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The Seed Discussion Forum / New Article
« on: November 30, 2005, 12:24:00 PM »
Thanks for the info. Brought back many memories, and most not so great.
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17
The Seed Discussion Forum / Memories of being clean and sober
« on: November 30, 2005, 12:08:00 PM »
Sorry Anonymous, but you just came out of left field not understanding the feelings and thoughts we are sharing. I live a very happy and proporous life, and I'm not talking financially. If we can't share how we feel here with someone who has been in our own shoes, what's the point of this site. No one is dwelling on the past, we are sharing positive things here. Things that have helped us to grow as individulas. So what is so wrong with that. Judge not, yet you will be judged. I came from a very dysfunctional familiy, yet all members of my family have grown up and we are a very close family and have been for many years. It all boils down to letting go of the past, forgiving, and letting everyone just be whom they are. I am in no program, and haven't been for years. I also was not "addicted" to any drug or alcohol, except cigarettes which is demon all by itself. I am still fighting to quit. Have a fantasic day.Comments like yours is why you don't see me post very often. It is uncalled for and very disrespectful. [ This Message was edited by: JaLong on 2005-11-30 09:09 ][ This Message was edited by: JaLong on 2005-11-30 09:11 ]
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The Seed Discussion Forum / Memories of being clean and sober
« on: November 30, 2005, 11:54:00 AM »
Landyh,
I was told by a counslor that I was an alcholic, a drug addict, and a sex addict(yeah right). Anyhow I did question that because I was drinking on a daily basis with my youngest daughters father. So into the room of AA I walked. I joined a group of women only. I felt very loved and welcomed there from the first day. The values and goals I saw in these women was something I wanted.I soaked things up like a sponge. After 2 wks I chose a sponsor, and from the beginning she kept asking me, " are you sure you are an alcholic"? Well being at a very low point in my life right then, I thought I was. As the years went on she kept asking me the same thing. Then I moved to Gulfport, and joined a group on the beach. There I saw so much bull. Gossiping, 13 stepping, others hooked on gambling, stealing money for their own selfish reasons, and I blew out of there. I tried a beer many months later, and didn't have another one for 2 months. I have a drink on occasion, yet I can take it or leave it. So, do you understand why I am not an alcholic? Thank God!. In the program I did learn a lot about who I was, and what I wanted for my life. I just felt so much negativity in some of the rooms. It just wasn't for me. Lyndyh, as I said before, I still have all my tools in my tool box that I use. Being in the program definatly brought me back to a very close relationship with my Creator. I have that peace that surpases all understanding, and any trials or issues I go through I grow from. I have an addictive personallity, that I know for sure.So I stay away from people, places, and things that bring any kind of negativity into my life. I do have choices, and I use them wisely.
Take care, Julie
I was told by a counslor that I was an alcholic, a drug addict, and a sex addict(yeah right). Anyhow I did question that because I was drinking on a daily basis with my youngest daughters father. So into the room of AA I walked. I joined a group of women only. I felt very loved and welcomed there from the first day. The values and goals I saw in these women was something I wanted.I soaked things up like a sponge. After 2 wks I chose a sponsor, and from the beginning she kept asking me, " are you sure you are an alcholic"? Well being at a very low point in my life right then, I thought I was. As the years went on she kept asking me the same thing. Then I moved to Gulfport, and joined a group on the beach. There I saw so much bull. Gossiping, 13 stepping, others hooked on gambling, stealing money for their own selfish reasons, and I blew out of there. I tried a beer many months later, and didn't have another one for 2 months. I have a drink on occasion, yet I can take it or leave it. So, do you understand why I am not an alcholic? Thank God!. In the program I did learn a lot about who I was, and what I wanted for my life. I just felt so much negativity in some of the rooms. It just wasn't for me. Lyndyh, as I said before, I still have all my tools in my tool box that I use. Being in the program definatly brought me back to a very close relationship with my Creator. I have that peace that surpases all understanding, and any trials or issues I go through I grow from. I have an addictive personallity, that I know for sure.So I stay away from people, places, and things that bring any kind of negativity into my life. I do have choices, and I use them wisely.
Take care, Julie
19
The Seed Discussion Forum / Memories of being clean and sober
« on: November 30, 2005, 11:26:00 AM »
Ginger,
You never cease to amaze me. I'm just glad I don't take things personally. As a matter of fact dear Ginger, I know Jimmy. Known him since he was a kid. OOPS, your bad. I still can't fathom how negative you are. Everyone has an opinion on something, and no one is neither right or wrong. I spoke from my heart. Try it sometime.
