Typical Day at Sagewalk

[Anonymous]

On 2005-08-08 12:46:00, Anonymous wrote:

"I am his only step mom - his real mom passed away. Numerous people, including his own mother have tried to get to the bottom of this. He was adopted by my husband when his mom was dying and he had no legal relatives that wanted to take him in.



The funny part is my husband adopted him to protect him from the very place he is now DCF custody.



As is typical people assume his anger just recently started... how do you explain these dangerous outbursts at three, four and five ?

When his mom was alive, home with him and he was in a very loving environment ?



Again I ask you what has worked for your child ? You seem to only want to insult other parents choices. As I said earlier this decision was made on the advice of alot of professionals who knew this child very well. "

I'm coming in on this one late, but from what I have read, it sounds like this boy's case is extreme. The Brat Camp kids are not nearly as dangerous or as difficult.

In fact, your step-son's case seems so extreme that it begs the question as to whether there is a real mental illness or neurological disorder involved. From your accounts, this is not a case of a kid just acting out due to anger or a chldhood trauma. Have actual MRI's been performed? Were neurologists and psychiatrists involved or just psychologists?

If the boy's problems are as instense as described, they are clearly beyond the scope of just therapy or a program. Even the programs (both the schools and wilderness) usually say that an extremely violent teenager is not a candidate and will not be accepted.

I would suggest that something like a state mental hospital should make a diagnosis.

[Deborah]

Yes, there is a whole list of things that should be checked.
And then, it could be a simple matter of poor parenting. When you're afraid of a three year old, some red flags should be going up.

[bandit1978]

Actually, Niles, I consider being single to be a sign that you ARE healthy and credible and smart and responsible. (at least at our ages).  Versus getting married to the first person who comes along.  

He/She who marries last wins.

[Shortbus]

Im 46 and I couldnt agree more.

[Anonymous]

The REAL STRUGGLING TURKEYS WEBSITE

http://www.geocities.com/strugglingturk ... asses.html

[murley]

i was just reading through the web site to review individual feed back,
it is funny that soo many people still bitch about stuff from the past.
the past is the past and leave the anger behind, i attended a program with the same concepts (almost the exact schedule and names i.e. house in the dining room), however it was a 2 1/2 year program not a couple of months. these programs are NOT designed for youth to enjoy them...this is the whole point of the therapy....WORK ON YOUR SHIT, THEN YOU CAN GO BACK INTO SOCIETY.
and to the parents who read these sites, of course (some of these) youth are going to make their experience seem over the top, however you need to take into consideration, most of these youth are sent there for these same reasons...BEING MANPUILATIVE and GETTING WHAT THEY WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
after going through a very intense 2 1/2 year program myself at the young age of 14, damn right i would send my child there if they were in need.
however...you can only help thoes who want to be helped

[AtomicAnt]

On 2005-08-12 20:14:00, murley wrote:

"i was just reading through the web site to review individual feed back,

it is funny that soo many people still bitch about stuff from the past.

the past is the past and leave the anger behind, i attended a program with the same concepts (almost the exact schedule and names i.e. house in the dining room), however it was a 2 1/2 year program not a couple of months. these programs are NOT designed for youth to enjoy them...this is the whole point of the therapy....WORK ON YOUR SHIT, THEN YOU CAN GO BACK INTO SOCIETY.

and to the parents who read these sites, of course (some of these) youth are going to make their experience seem over the top, however you need to take into consideration, most of these youth are sent there for these same reasons...BEING MANPUILATIVE and GETTING WHAT THEY WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

after going through a very intense 2 1/2 year program myself at the young age of 14, damn right i would send my child there if they were in need.

however...you can only help thoes who want to be helped"

It took you 2 1/2 years to get over being manipulative? Congrats.

Being manipulative is not a valid reason to be incarcerated. It is a valid reason for parents to look at how stupid they must be for allowing themselves to be manipulated by a kid.

