Holding parents accountable

[ChristineMarie]

whoah~ step back people...

As a mother of 5 ranging from 20 years to 21 months. Survivor of Straight and a few other programs.

I hardly think it is fair to make a blanket statement like that about anyone seeking help for there child.

The problem is as with everything in this consumer driven society we live in; is MONEY is the bottom line. To make money these corps. hire huge and very well educated ( Not meaning intelligence) just credentials Marketing firms to do just that, market the agenda. Their Agenda. To fill beds. Just google Troubled teen and se what you get. i know preachin to the choir....

No parent says "I am so messed up and have messed my kid up so I am going to send them away to a Treatment Center". Maybe place them with Family, Foster Care or a Ward of the State. But Not a treatment center.

These treatment Centers prey on Parents emotions that are usually worn thread bare by the time they even begin to consider placement. And the decision is usually helped along fron the public school sector. Johny seems more active then normal take him to his doc. for some eval. and meds. Johnny isn't doing well in class let's put him in an OHI class. Johnny doesn't get along well with others, might I suggest you meet with the IEP Team and come up with a plan. Johnny might be a harm to himself or others, we know of a facility that can help you. Don't worry his IEP or FAPT will pay for it. Do you see???

Most parents look at these as boarding School situations and think they are doing the best by there child, but unfortunately for the kids they have not done all their homework on both sides. They only read all the pomp and circumstance instead of getting real references from actual families. A pre released ready to go list saying to call so and so.

I know because I have one of these kids. I have looked at options, I have one councelor for him that recommends wilderness camp. Will I do it, no.
have I probably messed up as a parent? You bet. Do I have their best interest and pursuit at happiness at the forfront of everyhting I do for them? You bet! Will they always be happy with every decision I make for them. Heck no.