Julie
You never cease to amaze me. I'm just glad I don't take things personally. As a matter of fact dear Ginger, I know Jimmy. Known him since he was a kid. OOPS, your bad. I still can't fathom how negative you are. Everyone has an opinion on something, and no one is neither right or wrong. I spoke from my heart. Try it sometime.
Julie
20
The Seed Discussion Forum / Memories of being clean and sober
« on: November 29, 2005, 09:31:00 AM »
Jimmy,
Oh how I remember that clean and sober feeling I first felt in the seed. I felt happy for the first time in a very long time. This may sound corny, but I could hear the birds sing, feel and enjoy the wind blowing in my hair, and seeing and feeling the wonders of God. I am very proud of you for being clean for 38 days. i can relate. After being clean and sober for 19 yrs after the seed, I started to bend my elbow a little too much, so AA here I came. It has been almost 7 yrs for me now. I don't go any longer, and after talking to my sponsor, I realized I am not an alcholic. I use my toolbox on a daily basis. As far as step one, we are powerless over a lot of things. Ya know, people, places, and things. I just need to always keep my side of the street clean, and let others do it on their own. Congrats Jimmy.
Julie
Oh how I remember that clean and sober feeling I first felt in the seed. I felt happy for the first time in a very long time. This may sound corny, but I could hear the birds sing, feel and enjoy the wind blowing in my hair, and seeing and feeling the wonders of God. I am very proud of you for being clean for 38 days. i can relate. After being clean and sober for 19 yrs after the seed, I started to bend my elbow a little too much, so AA here I came. It has been almost 7 yrs for me now. I don't go any longer, and after talking to my sponsor, I realized I am not an alcholic. I use my toolbox on a daily basis. As far as step one, we are powerless over a lot of things. Ya know, people, places, and things. I just need to always keep my side of the street clean, and let others do it on their own. Congrats Jimmy.
Julie
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The Seed Discussion Forum / I was going to write Dear Greg, but even titles seem it be m
« on: November 29, 2005, 09:20:00 AM »
Landyh,
Thanks for the comments. It was very many years when the guy truely apologized. I had called him and told him how he had f'd up my life. He cried, I cried, and I forgave him. Yes, I'm sure we were the only ones there, except for his sister who was also on staff knew. I have some fond memories of the seed. Especially the friends I made there and still have. I have been re-united with more form this site. The way I look at it, I took what I needed from the seed to continue on with my life, and let the rest go. Yes, I needed counseling, and still do. Yet so is life. I really enjoyed going over to the GUY'S house down near Bayfront Hosp.
I feel we all go through trials in our lives, and as long as we learn something from them- that is all that matters.
Take care,
Julie
Thanks for the comments. It was very many years when the guy truely apologized. I had called him and told him how he had f'd up my life. He cried, I cried, and I forgave him. Yes, I'm sure we were the only ones there, except for his sister who was also on staff knew. I have some fond memories of the seed. Especially the friends I made there and still have. I have been re-united with more form this site. The way I look at it, I took what I needed from the seed to continue on with my life, and let the rest go. Yes, I needed counseling, and still do. Yet so is life. I really enjoyed going over to the GUY'S house down near Bayfront Hosp.
I feel we all go through trials in our lives, and as long as we learn something from them- that is all that matters.
Take care,
Julie
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The Seed Discussion Forum / my friend was in the seed, and now he is dead, thread.
« on: October 24, 2005, 09:54:00 PM »
I just remembered Steve Cason. He was a graduate of St.Pete seed in 1973/4.
Passed away about 5 yrs ago or longer from a massive heart attack.
See ya in Heaven Steve! Love you,
Julie
Passed away about 5 yrs ago or longer from a massive heart attack.
See ya in Heaven Steve! Love you,
Julie
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The Seed Discussion Forum / Why Did YOU Stay Away?