[Antigen]

On 2005-08-12 20:14:00, murley wrote:

BEING MANPUILATIVE and GETTING WHAT THEY WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Another status offense. Adults who manipulate to get what they want are called "successful" or "diplomatic" or "clever" or "management material".

You say there is but one way to worship the Great Spirit. If there is but one religion, why do you white people differ so much about it?
--Chief Red Jacket, Seneca Indian Chieftain

[Anonymous]

Adults who manipulate to get what they want are called manipulative, just as kids are.  Manipulation is an abuse of trust.  I'm sure all of you on this board would be such wonderful parents (not that many of you have actually had that experience) that you would NEVER be manipulated by your child and would NEVER believe his or her lies.  Sorry the rest of us are such sub-par parents.

[Troll Control]

On 2005-08-13 11:46:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Adults who manipulate to get what they want are called manipulative, just as kids are.  Manipulation is an abuse of trust.  I'm sure all of you on this board would be such wonderful parents (not that many of you have actually had that experience) that you would NEVER be manipulated by your child and would NEVER believe his or her lies.  Sorry the rest of us are such sub-par parents."

Poor me...poor, poor me...sniffle...

I'm so sorry I can't live up to the expectations of a bunch of anonymous strangers on a message board...   ::boohoo::

[Nonconformistlaw]

Bandit1978 said ----"He/She who marries last wins."

I hope your right about that! And I agree, it is foolish to marry the first thing that comes along or before being ready for it.

TSW, I have you beat...I'm over 30 :exclaim: :grin: ...although I cant say I blame men for being so skittish...lots of scary women (and men for that matter) out there!

[Antigen]

I have a kid who's legal to drink and two more coming right up behind her at 5 and 7 year intervals. All girls. Don't step to me tryin' ta' tell me about kids! LOL

What's a politician or a salesman or a manager if not someone who's adept at manipulating voters, customers or employees?

All effective advertising is blatant manipulation. We suspend disbelief and agree to the manipulation (most do, anyway, some I suppose actually believe). But it's manipulation all the same. When kids do it, some people view that as a character flaw. When adults do it, we give them career advancement and a pay raise.
 

Fear is the parent of cruelty, therefore it is no wonder if religion and cruelty have gone hand-in-hand.
--Bertrand Russell, British philosopher, educator, mathemetician, and social critic

[Anonymous]

There is a line between selling, stating a persuasive case, debating versus manipulating.

[AtomicAnt]

On 2005-08-13 11:46:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Adults who manipulate to get what they want are called manipulative, just as kids are.  Manipulation is an abuse of trust.  I'm sure all of you on this board would be such wonderful parents (not that many of you have actually had that experience) that you would NEVER be manipulated by your child and would NEVER believe his or her lies.  Sorry the rest of us are such sub-par parents."

I think you misunderstood my post. I was alluding to the constantly promoted idea that sending kids into a program is a last resort. If a kid is only guilty of being manipulative, that does not seem reason enough to send him to a program.

The original post stated something to the effect that all the kids who are sent into programs are sent there because they are manipulative. I view that as a false generalization. Kids are sent to these programs for many different reasons and often the program is not the last resort.

The word, manipulative, is a frequent used buzz-word among programs. It is used in a very dangerous way. If the student writes home about how horrible the program is, the program informs the parents that the child is just being manipulative. While plausible, it is also possible that the student is telling the truth. How would the parents know? That uncertainty is a good reason not to isolate the student from the parents. The parents have a responsibility to know what is going on.

FYI, I am a parent.

[AtomicAnt]

On 2005-08-13 15:48:00, Anonymous wrote:

"There is a line between selling, stating a persuasive case, debating versus manipulating.  "

I disagree. Anyone who has purchased a new car can tell you that there is no line between selling and manipulating. Unless you mean something different by selling than what I mean by that word. I have found all sorts of salespeople to be manipulative.