Ok, I'll play:
how to truly become a machine of sorts and close myself off completely from reality and my mind.
how to make myself cry for hours when I wasn't really sad to begin with.
how to blame myself for evertyhing that is problematic in my life b/c the simple belief in a 'higher power' and taking inventory was not working and was in fact a far over-simplification of what really was bothering me and causing me emotional distress.
How to zone out for hours when things become unpleasant
How to pretend being powerless was a good thing, and accept lack of agency instead of creating my own agency.
Like stated above- how to pick apart people in an extremely judgmental fasion- dividing the world and people in fucked up/non-fucked up categories in really stupid John like ways.
How to fear men completely.
How to fear being intimate, fearing forming 'fucked up' relationships with animals/people- as John was constantly suggesting to me...I learned how to further no 'need anyone' and that 'needing' people was a neagative thing.