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« on: August 11, 2004, 12:43:00 AM »
I read a post the other day. IT has been buzzing around in my brain.
It suggested that a straight survivor might be unable to recognize the horror he/she experienced until a stressful and/or traumatic event occurs in the present that demands VITAL COPING MECHANISMS for survival.
When a Straight Survivor is unable to overcome trauma without reexperiencing more of it, that individual breaks down.
I find this true and fascinating.
I am ashamed to report that five years after abandoning Straight and the relationship I had developed with one of my counselors -(Glenn Steepleton) I entered into another cult. Wish fulfillment made it so I left (withdrew from the program) like I always wished i'd done in Straight. I did not leave until I'd endured a similar torture for almost a year. IT wasn't until the leaders told me I was going to die and the rest of the group was not allowed to speak to me that I made the Straight connection.
Four years after that, the confines of a high pressure graduate program at an ivy league school AGAIN promulgated overwhelming anxiety. I recognized I was participating in a milder version of Straight....a closed-minded community, full of judgement and insensititvity.
BOTH of these experiences emotionally ripped me up.
And I resorted to utilizing learned COPING MECHANISMS from Straight.
TheSE CopING MECHANISMS INCLUDe:
1.Create a relationship with an imbalance of power.
Either abuse the vulnerable or shut your mouth and
stomach the punishment of your appointed leader.
2.When afraid of abandonment, especially a particular loved one, scream at them. Criticizing can act as a great way of communication.
3. Trust nooNe. Everyone is secretly looking for you to do something wrong. And given the right moment, may do anything in their power to set you back.
4. Another great avenue to explore...Disrespect the safety, privacy and space of everyone close to you. Break boundaries with no awareness and then act stunned when others are annoyed.
5. Wonder why others don't LOVE you when they are not invasive, controlling or possessive. Then feel UnReasonably rageful when they do.
5.Doubt all intuition. Assume you are bad and any gut feelings are wrong and suspicious.
6.. Abandon self care. Focus on other people or stay removed from the world in your own self-contained windowless warehouse. This will ensure the crisis continues and proactive action to take real steps forward remains impossible.
7. When all else fails, since you have learned nothing else, cut in your arms and hope someone gives you the attention of a restraint.
As a teenager, staff acted as my PSEUDO -PARENTS.
The Coping MEcHanisms they taught guaranteed ALWAYS to increase my trauma. Occasionally the Coping mEchanisms created a pseudodrama serving to distract me from the original point of stress.
This didn't help either. It is a MIRACLE I am still alive.
Thanks to everyone for posting on this forum. I am new here but it is helping me to understand how fucked my head is because of teenage trauma. It makes me feel understood and less alone.
If you relate to employing any of these coping mechanisms, please let me know.
Elizabeth H.
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