The abused also swallows whole and assimilates the torturer's negative view of him and often, as a result, is rendered suicidal, self-destructive, or self-defeating.
That's scary, and can definitely relate. I hated who I was at CEDU. Blownaway said something very interesting to me. He said "I wonder if we remember ourselves accurately at CEDU, or rather, we remember ourselves based on what was said to us in raps?" He said that my description of myself while I was there was identical to things he remembers people yelling at me about in raps and the propheet we were in together.
I am so violently opposed to this concept it scares me. No. There was no way I'm remembering it because of the raps. I really was that much of a loser. That's what's scary. Intellectually, I can entertain the possibility, but on a gut level, I was what they told me I was. They wouldn't have said that to me in a rap if I hadn't been acting that way beforehand.
Chilling.
Ultimately...whatever. All I know is, I'm not like that anymore, so who cares? At least I managed to regain my identity. It took a lot of work and fighting, though.
The self-loathing is still an issue, to an extent. It just manifests itself in new ways.