Struggling Teens or Struggling Parents???

[Anonymous]

Leslie, I want you to re-read your own post.
You SAID: you were taking Greg to a casino and that you SAID "as long as he knows when to stop."
So, according to your OWN WORDS, you had/have every intention of taking that boy into a casino for gambling.
That is irresponsible.
And you SAID you would take the "money from his own account."
So, there must be money available from SOMEWHERE.
Perhaps I want you to go blabber back on Struggling Teens to that bunch.

[Anonymous]

ok, last time for awhile that I reply to you, as I leave early in the am on a plane. what am I supposed to do when he gets mad at me with his temper and says that he is going no matter what?  He is 18 now, what can I do?  I know it is wrong, and I will try everything I can so that he won't go, but what can I do to stop him?  He and I both want to start out "fresh" with each other and be nice to each other, but I remember his temper.  Tell me, how do I handle this?  Please give me your opinion, and I will listen.  I will check back here before I leave in the early am.  Thank you!

[Anonymous]

In Vegas you must be 21 to gamble.

Here in California, and also in Arizona, you can go to an Indian casino at age 18.  They're all over southern CA and very accessible.

[Anonymous]

That is what my son told me, and he will be in the state of Washington.  Like I said, he is now 18, I can't tell him what to do, just suggest things, and hope that he makes the best choices and decisions.

[AtomicAnt]

On 2006-06-07 17:23:00, Anonymous wrote:

"ok, last time for awhile that I reply to you, as I leave early in the am on a plane. what am I supposed to do when he gets mad at me with his temper and says that he is going no matter what?  He is 18 now, what can I do?  I know it is wrong, and I will try everything I can so that he won't go, but what can I do to stop him?  He and I both want to start out "fresh" with each other and be nice to each other, but I remember his temper.  Tell me, how do I handle this?  Please give me your opinion, and I will listen.  I will check back here before I leave in the early am.  Thank you!"

Okay, now you are in a pickle and there is no easy way out. First you tell him you will accompany him to a casino and now you want to say no? Did I get that right? Also, you are afraid of his temper? Is he violent? Are you afraid of him?

I'm going to go out a limb. Since you said you would take him, you should do so. It's not good to back out of promises. I hope the money you have from his account is limited. Try making a deal along the lines of, "If your losses reach $xxx, we leave, period, okay?" In other words, simply limit the money he can lose. Of course he cannot lose more than he brings, so don't give him much. Does he already know how much you are bringing? If not, maybe you should hide some of it at home and take less.

Maybe you could set a time limit. Plan the movie thing and make sure you leave the casino in time to make the show.

I don't like this. Enabling a person with a gambling problem to go gambling is not a very responsible parenting move. Yes, he is 18 and can do what he wants. That doesn't mean you have to agree with it or participate in any way.

Oh, and be the Mom. In a sense you are the chaperone. You are still the Mom and if his TBS experience did anything at all for him, he should respect that. But you cannot force him and so should not try. Simply state your case and let it rest.

And since you are taking them somewhere, pick something you want to do as well, maybe a nice restaurant you find or something and have them accompany you. Hey, fair is fair.

Other than that, try to relax and enjoy the trip.

In the future, don't offer trips to casinos or bars, okay?

[Anonymous]

Leslie, you have posted all over ST that Greg has not been responsive to his therapy at this facility.
You posted on ST that you just finally got around to cleaning Greg's room (after a YEAR of not even washing his sheets, I might add); and that you found all sorts of drug-use crap all over this filthy room.
You think he's not going to want a drink or two, or MORE as he feeds his gambling addiction in that casino?
If this kid gets all drunked up; and his anger starts mounting, aren't you afraid you might find yourself right back where you were the day you had him hauled off FOR TREATMENT: in fear of his rage against you?
This entire episode is a recipe for disaster.
You might ought to just skip this whole trip, and overnight him the money and plane fare.

[Megalomania]

I just got a craving for a gin & tonic. Anyone else feel that?

[Anonymous]

A drink sounds great!!  Actually my son just called me, and he has decided that I am right and he is not going to ask to go to a casino, a movie and dinner and hanging out will be great.  Please don't call me a fuck up Mom and don't read my posts on ST, yes, it took me a long time before I could even go into my son's room, if any of you had lived here in this house, you would understand, his temper at the time, abusive physically and emotionally.  We are starting fresh from now on.  Good bye all, and good luck to all of you!