I think the main focus should be getting the word about the truth to the ones that make all the recomendations to the parents. Phys. Counselors, School Guidance Coun. IEP Teams, FAPT Teams. use your voice, but constructivly to be taken seriously.


~~~~~~>Steps down from Soapbox

one more thing.promise

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord    Ephesians 6:4

If more parents would remember this and not react so quickly whether in anger or from suggestion of others. And rely on what they know to be right. They might find out they knew what to do all along.

~Chris

[TheWho]

Well whenever the who sounds in I know I'm on the right track.

Congrats Pitbull Mom and Buzzkill you both fail horridly based on association via the who.

TSW, Neither Buzzkill or Pitbull Mom work for me directly nor indirectly.... any common opinions should be regarded as merely happenstance or a commonality of good taste or sound up bringing and nothing more.

[ZenAgent]

I hope you people who are harshly judging parents will remember when you too are a parent how it feels to be afraid for your kids safety.  For their future.  Parents are only people too.

I was never more worried about my kid then when she was IN the program.

[Pitbull Mom]

kids blame parents. parents blame marketing or ed cons. Why bother? It does absolutely nothing to stop any abuse. Every situation is not the same.  There are legitimate cases of bad parents, saying that all parents are bad is just so immature and juvenile.  If your crate of eggs has one bad egg, you don't throw out the whole carton, you just toss the bad egg.

Why not drop the blame game and instead focus on the underlying issues and what you can do about it instead of finding entertainment over others' pain and loss. I don't see anyone making fun of survivors. Your situation with your parents is not the same as everyone else's. The parents described in this thread should be arrested for child abuse. Assuming that every parent has that same mentility is beyond ludicrous.

I know, as do my family and friends, and all the other people that were concerned about my son's disability, that I was not a deadbeat mom, and that's all that counts. I don't particularly care about anyone else's opinion.

What I'm doing to help get the abuse stories out is: radio interviews about the GAO hearing relative to my son's death and other cases of neglect and abuse, sending press releases, contacting members of the committee with answers to some of their questions, pressuring Utah Office of Licensing to issue sanctions in my son's death, getting his story out, filing complaints with JHACO and NATSAP.  For the last week, my fax machine has been humming, alerting the committe members to survivor's stories, giving the committe members ideas on questions they should ask, etc etc.

[TheWho]

I hope you people who are harshly judging parents will remember when you too are a parent how it feels to be afraid for your kids safety.  For their future.  Parents are only people too.

I was never more worried about my kid then when she was IN the program.

Oh boy, you were fortunate... I remember being scared out of my wits some nights when my daughter didnt come home and didnt know where she was.  That was a level of worry I would never wish on any parent and would never want to repeat myself.

Turns out I had good reason for worry.

[Anonymous]

If you are worried about your daughter not coming home and not knowing where she is, you have fucked up as a parent. If you have put your kid in one of these programs, you have fucked up as a parent. Since you are a fucked up parent, your views on whether you are a good parent don't mean shit to me.

[ChristineMarie]

(((((((((P.MOM))))))))

[hanzomon4]

I think the point in regards to this topic is that after a certain point some parents must be held responsible. In cases where parents have been given the information and do nothing, when after program they learn that their child has been abused and choose to deny it or play the victim to AVOID guilt, when parents blame the child for being placed in an abusive program, and of course the parent that's just evil... I could go on but obviously some parents are as responsible as the program for abuse, not all but some.

PBmom don't take it personally, you are not like the parents I've heard about to the best of my knowledge. Trust me, many of the folks here have good reasons to hold their parent responsible. Not addressing a parent's role in this is naive. Also just because some may want to talk about this issue on fornits does not mean that they are not working as hard, if not harder, then you on ending abuse in programs.

[TheWho]

I think the point in regards to this topic is that after a certain point some parents must be held responsible. In cases where parents have been given the information and do nothing, when after program they learn that their child has been abused and choose to deny it or play the victim to AVOID guilt, when parents blame the child for being placed in an abusive program, and of course the parent that's just evil... I could go on but obviously some parents are as responsible as the program for abuse, not all but some.

PBmom don't take it personally, you are not like the parents I've heard about to the best of my knowledge. Trust me, many of the folks here have good reasons to hold their parent responsible. Not addressing a parent's role in this is naive. Also just because some may want to talk about this issue on fornits does not mean that they are not working as hard, if not harder, then you on ending abuse in programs.

I think what is difficult for new parents coming here is to determine which programs are good and which are bad.  Fornits seems to categorize them all into one bucket (as bad) when in fact we know thousands (and the vast majority) of kids who graduate from these boarding schools do very well.  The parents can find this out by talking to parents who had children in the program and by calling many facilities (which is difficult at best), but they cant find that out here on fornits...so yes, parents who send their kids to abusive programs must be held responsible because they didnt do enough homework, but we could make their jobs alot more easier if we helped them choose the path for their child and point out the more abusive programs.

why doesnt anyone want to help out, but only want to criticize?

[ChristineMarie]

Those are two very good posts. :lol:

[hanzomon4]

I think the point in regards to this topic is that after a certain point some parents must be held responsible. In cases where parents have been given the information and do nothing, when after program they learn that their child has been abused and choose to deny it or play the victim to AVOID guilt, when parents blame the child for being placed in an abusive program, and of course the parent that's just evil... I could go on but obviously some parents are as responsible as the program for abuse, not all but some.

PBmom don't take it personally, you are not like the parents I've heard about to the best of my knowledge. Trust me, many of the folks here have good reasons to hold their parent responsible. Not addressing a parent's role in this is naive. Also just because some may want to talk about this issue on fornits does not mean that they are not working as hard, if not harder, then you on ending abuse in programs.

