mail that didn't turn up?? Anyone out there?

you might want to retry that with a different name.  or check your junk mail folder in case the validation is in there.

I have to say before I go any further, I have spoken privately with many struggling teens members and they aren't all "send them away" some of them really don't want that but do fear for their lives literally and for the lives of their children, it is a really really hard decision to make, not to mention a heartbreaking one

Yes they are afraid.  And the ed-cons take advantage of that, making it worse, telling them their kids will be dead/insane/in jail if they don't go to program.

I personally don't want to send my kids away, beating them to within an inch of their lives is niot going to make them stop, I know because I've done it myself and they still continue - well you wanted honesty and you got it, I am always open & honest, that's why I'm here, I need some direction & help, I have lost all sense of direction, exhausted every avenue and just don't know how to help my boys, that is my sole purpose

As for having a drink problem, no I don't, i wish I did, maybe I could blot it all out with the booze!! My only problem with alcohol is the fact it has destroyed so many lives around me as I grew up and is still doing so to this day - It is I believe a genetic thing in the family, all of the boys in the family have drink problems, but not the girls, that is extended right across to cousins etc........
And thank you to the gargling Milk madman who pointed out my kids hate me, yes i am well aware of that fact thank you very much, what I want is to find out why they hate with such a vengence, they hate everyone!! it's nothing personal.

They seem to be very very angry for some reason.  Only a licenced psychologist could really have a chance of finding out why.  Your GP sounds like a true asshole of the greatest caliber.

The reason I turned Aspen down, hmmmm....well anyone who writes an e mail saying "sure, put them on a plane tonight, we will start them on a program tomorrow morning" wihtout knowing what the situation is, doesn't get my time or money, how did they know if I was some psycho bitch who doesn't even have kids or not?

They don't care.  They would probably accept a blow up doll if you paid for it.

How did they know if I just wanted a long hoiliday and needed someone to palm my perfectly normal child off onto to babysit?

That's their favourite kind.  They made up approx 10% of the population where i was.  They can do anything they want to that kind.  Their parent's don't care at all (yes there are messed up people out there).  The others were ADHD / Depressed / anxiety / lazy etc.  Maybe 30% were there for drugs and only 90% of those because their parents caught them smoking pot.

No way was I sending my boy to someone I didn't know I could trust, a facility I hadn't checked out, a country that I couldn't visit as & when I needed to, or more importantly when my son needed me to, do they think I'm mad???

No.  They think you're desperate, at "wit's end" etc.  They know with enough "dead-insane-injail" talk they can eventually make scared enough to take the "steps you need to help your son/daughter".  Ka-ching!  They don't care if you can't afford it.  The loan company always pays them and you would be paying those off for the next century or so.

Michael Muldoon is fully aware of my situation, he has been really supportive and a very good friend to me through some very difficult times, wihtout giving away his private life I trust him because he has been there, where my boys are now, yet he never disses me as a mother no matter what I do to try to stop my sons

I am more than aware that if my boys don't want to change, there is nothing I can do about it, but it doesn't make me want to give up any the less, i will fight for them for as long as I draw breath, because I CARE how they turn out, because I want them to have a good life, they aren't going to get a second shot at it are they?

I have just come back from my GP aghain! begged him to help, make a referal, after all these years of begging, he's now told me I've missed the boat because my 14 yr old is too old to see a mental health team (eh?) I asked if it was comon practice to let people with mental health problems wander round causing themselves and others harm without help, his reply was "How do you know he has a mental health problem?" FFS I don't! I can't get anyone to see him to assess the situation - so, there you have it, I have spent years and years trying to get a referal, now it has got to this stage, I am being told I should have got a referal at an earlier age *bang head sharply against a wall*

Your GP is truly an asshole of the highest caliber.  Here's what you do:  Don't take no for an answer.  Be as much of a pest as he is an asshole.  Eventually he'll comply simply to be rid of you.  Drag your kid in.  He'll catch on after that.

