What I said about Brian, back on the 2nd of Nov. was simply what I saw Brian go through. Of course both Dean and Brian are going to have different 'sides' of the same story. Brian told me that he went to Dean and asked for help. Brian's words: "The only time I've ever maintained sobriety was when I have been helping people." "Can I come back to AARC in some capacity, so I can start helping people and in turn get out of this 'hole' I'm in?" Dean's words (via Brian) No, you've let me down, one too many times. I'm sorry, but I can't do it.
For Brian, this was a major blow. I am NOT saying that Dean is the devil, or that he is responsible for Brian's death, that would be absurd! But if you knew the rest of the story you might be able to see why Brian went to Dean for help. You see, in the KIDS program and probably AARC too, they teach: "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink it... but you sure can make them thirsty for it." You can make their lives so damn misreable that they have no choice but to take what they are being fed. That saying, is just one way that KIDS (and AARC) justifies their modalities of treatment. We know from the 12 steps that you can't force someone into sobriety. We also know that when an addict asks for help to get sober again that we are (or should) be there for them (the 12th step) helping others??? I don't think it's suddenly changed over the last 14 years. Brian was at his end, when he went to Dean for help. After that, his brother and his wife had kicked him out of where he was living, (which is why he was at that apartment building where he hung himself). Oddly enough, Brian's sister in law was also in Al-anon.
Granted Brian was messed up. He hurt a lot of people while he was active in his addiction. Brian reached out for help to someone that he once relied on and who knew him when he was sober. That person turned his back on Brian, why? I don't know, probably to protect his precious reputation...
Brian was a good person, not perfect, but who is? When he was using, he screwed over a lot of people. I was one of those people! Didn't we learn that that was their disease? Not the person? I know whoever told me to "check my facts" is just trying to protect Dean, but the facts are, that Brian did go to Dean for help, and Dean did turn him away. There is no excuse for that. Except, that Dean doesn't follow what he preaches. (Hmmm, sounds like Newton too). No one is at fault for Brian's death, this isn't a 'fault' issue. I sure as hell hope that if I EVER need help someday that the people I have in my life won't give up on me. I think at the end of Brian's life there were only 2 maybe 3 of us that he felt could turn too. He chose not to turn to us. Do you think that I haven't questioned myself about Brian's death? If only I had picked up on the signs that I now know, all too well, if only they had kept him in the hospital longer after he ingested a bunch of pills in bed one night, while he thought I was sleeping. I love Brian deeply, and his person (not his addiction) is what I try to remember. If Dean had that in mind and practiced what he preached, maybe Brian would have remained sober this time. I don't know, because that didn't happen, did it? Instead Dean got up at his funeral and spoke like that were the best of friends. I was sitting on the front row, and couldn't for the life of me make eye contact with Dean or with Peter. DO you really think that Brian would have wanted Dean and Pete to speak on his behalf? Absolutley not!
I am sorry to go on and on about this but, when Brian worked for Dean, he WAS sober, and when he was in trouble, Dean couldn't be bothered to help him out. Enough said!
Bye!