[Anonymous]

Now taking bets on whether she survives the experience.

Three to one odds. Against.

[Anonymous]

Leslie,

a thing you might consider is..why does your kid not want to be in dorms?

Could it be that after a year of having his peer group do all sorts of evil things to him which are utterly outside the constraints of normal society - in the name of "treatment" - that he is AFRAID of his peer group?

I would think so. Imagine you were in an environment where it was legal for your peers to imprison, beat, restrain, strip, work, humilate, verbally brutalize, relieve or degrade you for a period of a year. Its likely your ego, confidence, security would be gone as well, & that abuse is something you see as inevitable.

You would be newly aware of the "power" your peer group has over you as you have been made "powerless" by them for a very long portion of your very short life. It was not something you could overcome in the past, and therefore are likely not able to overcome in the present Now you would like just to avoid it.

In addition, the sense of shame, loss, and pain your son now has will be all the more cutting to him when he is around normal people. As the reality of his life in contrast with theirs will be intuitively apparent to him. The degradation of his existance, & of continuing to have a relationship with a mother who subjected him to staggering abuse will be palpable.
Social withdrawal is a common syndrome among program graduates.

You seem like you are a kind person When we ourselves are trouobled, we often trouble our children. Unfortunetly, unintentional harm does damage as great as intentinal harm.

Living in a dorm is more expensive than renting him some apartment. He is now less equipped for life than an average highschool dropout. No matter what, always continue to pay for his college. You owe him that much.

[Anonymous]

Whoever posted the previous reply obvieously has not lived through the troubled kid/teen yrs..For the parent with the selfish Son..Maybe you and his dad need to get on the same link and work together as parents..And Mom I want you to stand your ground in what you believe be firm don't back down..he is trying to control you and your feelings...No doubt it sounds like he inherits this from dear ole dad..An don't worry about him not liking your bf..if your happy and the bf is supportive and good to you then go with it..I am sure eventually your son will make a turn around may not be till he's 21 but at some point he will realize and grow up..Sounds like you are doing all you can..Now it is up to your son and dad..I know it is hard to stand by and watch...but I want you to calm down and be happy...he will be fine..let daddy&grandparents deal with sonnyboy now..They will soon see things your way.I am sure your son also is acting out because of the choice you made to enroll him the program...Oh well he to will survive...Don't feel guilty for trying to help your child that you obvieously love..but I myself would not have chosen any outside program..just my opinion. :smile:

[Anonymous]

Disagree that Leslie/Mom is "doing all she can do"  She's the one who AGREED to take this kid to a casino; after complaining for a year that Greg is no responding to "his therapy for drug use and gambling addiction."
Also, DOUBT SERIOUSLY if she just talked to this boy by phone. For over a year, her phone calls have been limited to once-a-week-Sunday calls: now she can just chat with him late at night. Don't think so.
I am certain she is being honest whe she admits she is afraid to deny his requests: he has been emotionally, verbally, and physially abusive to her in the past.
Leslie: don't be demanding that people don't read your posting on ST or anywhere else. ST is a public forum. YOU POST...we read.  That's just the way it is, lady.
You can't play it that way.

[Anonymous]

"good bye all?" she'll be back. she just can't help it. should be interesting too. sad, but interesting.

[Troll Control]

On 2006-06-08 07:36:00, Anonymous wrote:

""good bye all?" she'll be back. she just can't help it. should be interesting too. sad, but interesting."

This is a solid bet.  I've heard this before...

[Anonymous]

On 2006-06-08 04:29:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Whoever posted the previous reply obvieously has not lived through the troubled kid/teen yrs..For the parent with the selfish Son..

you jst revealed yourself for what you are- you advocate incarcerating all children in snakepit asylums for simly "going through the troubled/kid/teen years" That is to say imprisoning a child for going through a natural phase

remember of course by sending your child to an institution "you" as a parent have not gone through these years either.- you have sent her to an institution to be "raised" and yo have no hand in it

of course the child doesnt "go through" these years either. Rather she is battered into some regressed state, she does not "grow out of". She dissolved.

I honestly have troule beleiveing you are over 14 if you'd really catorgarize some kids extradinarily normal, especialy under the circumstances, dislike of the presense of a bf as selfish". you are Either 14 or breathtakingly insensitive and unknowledgable. Or simply very, very angry and transfering your hatred onto helpless children. Usually, thats the explanation for program people's bizzare manner of thinking