Shaggys, you missed my point. My point is... how fucked up a place is to make teenagers turn into people like that just to get out...Yes, it is something I couldn't do and for me it made me feel like there was something wrong with me. I mean, 98% or more of the kids around me were doing it and it made me think I was crazy or broken...But then again.. I was the only kid in my class who refused to say the pledge and was kicked out of high school for it... None of those kids understood why I didn't just go along. The point is I couldn't! I told them I would say "Many nations under many Gods" But wtf, that wasn't good enough for those fkrs at school. But for me, I needed to acknowledge all people in that pledge, because my pledge was to HUMANITY as a whole.
I thought until just a few years ago, I was the one who was broken. But then I realized there wasn't anything wrong with any of us, it was only how each individual responded. I vowed to die in Straight Va. 86... before I would eat the children around me. I don't know why, that is just how I responded, no better or worse.. just differently. Do not shame me because I have no understanding as to why people around me conformed. I will never be able to understand, just as you will never be able to understand why I didn't just "fake it". I mean you all are saying "faking it" was what one HAD to do. Which is not true. I would have sat on my hands there in that blue chair for the rest of my life, because as far as I was concerned.. my life had already ended the day they left me in that place. I had come to terms with that and had completely given up on day 1. And I was ok with that. They stood me up everyday and many people spit in my face everyday. I was thrown to that floor everyday I was in there with some filthy hand over my mouth and 4 other girls sitting on my arms/legs... I just lost hope. I have no understanding of how any of you all had any hope of getting out at all. I had no understanding of what it was you all had to run to when you copped out.. I had nothing and I was empty, completely. I just sat there, on my hands staring at the floor.. and then Id be stood up and spat on or thrown to the floor. I had no hope inside me at all. No fight left. My only defense was to refuse to participate and hope to die.
My point is, like all those behavior experiments... People like power over others. And people with power will devour the souls of those under them. And then programs started using that fact to turn kids against other kids... "to save them from drugs". Meanwhile, it killed a part of each of us. Any small part you may think was good about straight, was a twisted version of reality and used against all of us. Each small part, was a part which made the whole machine run and work to break us all down. All of it was sick and psychotic. Disgusting. Maybe my hate for Straight and all places like it burns deeper than most peoples, but one thing is for sure.. that fire burns hot within me and I refuse, still to this day, to watch anyone be treated poorly. Even in my work, that is what will make me a great nurse. Because I will not stand by and let people abuse people (or animals) in the name of anything.