Losers!

[Anonymous]

Mom, I may not agree with all of your decisions, but just your continuous presence and willingness to hear us shows that you care.  We all express our opinions to you differently, but I am very glad that you hung in there and listened despite being slammed a few times.  It's hard to hear the message behind the attack sometimes, especially when you have no history with us.  I guess this forum can really work for people.  Although I'm anti-program, I understand that we do not live in a world of absolutes and hope you find the right choice for your family.

[Anonymous]

To the mom in this thread:

Hope you never have to send your child away.  It is the worst thing to imagine, except for letting that child go on with destructive self-defeating behaviors, in spite of trying every possible option at home, such as negotiated contracts, school changes, even going to live with other relatives.

But if the day should come when you need a boarding school, you could do worse than the Academy at Swift River.

I didn't have time to look all through this thread---are you aware that there is a book out called "What it takes to pull me through" about this school? I can't remember the name of the author but it's some guy who is an editor at US News and World Report who took a year off to be at that campus and write about it. I think his name is Dave Marcus.

It sounds like a functional, emotionally respectful place to me.  You'll have to be the judge, the searcher of fact, the person to follow your instincts based on love.

I had a kid who had to be in an emotional growth school for a couple of years.  I've never regretted it, neither has the child.  Although we both will always wish that we had back that time together, that had to be sacrificed in the name of last resort.

Life isn't black and white as some,thought certainly not all, posters here like to portray.

Not all schools are awful, and by the same token no school can be salvation for everyone.  As far as I can see any away-from-home school ought to be the last resort. Sometimes it comes to that.

Good luck, our children are our futures--if we really, really believe that, well it's hard not to be authentic about how we weigh our choices.

[Anotherscaredmom]

Well, after our "heart to heart" last night, my son went to school today but then came home and I caught him in several lies.  First, he asked if a friend could stay and I later found out the boy had run away from his foster care situation.  

Because my son has a history of sneaking out I watch him carefully.  Sure enough, 10 minutes ago I caught him sneaking out.  My son had snitched my cell phone and after I got him back into the house I received no less than three phone calls on my cell in the next 15 minutes.  All hang ups.  My son said he was just going to 7/11 because there was nothing in the house to drink.  I had just gone shopping.  There was milk, juice, bottled water and even KoolAid for a treat.  

So, this is what I'm dealing with.  Lie after lie after lie.  He apologized but wouldn't admit he was up to anything except getting a drink.  What kid needs to make and receive phone calls in the wee hours of the morning on a Monday night to just go get a drink?  

Just so you all understand I'm not looking for a place to send off my kid just because he's not getting straight A's or because it is "convenient" for me.  No matter how much I supervise, or listen, or understand, or set boundaries, he keeps manipulating me and the situation to his own end. He is 14!  Not to mention, through all of these things, he has been nothing but disrespectful to me instead of thankful.

[Anonymous]

So shutup and send him away already. Just don't send him to WWASPS. That will just make things worse in the long run.

[Anotherscaredmom]

Yes, I am aware of the book, but have not yet read it.  I intend to in the near future.  I did a little more investigating on their web site and I was concerned that not all of the teachers are certified in teaching and not all of the counselors had psych degrees.  Whether or not I send my son there, I intend to ask them about that.  It seems odd that a school charging that much money can't find professionals to work there.  

They all had degrees but not necessarily in the field they are working in.  On the other hand, there are many people with teaching or counseling degrees who have no business being in their said profession because a degree doesn't give you the talent to work with kids, nor the inherent love of kids that is needed to work with them.  I lament every day that some of my son's teachers at public school are so clueless and so obviously detest the kids they teach.  Yet no one is shutting down the public schools nor dares to take that institution on.

Another sleepless night.  And I have exams coming up in the next couple of weeks.

[Troll Control]

************"And for the record, those who are saying that jail would have been better than an RTC, for some I believe that is true. However, I think that you all should take a long hard look at the statistics of folks who are incarcerated."


For the record, data from RTC patients shows higher recidivism than jail, as well as long-lasting psychological problems.  So, just for the record, your kid is better off in juvie than an RTC.

Do your research FIRST, then cite statistics...

[TheWho]

On 2005-12-06 06:24:00, Anonymous wrote:

"************"And for the record, those who are saying that jail would have been better than an RTC, for some I believe that is true. However, I think that you all should take a long hard look at the statistics of folks who are incarcerated."





For the record, data from RTC patients shows higher recidivism than jail, as well as long-lasting psychological problems.  So, just for the record, your kid is better off in juvie than an RTC.



Do your research FIRST, then cite statistics..."

Not sure I believe you,  I have been looking for supportive data from RTC's, Number Graduated, number returned, gone onto college etc. Could you tell me where you got your information?
Thanks

[TheWho]

On 2005-12-06 06:24:00, Anonymous wrote:

"************"And for the record, those who are saying that jail would have been better than an RTC, for some I believe that is true. However, I think that you all should take a long hard look at the statistics of folks who are incarcerated."





For the record, data from RTC patients shows higher recidivism than jail, as well as long-lasting psychological problems.  So, just for the record, your kid is better off in juvie than an RTC.



Do your research FIRST, then cite statistics..."

Sorry -- Statistics prove overwhelmingly that "jail time" does not rehabilitate well at all.  You dont want your child going to jail at almost any cost.

[Anonymous]

And you think jail doesn't cause long-lasting psychological damage?  And if he ends up in juvie, they start with foster care and bumping him around, and bandaids, and labeling and rampant confusion and intimidation.  My son was brought up on skateboarding charges....SKATEBOARDING and the PO we had to speak with was threatening to lock him up.  