Am I really asking too much here? I'm not asking someone to reprogram my boys, I don't want to change them, I just want to change their behaviour - I'm just reaching out for help, that's all, I can't do this on my own anymore, I've run out of energy

btw yes the dad was an alcoholic, no he was never nasty & violent with it, just a hopeless alcoholic, however the chidren were 2 months, 16 months, 2 1/2 & 4 at the time of his death, they were very young, although I don't dismiss that children of any age aren't aware of what's going on, I do believe it affects them greatly no matter how old they are.

It's normal to want to help your kids and i can understand your frustration.  I was not quite as bad as your kid but i did drive my parents relatively mad (with things so mild you wouldn't believe: differences in religion, sexuality, and politics).  To quote my mom "you were dressing in black, you were hanging out with all those goth kids, you were out of control !" Oz knows what i'm talking about.  To you're credit: your kids, in my family, would have been sent away long long ago.

Those of you who think I'm a bad other because I have the odd drink (ike 3 or 4 times a year) et stuffed, that's normal drinking, butI do take on board what you say about not having it i the house, I will throw any I find away tonight, that is a promise to you & to myself, they will go round their mates houses and raid their parents drinks cupboards though and shoplift it because thats what they do, also to those of you who think I am trying to justify anything I do, i don't have to justify myself to you, let's get that clear from the start, those who think I'm a bad mother, okay, you are entiltled to your opinion, but I can sleep at night knowing I am not and only have their well - being at heart, let's face it, if I didn't they'd be at Aspen right now would they not?

None of us... well maybe milk since he's the resident asshole, are judging you.  I'm not a parent (that i know of at least), don't know if TSW is, Zen is, Deborah is, don't think OZ is.  Milk... for some reason i doubt it.

I don't think you have a drinking problem, i just was wondering why your kids were so irate with you and that's a common cause.  It would also make sense since alcoholism is genetic.  Since you've explained your husband was the one with the drinking problem it makes sense now.

Okay i think I've taken up enough bandwidth and hope I have covered every question with as much honesty as I can....I also promise you, i leave nothing out, if I think of anything else i will type it in, because I have one objective in life - to help my boys help themselves to a brighter future, lying, deceiving and covering up certain parts of our lives is not going to help anyone, I cannot ask you and expect you to help without giving you the whole picture.

Well thanks. Have you looked at the motorbike program posted earlier?  That might be something your kid would enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Exhausted,
I have read some of your postings on the ST forum.
I believe your 19 year old son has been in jail.  Do you think he may be influcing your younger sons' out-of-control behaviors?
Do you think if you could keep him away from your home for an extended time---that perhaps you could work better with these younger boys?

Welcome to fornits, and you do not have to be a non-drinker or a non-smoker to deserve respect and peace in your own home, as a mom.

[Oz girl]

I have refrained from commenting so far because i don't have kid so havent the faintest clue how i would handle them in your shoes. I can understand why you would be reluctant to kick any of your kids out but you should have the right to a violence free home. Kudos to you for not sending them to any American BM school. It is a for profit industry which takes advantage of human misery.

Perhaps a 1/2 way measure. What if you were to ask the oldest to leave but have a trusted family friend or relative to check on him regularly while he gets on his feet. At 19 he may find that once he is set up, he enjoys the independence and is able to rebuild things with you on a more adult level. A lot of young people find the relationship improves with their parents once they are out of home because it becomes more adult and less parent and child. Is there some kind of 1/2 way house for young men like your oldest? Somewhere that helps young people with life skills like Job hunting etc and perhaps provides some kind of anger management counselling. This may be a good compromise. Good luck

[Anonymous]

I tried logging in but it seems Fornits won't have me  :cry:

Still nvm about that......

