OK, Eudora. You have the rap stool. It's Friday night. Move the chairs. You can be in my recurring nightmare.
I'm standing, The pressure is on. Group is staring with intense fury. The front row 5th phaser has a stack of white slips, reports about me. What's on them? What past confession will be painfully thrown in my face? What cutting insult?
Oh, shit, it's the kiss-ass thing again. "You're such a fucking kiss-ass! It's your fucking fault this happened, we all know it, Don't try that shit here in OUR group! We all know what you're all about!" "Don't LIE ABOUT IT."
They're all waiting for me to speak ... "I, uhh, But I ....." Chairs are rumbling. Quick, think, what can I say to make them stop, avoid the attack? Too late, they've made up thier minds about me. What was I thinking, why did I try to say anything at all. Against my accusers? Who accused me? No names on the slips, no friends here, no friends. Give up, Comply. Say what they want me to say. Pray it's over quickly.
I start slowly, "You're right, Eudora, Hip's ok. He must be, he's got that T and R shine. He's going home, and everyone here loves him. He's so pure now, he does charity concerts for children. It wasn't personal, I shouldn't take it that way. Why am I being so touchy?" "It didn't happen the way I said. My memory is faulty." In back, a sheet of paper is torn slowly, strip by strip.
Eudora stares out cooly from her rap stool, legs crossed neatly.
The room quiets, prepares for the next person to be called. I can sit down now, it's over. They're after someone else. I stare straight ahead, and only hear the flourescent lights buzzing. That strobelight flicker thing from the fans. The red heat drains from my face, copper taste fades in my mouth. I look to the side, a person with no face smiles sadly at me, the smile means "at least you tried". My eyes water. Someone jams a knuckle in my back. a finger pokes my cheek, warning me to look ahead. I bite my lips shut, breath around the lump in my throat. I. Do. Not. COMPLY. I begin to move. Stand. I try and shout, but only a dry croak, barely a whisper comes out. "WHY WAS HE FIRED?"
A rap stool creaks, and Eudora says "shut him up and hold him down."
I'm torn from the row, dirty hands mash my lips against my teeth. A fingernail cuts my lower eyelid and it stings so bad. Shredded lip meat drifts in little bits on my tongue. I have to concentrate to breath around the hand partially blocking my nose. Snot blows in and out, in and out. Arms go numb. But the legs, they hurt on and on and on....
I wake up sweating.
I am AWAKE now. You woke me, Matt. I haven't slept in three days. I've been to Wally-World, and Wally-World bites.
What should I believe, group? Tell me what to say. How about one of these?
Hipster lied in these forums about sabotaging my car to make himself feel better, or to impress someone. That's the Hip I remember. He lied, he lies, I can believe that. So can you. Simple car crash, that's all.
Maybe he did it to somebody elses car that he hates more or hates less. That makes me feel better. HaHa, Miller Newton, spawn of satan, check your brakes.
Someone else did it that didn't brag about it on-line.
Somebody stole Hip's username and password and wrote those posts to mess with his mind. Nah, too big a stretch. This is a secure site, right?
It was a car accident. I believed that for 20 years. I'll talk myself back into it.
This is what everybody believes happened:
I fired him for jolt cola. I was a hypocrite to do so, seeing as how I drank cases of it myself.
Turkish coffee and Newports in Harvard Square, too. It's so believable, everybody knows I was the biggest ass-sniffer ever, Hip says so. Everybody knows it, from '81 to '97. How do they know? They've read the little white cyber slips, it must be true....
You think shit only happened to him, it was never caused by him, "he always seemed to nice, who could ever have imagined?..."
I've PM'd Hip, and asked him (just him) to leave me alone. If you keep a man's secrets, you expect to be left alone, and not killed. (just kidding).
Are those stackable chairs I hear rumbling in cyber space?