That's the juvenile justice system when you're just looking at skateboarding down a sidewalk and minding your own business.

[CCM girl 1989]

On 2005-12-05 22:30:00, famjaztique wrote:

"Well, after our "heart to heart" last night, my son went to school today but then came home and I caught him in several lies.  First, he asked if a friend could stay and I later found out the boy had run away from his foster care situation.  



Because my son has a history of sneaking out I watch him carefully.  Sure enough, 10 minutes ago I caught him sneaking out.  My son had snitched my cell phone and after I got him back into the house I received no less than three phone calls on my cell in the next 15 minutes.  All hang ups.  My son said he was just going to 7/11 because there was nothing in the house to drink.  I had just gone shopping.  There was milk, juice, bottled water and even KoolAid for a treat.  



So, this is what I'm dealing with.  Lie after lie after lie.  He apologized but wouldn't admit he was up to anything except getting a drink.  What kid needs to make and receive phone calls in the wee hours of the morning on a Monday night to just go get a drink?  



Just so you all understand I'm not looking for a place to send off my kid just because he's not getting straight A's or because it is "convenient" for me.  No matter how much I supervise, or listen, or understand, or set boundaries, he keeps manipulating me and the situation to his own end. He is 14!  Not to mention, through all of these things, he has been nothing but disrespectful to me instead of thankful. "

Well, come on now, think about it.........your son has found someone he has a lot in common with. It's pretty normal when you are going through what he is, to hang out with someone that you feel won't judge you, someone you can talk to, someone who is going through very similar things. The thing that is worrisome, is if they enter in destructive behaivor together. I'm not sure if you live in the country, or in the city? It makes a difference. You are going to be able to find trouble no matter where you live, however if you live in the city it's a lot easier. I don't know Mom....would it hurt your feelings if I told you, your probably not viewed as a very "cool" parent. I was able to have 1 1/2 years of normal high school life here in California, and us kids didn't mind hanging out at other kids houses whose parents provided us with fun things to do/lots of snacks (they usually were members of Cosco), and privacy. You need to do everything possible to keep him at home, and happy. You need to give him structure, but room to breathe. They might be sneaking out to 7-11 so they can talk, and be normal teenage boys. I would be sneaking out too if my Mom had one ear on my bedroom door. I'm not saying that's what you are doing for sure......but I wouldn't be surprised.

[Anonymous]

And the numbers are still out on RTC's.  Not enough studies.

[Anotherscaredmom]

"I don't know Mom....would it hurt your feelings if I told you, your probably not viewed as a very "cool" parent. I was able to have 1 1/2 years of normal high school life here in California, and us kids didn't mind hanging out at other kids houses whose parents provided us with fun things to do/lots of snacks (they usually were members of Cosco), and privacy. You need to do everything possible to keep him at home, and happy. You need to give him structure, but room to breathe. They might be sneaking out to 7-11 so they can talk, and be normal teenage boys. I would be sneaking out too if my Mom had one ear on my bedroom door. I'm not saying that's what you are doing for sure......but I wouldn't be surprised."

I had to laugh at this.  Yeah, last night I did have my ear pressed up against the door.  That's not the Mom I used to be but since he has been getting in trouble and I kept finding out he was lying to me, I got more worried...which is bordering on paranoia now!  LOL.  It's not funny, but it is funny that you so tactfully put that part of it into perspective.  Unfortunately, I have been a very trusting mom and that didn't seem to matter.  He still lied and got in trouble.  

But thank you for the reminder.   Even now, when things look darkest, I have to find spaces to ease up and still give him that chance to do what is right...or even what's wrong and hope it doesn't land him in juvie.  In the meantime, I'm concentrating on getting all my ducks in a row to get him homeschooled or into a smaller school as our next step before RTC.

[Anonymous]

What the hell is RTC? Renton Technical College? Religious Technology Center? The Romberg Tiburon Center for Environmental Studies?

Is it the same as (or on the same lines of) ROTC? How could ROTC possibly be worse than jail? This kid, as nice of a kid as he sounds, would be a chump if he got thrown into juvy. I mean some kids get thrown into juvy and it makes them tougher and teaches them a little about respect. But some that are just too weak for that shit come out quivering little balls of shit.

[CCM girl 1989]

Okay, there are pro's and con's about RTC's VS. Juvi/Jail.
I'm really not sure how to say this without sounding like a snobbie beech, but here it goes.....I think if I had a choice of sending my kid to a knarley RTC, or having him in Juvi, I would definately put him in the RTC. I think you  have more rights in Juvi then in some of these RTC's, but the type of kids you are in there with........yikes!!! Most of the kids will come from lower income families, and I don't mean families who live from paycheck to paycheck, I mean families who are in constant transition from shelters to streets, that are mostly on welfare. This is traumatic for kids. Also, I would be afraid that these other kids in Juvi would be picking on my kid because his family had money that theirs did not. It could get ugly, and he could get hurt.

I don't like either of these options personally. If I had a teenager, which I hope to someday............I'd provide them with the type of home that other kids felt comfortable hanging out in. I'd provide them with games/movies/and plenty of snacks from Cosco. I'd give them structure, but I would give them privacy, and space. I'd try not to be judgemental, I'd try to be understanding of what they are going through. It's tough being that age. It really is. I want my kids to like me. I want them to feel comfortable around me. I want them to be able to open up to me.

[CCM girl 1989]

Oh BTW, I would try my hardest to find the least abusive RTC, which would mean no WWASP facilities! (RTC means Residential Treatment Center!