I have thrown the 19 yr old out a couple of times, it doesn't make any differnece to the way my younger two behave, and as quite righty has been pointed out he has served 2 prison sentences, so of course he wasn't around in a long while and that made no difference - he is still my son though and my weakness with him is that he has suffered ADHD from a tiny child, but it has only just been recognised in this country, so he didn't get any help, he has adut ADHD to this day, the long & short of it is that through getting no help, he has never quite grasped the real world, as in he thinks the world owes him a favour, everything should be hnded to him on a plate, no one should question his behaviour and that no one can make him do anythign, we had that from a young age, 'they can't make me go to school, they can't make me go to court, they can't make me go to prison, they can't make me stay in prison' and so he goes on, he is still very much a little boy but sometimes I just want him back in jail because that way I know he isn't drinking, taking drugs or out a night getting into fights, he is hell bent on putting himself back there anyway.....I came in tongiht with food shopping & asked for some help getting it in from the car - he flipped, got in my face shouting at me "who do you think you are comig in here with that attitude" um, it's my house, I ony asked for help to carry in the food he is going to eat! he is of the opinion that I had kids so therefore I should forever be their slaves and they shouldn't have to do anything for themselves, he also has real problems in accepting the consequences for his actions, it has never been his fault when he gets arrested, it is the fault of whoever grassed him up, whoever caled the police & usually the police's fault for catching him, he just simply does not comprehend it is his fault for committing the crime!

he lived in a halfway house for a year but was kicked out when he was 1st sent to jail, he hasn't taken any responsibiity since, I think he made it for 3 weeks before he was serving his second term, the one thing that really brings my heckles up is that he cannot see that he only gets into trouble when he drinks! the rest of the time he's actually a nice lad. (He had been drinking tonight)

The bike thing sounds really good, however he wouldn't go and Ipswich is hundreds of miles from here, I'm not sure wether he would get accomodation or not, but he wouldn't go anyway and leave his little crew behind, he has zero confidence. he has been through years of life skills and help for colleges and jobs, but he just turns his nose up at it all, preffering to wander the streets intimidating people, my main fear for him is that one day he'll intimidate the wrong person and they'll kill him stone dead.

I suppose if I'm totally honest with you all - my biggest fear in life is that the younger two will turn out just like him, the GP pointed out to me that they are well on that road now (hey he recognised that but still wouldn't refer!) i did not bring my babies into this world to spend their lives rotting anway in prison, I don't want that for them, but more than this, I don't want them to want that for themselves

We, as a family have been let down badly by social services and the various other agencies I've contacted and now they are starting to point the finger at me, although I have spent many years trying to get help, my GP told me tongiht it's my fault because they have no rules and no boundaries, yes they do! they just refuse to adhere to any of them!

I wish i knew why they are so angry, if I did I would do everything I could to help them all i can do right now is to tell them I am dissapointed with their behaviour, I don't like what they are doing, but still tell them every day I love them, wish them a good day at school and kiss them goodnight, and I always make a big point of telling them how proud I am of them when they have done something good, even if its a thank you for sitting at the meal table without fighting or praising them for the odd times they do stay in on a grounding  - one thing i don't get though is why my daughter is totaly the opposite, she's so focused and knows exactly what she wants form life, runs 2 jobs, goes to college and wants to join the police force, i have never had a days trouble from her and yet she has been brought up in exacty the same way

[Anonymous]

Oh forgot to say

If I can get my boys to sit down at this forum, is that okay? I'm sure it would help them big time if they knew someone was on their side and also be able to talk to others who have been where they once were.

you'd have to excuse the 13 yr old though, he is a severe dyslexic who has a 10 seconds or less concentration span, he may not understand what you are trying to put across to him even if I read it to him........this is a big part of his lack of self esteem, he is realy clever, but feels everyoe hates him because he's thick, his words not mine, i'd like a pound for everytime I've told him you don't have to be able to read and write to be clever, he's a smart cookie, he just doesn't act very smart in his life choices

[Oz girl]

Just try reregistering under a new name. Should work. once you have done the regster thing you can log in right away you dont get sent an email or any of that crap.