I guess, Anne, you don't know what would have happened to you (as compared to your friends) if you had not gone to Straight.
No I don't. But I can make a fairly educated guess by taking all these things into consideration. As I said, I was the lightweight of my group. If they were much 'worse off' than I was, and my parents were assured I'd end up deadinsaneorinjail the one would assume they would have been diagnosed similarly.....and in fact, indirectly were by Straight and my parents. They were sure these particular 3 friends of mine would 'amount to no good'. One is a vice pres. for Raymond James, married for 18 years, two kids, great life. One is married, 14 years, two kids, stay at home mom (used to be a marketing exec.), good church going girl, great life. The other is a nurse, never married but in relationship for 10 years, no kids, travels all over, great life. All have good,
real relationships with their parents. All grew out of the behaviors that were causing all the panic within 5-8 years.
Is your incredible anger at parents due to the fact that your relationship with your own was so damaged? It seems to really anger you that there are parents whose kids come out of a program and don't hate them and families that have learned to heal.
Where do you see this 'incredible' anger? Sure, I'm angry about what was done to me and my family. I'm angry about what was stolen from me that I can never get back. I'm angry about how it effected my kids. I've got a right to that anger, but I'm a whole lot less angry than I used to be. It's taken the last 5 or 6 years to get here, but I'm here.
Straight took away what tiny sense of identity I
did have and replaced it with theirs. I had no real foundation from my childhood, so I was ripe for re-education. When I got out I was surrounded by program parents and like-minded people. They used Straight as a weapon for almost 20 years afterwards against me. It hasn't been until my kids were old enough for them not to be able to fuck with me anymore, being away from my dad and all his judgements and criticisms and continued attempts to make me 'tow the program line' and finding Fornits that I've been able to even begin to comprehend all that was done to me and how many different ways it effected and still does effect my life and the lives of those who truly love me. It's only been recently that I've been able to figure out who
I am. What
I believe in and what
my values and morals are.
edited to add.....and then edited again cuz it was all over the place, still is but it's better. Sorry for the ramble.......Which is the only time any changes I made in how I live my life meant anything. I ended up with some problems with drugs and drinking but this is how I see it, having the benefit of hindsight and all the other knowledge I've gained over the last few years. At worst, the program was abusive, mentally, physically and emotionally. At best it simply delays and/or exacerbates the growing up process. The things that I did that caused concern for my dad when I first got out were a product of the war on drugs/fear culture that Straight capitalized on to begin with and counted on to keep us. They normal adolescent behaviors if somewhat worse due to what I had been through. But they happened at "inappropiate times" (more socially unacceptable) now...getting drunk and passsing out is par for the course in college when the only person effected is you..not so much if your'e married w/ two kids. So, it happens when I'm an adult, instead of when it's still socially acceptable and it happens in these tiny little increments b/c remember, whenever I stepped out of line, Dad and the courts were right there to jerk me back. So, taking that plus the examples of my friends prior to Straight, I'd have been much better off left alone. I struggled for so long not knowing....and not even knowing that I didn't know...know what I mean? :silly: My self worth and value was wholly dependent on how my father felt about me and how I was living, which meant that it was wholly dependent on program thinking. I had no other reality to compare it to so I couldn't begin to understand yet. Like I said, it wasn't until I was
truly[/b] out from under their control did I even start to find some semblance of peace and happiness. I didn't know life could be like this. I believed them for for too long.
There are also parents, like Who, who listen to their kids about the whole program experience.
The Who is hearing what he wants to hear.
