I disagree, Nihil. It was an important discovery for my son that he had cost himself something important- life with his family (even though a lot of it was at a boarding school). It isn't a matter of the program's GOAL being to bring about that. I am just stating facts as they pertain to MY kid and OUR situation. I personally sat in groups at Carlbrook and heard kids say they would rather be at Carlbrook than with their families. There were some really unfortunate family situations. My son hated us and thought it wasn't worth following a few basic rules to live in our home.
Another thing he learned was that it was OK to have (and show) feelings. He had grown up keeping everything in until he "blew". That did not serve him well. He didn't come out gushing with emotions, but he was a whole lot better than when he went in. He learned this from other kids in the programs who he liked and respected. They were kids like him in many ways, and they were learning to express anger, fear, sadness and joy in healthy ways. This worked for my kid. I'm not saying it makes the program great and worth it.
When we were faced with the decision on a program, we met a family in town who had a kid who had just graduated from Cascade. He had the same general profile as my son- private school kid, no respect for authority of any kind, some substance use, defied all consequences..... He was starting at University of Michigan. There was little info out there about Carlbrook- it was pretty new. I did talk to two local families with kids there and one person from ST who had a kid a lot like my son who got kicked out of C-brook.
I didn't say Carlbrook helped school options (although it did) or peer issues. I'm saying that is why coming home wasn't an option (my son's statement this week).
My kid ONLY got into his next school because Carlbrook gave him the green light. They didn't like doing it, but they did. They could have told those schools what they really believed, which was that my son was a disaster and would corrupt their community and not succeed without finishing the C-brook program. Instead, the head guy crossed his fingers and let us go.
You are going to be all over me for this, but I am a parent. I knew my kid was ready to come out just as strongly as I knew he couldn't stay at home any longer when we sent him to wilderness.
Another thing to remember- even if parents were to be told there is only a 30% success rate- even if they are told the things you point out with statistics and studies- if there is a CHANCE your child will be helped- you are willing to take it. This is why there needs to be options that are not abusive in any way and rely on proven therapeutic techniques.
It is hard for me to generalize, because what is right for a kid with a huge substance addiction is not right for a kid with anger and depression.
A chance is one thing, but given zero evidence at all and the lack of seperating coallation from causation, you don't even have that to stand on in an arguement! I can understand the willingness to do anything for a
perceived "deadinsaneorinjail" situation, but that still does not make it right - it merely excuses someone making a hasty decision under duress without knowledge of the facts.
First you say that he cost himself life with family, yet most of it was at a boarding school, then you act like that's somehow some sort of a goal? It is NOT a developmental or psychotherapeutic goal to make someone just utterly love and respect their parents and what was 'provided' for them, especially if most of it was so far away from them.
Respect is EARNED. This is COERSION!
Not trying to Dr. Phil out here but don't you think growing up at a boarding school might have contributed to how he is? How can you earn someones respect if he's not around you? All he did was realize carlbrook was shitty and that it would be preferrable to be elsewhere than carlbrook, but that being spun as "respecting authority and what the parents did for the child" just reeks of the nonsense that comes out like a torrent from programs, programmies and struggling
parents.
That isn't growing up, developmental blah blah blah or anything, but it might be a part of one of those fly-by-night EMOTIONAL GROWTH curriculums, as buckus as they are for lack of a better word to describe them.
Have you ever gone to a real Psych about any of this?
Also, speaking from a little experience and a little education, trauma in general and the kind of bullshit a program does is not what a sane educuated PROFESSIONAL would ever do to help someone who can't 'feel feelings' or express them. What programs do is FORCE their disclosure, and that can be extremely traumatic and horrible for a lot of people to endure, and oftentimes is used as a vehicle to make them 'break down' moreso than some psycho-cryfest disclosure sob-party goal like most of the Erhard derived LGATs are.
Forcing someone to say what they feel about everything and disclose everything (and then hurting them for it one way or another, as well as telling them how they SHOULD feel...) is pretty similiar to punishing someone for hurting themself becuase they can't handle the suffering they're going through so they just hold it in. Its control of your communication and your mind, control over what you can feel and express, and its not a good thing at all, its psychological quackery.
Programs are about as good for learning how to express yourself and feel feelings and confront them as ballgags are.