« on: October 15, 2005, 06:18:00 PM »
In 1973 after I graduated I didn't stay away. Sure I quit going to the old timer meetings, because I was finding my self. I hung around with a lot of old timers, especially at the guy's house in St. Pete. I use to go to many gatherings that were held often at the Per....'s home in Tarpon Springs. That is where I met my husband. He was playing "Dust in the wind" on his guitar on the steps of the house, and I knew we were going to be married. I lived with Robin and some other girls in our own apt. A lot of us would go to the Collisium to ballroom dance. We had a great time there. We were the first couple to marry and have a child in 1976. A lot of seed kids went their own way, yet some of us still stayed in touch. Now with this forum, I have been able to be in contact with some of my friends whom I didn't know where they went. So again, I wouldn't say I stayed away. Maybe from the building, but not the friends I made and loved very dearly.
Julie
Julie
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The Seed Discussion Forum / my friend was in the seed, and now he is dead, thread.
« on: October 09, 2005, 11:27:00 AM »
There is also Mary Chapin, St.Pete seed grad, died flipping her car over and off the interstate. Alcohol involved. 1999
Dan Hubble died 1976 from self-inflicted gunshot to head. 1976
Bill Kennedy- , 1974- St.Pete seed grad. died 1976 form Hodgkins Disease
All were in the St.Pete seed 73, and graduated.
May they and others RIP.
Julie
Dan Hubble died 1976 from self-inflicted gunshot to head. 1976
Bill Kennedy- , 1974- St.Pete seed grad. died 1976 form Hodgkins Disease
All were in the St.Pete seed 73, and graduated.
May they and others RIP.
Julie
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The Seed Discussion Forum / I was going to write Dear Greg, but even titles seem it be m
« on: September 22, 2005, 11:09:00 PM »
Thanks Greg and Lauderdale. Bruce and Linda went into the Lauderdale seed and were transfered to St. Pete seed. They were staff by CHOICE. As you said Greg, both were really messed up themselves, Linda still as far as I know. I also agree they had no buisness being on staff. They came from one of the most dysfunctional family that I have ever seen. I have put this whole situation away to Anothers hands, and that is where it will stay. Yes, he was 15 yrs old and made a poor choice which obviously hurt me. It's in the past now, and I won't talk about it again. I appreciate the kind words. I was a wee tad afraid I'd get some smart a** comments. Yes!!! I guess I can be honest and share here. Thanks.
Julie
Julie
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The Seed Discussion Forum / I was going to write Dear Greg, but even titles seem it be m
« on: September 22, 2005, 10:06:00 AM »
Hey Greg, No you read that correctly. I was 14 yrs old and my best friend Linda who was staff in July of 73 has a brother Bruce who was also staff. He and 4 other guys gang raped me at their house. They were not staff there for long- too long for me. We did get together about 4 yrs ago, and I told him he F'd up my life. He started crying, as I was, and apologized. Then I could forgive him and put it away. It was a very healing experience for the both of us. But in the seed, having to see him every day was horrible. Especially when he came up to the clinic door and said,"I'm sorry". Not heartfelt at that. Thanks for asking. Ya know how they say "what goes around, comes around"? Bruce is the only one alive out of the five. I didn't wish them death. It was their choices to continue to do some pretty hard dope. God bless them.
Julie
Julie
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The Seed Discussion Forum / I was going to write Dear Greg, but even titles seem it be m
« on: September 21, 2005, 10:53:00 PM »
I was just thinking, and I don't ever remember seeing or talking to a doctor at the St Pete seed in 1973. I remember quite a lot about those times.
