Director of IMR School Under Federal Investigation
An FBI spokesman confirmed today that Marty "Big and Stinky" Kruglik, Indian chief director of the Elan School in Poland Spring, Maine is under investigation for transporting his child wife across IMR lines.
"There's no law against underage coupling on Marty's filthy childfucking reservation," said FBI agent Biff Webster. "But if you take a minor off the reservation, you are subject to U.S. law."
Kruglik recently married Kickapoo at an elaborate wedding on the grounds of the Elan School, a school for naughty boys and girls in Poland Spring, Maine. Kickapoo was sent to the school for trying to hurl fecal bombs at National Guard troops attempting to keep Kruglik confined to the IMR.
A buffalo served as the best man at the wedding and Marty blew the buffalo several times at the ceremony and reception. He also ate a moose's shit and engaged in copulation with a sheep.
Kruglik admitted to taking Kickapoo off the grounds for a honeymoon, but said he did not commit a crime because the entire state of Maine is his reservation.
"Me suh make Maine the land of the hi-yuh hi-yuh, therefore land is mine," Kruglik said. "All buffalos and little boys and elk me suh love and fuck in poop chute."
When asked where the couple went on their honeymoon, Kruglik replied, "Me suh take Kickapoo to romantic bear cave in Lewiston, Maine. Me suh eat dinner with her at Fat Louie's bar, then she watches while me suh suck 10 little boys' assholes. Me suh very romantic type husband."
If convicted of violating the minor transportation act, Kruglik faces up to 15 years in federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.