Fornits

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An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

In my opinion there isnt necessarily any room for reform with restraints in institutional programs, but rather clarification and ideally eradication of any physical restraint that may cause pain or harm to a patient. Specifically "restraint" is a bit of a convoluted phrase, because from an outsiders respective the word represents an action taken to prevent violence, when on the contrary in our experience (mostly in the TTI) restraint is in fact a violent act in and of itself.

There is always more room to set new rules and regulations about how staff members should and should not "restrain" a child but if there isnt specific clairification that certain techniques can't even be classified as a restraint, and that the actions that have become accepted are already illegal, immoral and unjust, then people will continue to make excuses to resort to the more violent form of restraint. HOWEVER, considering how ingrained violence is into our society, the only way this will ever change is if these more violent forms of restraint are outlawed and specific regulations are set for ALL situations where restraint is currently used, including in law enforcement.

I know there are certain times when a patient would require an intervention before they physically harm themselves or others, but there are non violent techniques that are not only effective but in my experience seem to defuse the situation long before anyone ends up getting hurt... like for instance the "Bear Hug" and the arm bind, where the staff will put their arms between the patients elbows behind their back, these are what I would consider a "restraint". However when a grown man would tackle a young man or woman, hog tie them and sit on top of them all the while applying extreme pressure to the airways, spine and battering to the head and face, this can ONLY be classified as TORTURE techniques and shouldn't even be considered an accepted form of restraint.

Torture needs to be OUTLAWED, not reformed.

nine.

well my best advice is to just take life as it comes, do your best and always make it a point to learn from your mistakes. As far as it goes for your son, he's got a whole lifetime of lessons ahead of him, believe me he WILL do things he regrets but he too needs to just keep in mind the point of having these experiences is comprehending the life lessons that comes with them, learning from his mistakes and evolving his sense of self.

I can't tell you how to parent your child but I can tell you how to look at the bigger picture here. There is no quick fix, hell I don't even think there is a long term fix but I do know that in time and with more experiences we all learn how to survive. He may be doing stupid stuff now, but in 5 years he'll look back and realize that he was being young and dumb and that in and of itself is the reason he went through these things in the first place, so he would be able to come to that conclusion.

I'll be the first to tell you raising a teenager is no easy gig, especially a teenager with special needs or behavior issues, there is no mathematical solution to make kids behave if they don't want to, but you can't just give up on them either. As much as you'd like to think that your family will live happily ever after, sometimes there's just nothing you can do. He's gonna have to face the world sooner or later and hes gonna have to do that on his own.

let me give you an example. When I got back from the program I was hellbent on making up for lost time, I smoked, I drank, I stayed out well into the wee morning hours... all the while I had a scholarship and 2 grants to go to the art school of my dreams... Because of my partying my mom decided that she didn't want to help me with the rest of my tuition and she locked me out of the house if I came home after 11pm. In my mind I was just having fun but in her's I was wasting my future. Thus became my time being homeless. I can't tell you what she did was the right thing to do, I still wish I could have spent that time of my life in college especially after missing high school entirely due to my stint in the program, but I'll tell you what, that year I spent on my own I learned more about myself then I ever would have being sheltered from the big bad world. There's no lesson like a real life lesson and I now know that real life is the ultimate tough love.  Yes she eventually came back around, helped me get my own apartment and gave me a job in her company, she didn't just abandon me, I honestly feel like she simply gave me the freedom I always wanted and I just had to see for myself what that really meant. Today my mom and I have a good relationship, we got past the past, (we definitely don't throw it in each others faces) and we both respect each other more and more as time goes on.

I'm not telling you this will work for your child, I don't know him/her and I don't know you. but what I do know is how your son must be feeling. I can tell you he probably feels trapped, maybe that you are unfair or making the wrong judgment call for his life and he wants to control his own destiny. He might not trust you or anyone for that matter and feels alienated, different and a little bit hopeless. Which of course makes him angry, and as these feelings compile he probably gets overwhelmed, that's when he chooses to act out, usually to blow off steam or just escape his emotions but mostly just to do what he wants to do because that is the only way he can feel he is in control of his own life.

I'm no expert, but I've seen it time and time again, when kids make bad decisions they usually do it because they are pissed off or unhappy about something they can't control. If the root of the problem is that they want some control of their lives you should try to simulate that for them by always giving them a choice. say, okay son, you have 2 choices here, you can do drugs and destroy your life or you can wake the fuck up and do what you really want to do with your life. Inspiring them to do what they enjoy doing is the best way to do something like this... you can say, son, you can either sit around and smoke pot all day or you can practice (insert sport or activity here) until your the best in the school, you can't have both. Life is about choices and if you want all the nice things and want to go out and have fun and enjoy yourself you have to acquire skills to provide theses means... you surely can't live off your parents forever so you need to focus on what you want to do with your life and who you want to be. Do you really want to be a junkie when you grow up? The choice is entirely yours.

He needs to decide for himself, and for his future what HE wants, whats important to him and that's the reason he will CHOOSE not to throw his life away. Once he has his goals and aspirations in site, all these other bumps in the road are just what he needs to learn to get there. Have some faith, I believe everything happens for a reason and if your kid is smart, he'll figure this out, it is his life after all, he needs to.

I know I'm way behind on this argument, but may I interject this theory...