C-Ya
C-Ya
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The Seed Discussion Forum / I was going to write Dear Greg, but even titles seem it be m
« on: September 21, 2005, 10:47:00 PM »
John,
You already know how I feel about the seed. Yes, it was very hard for the 10 months I was in there, yet "I" feel it saved my life. I too have lost 18 old friends to overdoses, murder, suicides, and AIDS, but I am still living my life, and it is great. Yes, I had to go to therapy afterwards to deal with my anxiety and PTSD which I had before I went in, just amplified more. Fear triggered my PTSD. I was in fear the whole ten months. One thing I must disagree with is the court orders. My dad pulled one out of his pocket on the way to the seed, and yes John it was from Pinellas Circut Court. I had never been arrested, nor ever saw a judge. Mrs Peterman though knew all about me during intake. She went through my litany of a lot of what I had done, and threatend to call the police if I didn't sign the form. After tearing up two, and then chewing one up she picked up the phone and said she was calling St Pete police right then. I freaked and signed the paper. I know she knew things about me because my best friend and her brother(who raped me at 14yrs old) were staff there. Imagine being 17 and seeing the "boy" who raped me. The strip search made me feel I was being raped all over again. Total fear. He did apologize when I was in the clinic with Arthur, yet that made it worse for me. This was my experience. I don't know who the judge was, and my parents only remember going to the court house to pick it up. They do remember telling the judge, along with another adult what I was into. I also can tell you my old boyfriend came in to get me "out". During exercise we would be looking at each other, and were told to stop it. Most of my friends were across the street yelling my name and I was made to go inside and stay there for 2 wks. He ended up throwing a chair across the room, bolted for the door, and was tackled to the ground by 3 guards. Then it was "comedown time". Can't remember the male staff, but he asked if anyone knew him. All the girls around me started pointing their fingers at my head and I was told to come up to the front and "tell him where he was at". Oh yeah I yelled at him, yet at the same time I whispered I don't mean anything I am saying. Then he split that night. I know I don't need to tell you how I feel about you. You already now that. :smile: Thank you for writing again. I appreciate your input. Take care,
Julie
You already know how I feel about the seed. Yes, it was very hard for the 10 months I was in there, yet "I" feel it saved my life. I too have lost 18 old friends to overdoses, murder, suicides, and AIDS, but I am still living my life, and it is great. Yes, I had to go to therapy afterwards to deal with my anxiety and PTSD which I had before I went in, just amplified more. Fear triggered my PTSD. I was in fear the whole ten months. One thing I must disagree with is the court orders. My dad pulled one out of his pocket on the way to the seed, and yes John it was from Pinellas Circut Court. I had never been arrested, nor ever saw a judge. Mrs Peterman though knew all about me during intake. She went through my litany of a lot of what I had done, and threatend to call the police if I didn't sign the form. After tearing up two, and then chewing one up she picked up the phone and said she was calling St Pete police right then. I freaked and signed the paper. I know she knew things about me because my best friend and her brother(who raped me at 14yrs old) were staff there. Imagine being 17 and seeing the "boy" who raped me. The strip search made me feel I was being raped all over again. Total fear. He did apologize when I was in the clinic with Arthur, yet that made it worse for me. This was my experience. I don't know who the judge was, and my parents only remember going to the court house to pick it up. They do remember telling the judge, along with another adult what I was into. I also can tell you my old boyfriend came in to get me "out". During exercise we would be looking at each other, and were told to stop it. Most of my friends were across the street yelling my name and I was made to go inside and stay there for 2 wks. He ended up throwing a chair across the room, bolted for the door, and was tackled to the ground by 3 guards. Then it was "comedown time". Can't remember the male staff, but he asked if anyone knew him. All the girls around me started pointing their fingers at my head and I was told to come up to the front and "tell him where he was at". Oh yeah I yelled at him, yet at the same time I whispered I don't mean anything I am saying. Then he split that night. I know I don't need to tell you how I feel about you. You already now that. :smile: Thank you for writing again. I appreciate your input. Take care,
Julie
29
The Seed Discussion Forum / seed'70
« on: September 20, 2005, 11:35:00 AM »
Boy Greg does this bring back memories. When I finally went home, my parents got rid of every "druggie" thing in my bedroom. They threw away all my albums and 8 track tapes. I had all the Beatle albums. They found all of my diaries, my poster of Kenny Rogers, that he gave me and signed, and they found my book I had cut out, clued the pages together, and used to hide my dope. I remember feeling so violated and angry. An old friend of mine had some of my albums, and gave them to me after I got out of the seed. Oh yeah right! "druggie" music is going to lead me back to dope. What the heck was Art thinking. Unfortuatly, my parents were so naive they believed every thing that they were told. What a bunch of B.S. Thanks for the memories- Not.
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The Seed Discussion Forum / The Oxford Group
« on: September 16, 2005, 01:00:00 PM »
Clevland,
Thank you for sharing this. Many of what you said about Bill is not found anywhere in any AA books or literature. Of course not, right? We who have been in AA knew the success rate was very low. All you needed to do was to hang around 1 group for awhile. I left after 5 yrs. Many, many went back out.
Thanks again for the info.
Thank you for sharing this. Many of what you said about Bill is not found anywhere in any AA books or literature. Of course not, right? We who have been in AA knew the success rate was very low. All you needed to do was to hang around 1 group for awhile. I left after 5 yrs. Many, many went back out.
Thanks again for the info.