I think what is difficult for new parents coming here is to determine which programs are good and which are bad.  Fornits seems to categorize them all into one bucket (as bad) when in fact we know thousands (and the vast majority) of kids who graduate from these boarding schools do very well.  The parents can find this out by talking to parents who had children in the program and by calling many facilities (which is difficult at best), but they cant find that out here on fornits...so yes, parents who send their kids to abusive programs must be held responsible because they didnt do enough homework, but we could make their jobs alot more easier if we helped them choose the path for their child and point out the more abusive programs.

why doesnt anyone want to help out, but only want to criticize?

Fornits has nothing to do with the issue of parental responsibility. The folks here present facts about programs that parents are free to believe or not. It's not anyone's job here to convince them. They must take responsibility when it comes to sending their kid away to accept or reject the information here, or else where.

When we criticize programs like the one PBMom sent her son to you are the first one to holler about how unfair we are and how we misrepresent the facts. Her son is dead, killed in a way that has been covered many times on fornits. She called the program and they sold her a lie. You want to complain about not being able to get accurate information? Start with them, the programs.

It's folks like you and NATSAP that actively try to obscure the truth in an effort to trick moms like PBMom into a false sense of security. Once the worse happens they just turn into "Nosy individuals", statistics, to be swept under the rug.

Fornits, unlike the industry, never claims to be all knowing. Folks here only have passion and the truth of their experience. If you don't like what you hear go back to the fairy tale you claim is so wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Thewho is an industry shill. You cannot recommend parents to a good program because there aren't any. You can point parents to programs that do not physically abuse their children, but there are no programs that don't emotionally abuse them.

You cannot find any generally accepted scientific evidence that supports a claim that residential therapeutic facilities or therapeutic boarding schools are effective. You can readily find reports from the US Surgeon General and many others that say these programs are harmful.

Look at what TheWho says, and figure the truth is probably the opposite.

[TheWho]

Thewho is an industry shill. You cannot recommend parents to a good program because there aren't any. You can point parents to programs that do not physically abuse their children, but there are no programs that don't emotionally abuse them.

You cannot find any generally accepted scientific evidence that supports a claim that residential therapeutic facilities or therapeutic boarding schools are effective. You can readily find reports from the US Surgeon General and many others that say these programs are harmful.

Look at what TheWho says, and figure the truth is probably the opposite.

That sums up my point...... there are thousands of kids who do well each year in TBS's around the country (Even George Miller recognized this fact, just this afternoon), yet people like you and many on fornits would rather see a child fail or do poorly rather than help a parent find the best placement for their child and will go as far as to lie to them saying no help exists... this is a tragedy in itself.

It appears Honzo doesnt want any part of the responsibility either...easier to just let the kids suffer and stick by painting all the schools one color...easier to keep track of your positions.....Hmmm

[hanzomon4]

My post TheWho ignored for better bait

Fornits has nothing to do with the issue of parental responsibility. The folks here present facts about programs that parents are free to believe or not. It's not anyone's job here to convince them. They must take responsibility when it comes to sending their kid away to accept or reject the information here, or else where.

When we criticize programs like the one PBMom sent her son to you are the first one to holler about how unfair we are and how we misrepresent the facts. Her son is dead, killed in a way that has been covered many times on fornits. She called the program and they sold her a lie. You want to complain about not being able to get accurate information? Start with them, the programs.

It's folks like you and NATSAP that actively try to obscure the truth in an effort to trick moms like PBMom into a false sense of security. Once the worse happens they just turn into "Nosy individuals", statistics, to be swept under the rug.

Fornits, unlike the industry, never claims to be all knowing. Folks here only have passion and the truth of their experience. If you don't like what you hear go back to the fairy tale you claim is so wonderful.

Thewho is an industry shill. You cannot recommend parents to a good program because there aren't any. You can point parents to programs that do not physically abuse their children, but there are no programs that don't emotionally abuse them.

You cannot find any generally accepted scientific evidence that supports a claim that residential therapeutic facilities or therapeutic boarding schools are effective. You can readily find reports from the US Surgeon General and many others that say these programs are harmful.

Look at what TheWho says, and figure the truth is probably the opposite.

That sums up my point...... there are thousands of kids who do well each year in TBS's around the country (Even George Miller recognized this fact, just this afternoon), yet people like you and many on fornits would rather see a child fail or do poorly rather than help a parent find the best placement for their child and will go as far as to lie to them saying no help exists... this is a tragedy in itself.

It appears Honzo doesnt want any part of the responsibility either...easier to just let the kids suffer and stick by painting all the schools one color...easier to keep track of your positions.....Hmmm

[lorrispickelmire]

The Who wrote:
I think what is difficult for new parents coming here is to determine which programs are good and which are bad. Fornits seems to categorize them all into one bucket (as bad) when in fact we know thousands (and the vast majority) of kids who graduate from these boarding schools do very well. The parents can find this out by talking to parents who had children in the program and by calling many facilities (which is difficult at best), but they cant find that out here on fornits...so yes, parents who send their kids to abusive programs must be held responsible because they didnt do enough homework, but we could make their jobs alot more easier if we helped them choose the path for their child and point out the more abusive programs.

why doesnt anyone want to help out, but only want to criticize?

That is a load of crap.  You can't get an honest response out of program parents, to hear my mother tell it, she saved me by sending me to the hell farm.  You need to get a grip.  You want the truth about abuse, ask the victim, not the co-abuser.[/b]