I believe addiction is simply a symptom of a combination of pre- existing disorders and self-harming decision making... yet you can go your whole life without even trying drugs and still be an addict. We've all heard of the "addictive personality" well why haven't they come up with a disorder to correctly categorize this behavior pattern? Furthermore why is there no psychological or medical treatment for such a disorder?

Instead the accepted theory is that addiction to just about anything under the sun is a disease?... I'm sorry but that simply makes no logical sense. The only reason this assumption came to be is because sympathetic doctors wanted addiction to be considered a medically treatable affliction, that does not mean that it meets any of the requirements to be categorized as a disease.

Yet people are led to believe that something as serious as a disease can be managed by weekly group meetings? I don't understand how this misconception has become so widely accepted, and furthermore pushed into mainstream by our judicial system, its almost like people actually prefer to be ignorant.

This woman who the press so lovingly coins a "crack head" was definitely on her way down a slippery slope, and her arrest did throw a wrench in that progress but does that prove that the methods of addiction treatment is successful? Where is she today and has she really abstained from drugs? or has she relapsed and is now deadinsaneorinjail? My guesstimate is that she is probably smoking a doob right now... and that she did relapse as most do and only after did she start to re-teach herself moderation and responsible usage.

I really think there is a way to successfully TREAT addiction problems but from experience I've come to believe that the way of AA/NA has just got it all wrong... unfortunately no one has really come up with a competing theory/ practice because of the state of our countries no tolerance polices fueled by the "war on drugs". I'm really hoping we as a society are willing to shed the shadow of our previous generations misconceptions and start enacting new and more effective policies. Unfortunately there are many many people who bullheadedly choose to live in the dark and make life as miserable as possible for everyone around them...

so thanks a lot sarah palin.

Believe it or not, vodka and cherry 7-up is pretty good. Like a shirley temple with her cherry popped.

funny you say so because this is a lot like my signature drink

try kettle one citron (or absolute but NEVER shmmeernoff!!) sprite and a dash of grenadine.

I call it a shirtless temple (ya see what I did ther, I made a funny)

CALO makes it a point to allow teens to "choose" not to have contact and engage their parents.

CALO therapists have made statements that they cannot "MAKE" the children do therapy and talk to their parents.  They will actively deny the parents the right to speak to their own children.  Last time I checked, the parents have every right to speak to their child in most every state of this union.  

Restricted contact between children and their parents is common in the Troubled Teen Industry, most times because the program needs a trained salesman in the clients ear to reassure that they are getting the service they are paying for. Therapy between the parents and children is also monitored in order to prevent the child from saying anything negative about the program, which is often referred to as "manipulation"... In any other therapy center this kind of practice would be highly frowned upon. I'm still surprised that program parents fall for this, and more so don't make some noise about these harmful policies. but honestly, sometimes the parents want their children out of their lives so badly that they will ignore all the signs. Ignorance may be bliss but it can ruin your child's life... so wake the eff up.

RAD kids are professional manipulators and liars and CALO encourages the kids to be in control in these circumstances.  This just adds to the problems.

Wait wait wait, let me get this straight, children who have attachment issues are automatically professional manipulators? How is that conducive to repairing a strained relationship if you judge everything they say as some grand scheme?... Do you even want a relationship with this kid or is this more about your own issues and emotional voids? I'm sorry to break it to you but not every kid is required to love their parents and in many cases that's completely justified. You can't force your child to love and trust you, especially when you use tactics of tough love, excessive punishment and especially sending them off to a program. I don't understand the theory that program parents have that sending their child away could possibly improve their relationship, I have only seen it solidify the mistrust and in some cases HATE that kids come to harbor for their parents.

CALO does not hold kids accountable, they take the "punishment" out of relationships...what ever that means.

I don't mean to be attacking you CG, in fact I hate when people come on Fornits to attack parents, but what I just can't understand is why you could possibly be pissed off with a program because they aren't doling out enough punishment?... that is like the ultimate oxy moron... Do you even know what goes on day to day in a program like CALO? These kids are systematically punished every minute of the day, not to mention the fact you exiled them there in the first place, and its for some reason a surprise that they don't really feel like talking to you?... I'm sorry but that just makes no sense.

I support your vigor to go after CALO but GEBUS lady get a grip!! your practically a walking contradiction. I suggest you do some more research on the Troubled Teen Industry as a whole before you come onto Fornits hoping we will side with you on an issue like this, I'm sorry to say but you have got yourself ass backwards. Like I said, you have every right to be concerned about CALO, but its not because they are enabling your child's behavior, if anything, they are enabling abusive behavior toward your child and that is what should be of concern. Your child is not your enemy, stop thinking like he is and for the love of god try to protect him.

Just remember, and this is true for all program parents, the program can only hurt your child if you let them, if your bigoted enough to fall for their tough love marketing scheme and ignorant enough to keep believing their lies despite all the information available for you to see the truth, then you deserve for your kid not to love you.

quoted for epic truth[/color]"]Sounds like the only thing a "reactive attachment disorder" kid does is treat you with exactly as much respect as you deserve.

Not to mention the deterioration of WWASP, which includes a series of closings and charges brought against certain employees.

I must say SOMEONE is doing something right, it may not have been a survivor group or fornits directly but our existence is the reason these issues have come to light.

I commend everyone who has had the courage to stand up and question the inhumane treatment in this industry. Those who have challenged our government policies and created awareness websites and brought forth lawsuits have paved the way for the progress we have seen, and much more to come.

You all should be proud, and pay no mind to the trolls, their existence only solidifies that your doing something right!

 :cheers: