15 to 18? You were in there a really long time, Beth 1222, you entered young and were imprisoned in a weird place during important formative years. I could not possibly fault you for feeling any certain way while you were in there, or for anything you did.
Regarding the "obs notebooks" and what someone was saying about having "hunches" that someone was lying, I think that is a big part of the brainwashing/cult thing, that the ones in authority claim to have secret knowledge about you.
I think I picked this up and had a really hard time with people afterward because I was always reading hidden thoughts they had (I thought I was), or being paranoid that they KNEW something that I had not said out loud, or could see into how I felt.