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Messages - velvet2000

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News Items / Narrowly Escaped, but not the 12 Steps
« on: December 03, 2004, 10:35:00 PM »
I was denied access to a lawyer or any other outside help. I was not court ordered or given any form of trial. I was denied access to mail, email, or telephone and had no way of accessing any outside help. I was not allowed to physically leave the building, and those who tried to walk out of the building or host homes were physically restrained (usually by having everyone present sit on the person). I was subjected to cruel and unusual punishment. Such acts of this punishment would be:

Being kept isolated from society and loved ones.
Denial of ability to continue education or work.
Denial of efficient sunlight and exercise.
Denial of proper movement (being forced to sit in only one position with feet flat on the floor and hands straight down aside, unable to move at all)
Being denied water.
Being denied to speak of my religious beliefs, attend religious functions, or read material about my own religion.
Being forced to stand in one place for an extended time period.
Being denied access to doctors while suffering serious illnesses.
Suffering verbal degradation and hostility.
Being denied proper clothing to keep warm outdoors and inside unheated area's of the building.
Denial of time alone, even under supervision.
Being forced to partake in regressional therapy for extended periods of time.
Forcibly being subjected to graphic discussion of sexual abuse, rape, prostitution etc, and being forced to partake in this discussion (as a child).  

I list these things because they disobey basic human rights, however they are certainly not the worst things that I witnessed or experienced in AARC.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / i feel like im going crazy
« on: November 25, 2004, 05:25:00 PM »
Good to see you respond.

If you are not an addict or alcoholic (like I said before, I don't know you so I won't make any judgements) then what will probably happen with your life is this scenario: As the years go by and you adjust to "normal" society again you'll shed all of the things that AARC taught you. You won't feel like an outsider looking in all the time. You won't feel passionate about sobriety OR alcoholism, because neither of those things apply to you. If your family understands that AARC is not benefiting you and you have moved on in your life from it, then they will over time also forget about AARC's ways, especially after they see you consecuitively thriving without it. There will inevitably be a time period however where they worry that you are not spending enough time with AARC people or at meetings etc. That's when you need to show them the non AARC people who are strength in your life, and the positive ways that you are spending your time.

In the meantime you are very much in recovery, because you're deffinately recovering from a traumatic event. Fill your apartment with the things and people who make you happy. Do you feel overwhelmed easily? If you're still dealing with depression then you probably do. Most of us do after AARC. AARC people handle this by constantly "spilling". Others can go off the deepend without help. If you need to take baby steps, take baby steps. Cut out anything that is unecessary stress.

I'd just like to say something that I was thinking about recently. When I was in AARC I spent a lot of time during raps, or before falling asleep at night, thinking about all of the wonderful things I would be doing if I weren't there. A lot of those fantasies were simply waking up in my own apartment and enjoying coffee while looking out the window, or sleeping in, or anything that involved having time to NOT be rushed and just enjoy the moment. The other night I was front row at a concert for a band who's CD was not AARC approved and taken away from me until graduation (it diddn't have drug refferences, they'd just never heard of the band. I cried to a peer about it at the .... aww!). I thought at the time about how great it was that lately I've been able to enjoy all of the things I dreamed about back then. For a while I lost all of those little things that I loved to do. So my question to you and every other AARC survivor, are you taking advantage of your freedom? Do you remember how wonderful it is to have it, like the way you felt the day after you graduated when you slept in and called all of your friends?

News Items / Velvet
« on: November 08, 2004, 02:03:00 AM »
I'm sorry but I let go of my account which had everyone's emails saved to. Does Ginger have it?

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / AARC
« on: November 04, 2004, 01:44:00 AM »
Hi Mike. You got away? good for you!

In some literature about cult recovery they discuss why PTSD kicks in in cults. The kicker is that conventional therapy uses regressiosional therapy to recover from PTSD, but in places like AARC regressional therapy is what causes the PTSD! Either way - learning about PTSD was helpful for me.

I'm sorry that you are waking in the night because of it. You can vent here if it helps.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / i feel like im going crazy
« on: November 04, 2004, 01:35:00 AM »
Anonymous - Thank you for posting. I'd like to say that for someone who is going crazy, your post is very sensible and diplomatic. I'd also like to say that I have no idea if you are an addict or an alcoholic, or could be, or was. You're the only person here who knows that, so what you chose to put in your body is up to you.

Even though you may have only dabbled in a way that may not have caused you harm, you're now realistically living with a secret that would most likely change the way that most people in your life feel about you. You've done something that you've just spent a long time learning is the ultimate evil. Why wouldn't you feel crazy?

It's a horrible thought that you should loose your parents because of this. I think that Antigen's advice to you is valuable for this subject. Can you tell your parents that adjusting back to life outside of AARC is hard and you need them to stay connected with you?

As for feeling like a bore, that something is missing, having no social skills.... I can completely understand this and have spent many years trying to fully overcome it. When you said that something was missing, it took me a long time to understand that the hardest part about overcoming AARC for me was regaining the passion for life again, along with regaining my strength in never caring what people had thought about me, and always having faith that what was in my heart was the right thing. That had been taken and felt impossible to rebuild.

In AARC I was taught that anger is a defect. Lust is a defect. To disagree, question, or debate is "fighting". To day dream, be creative, or relax was an "escape mechanism". Also almost everything I'd enjoyed was no longer allowed incase I have too much fun and then am "escaping". Connecting was "cliquing". We were only allowed to feel "hurt", "powerless", or "serene". That doesn't leave a lot of the human brain left, does it? Something feels missing? Maybe it's the rest of you.

It also took a while to learn how to have silence, when anything other than being in raps, 1 on 1's, or on a feild trip was "in your head". And learning how to deal with feelings without having to call someone up and "spill" to them  can be a rough hurdle. Spilling and confessing all the time made it hard for me to understand when it was okay for me just to handle something on my own, rationally.

As for social skills... They'll come. My first 2 tips if you haven't learned them already: STOP HUGGING! And when someone asks you how you are today, all that they want to here is "Fine. Yourself?"

I know that you are probably sick of the idea of therapists, but what if you found someone who understood what you went through? Most therapists/psychologists will. If I didn't have someone there to talk to when I got out, I don't know what I would have done. My friends were overwhelmed when I tried to explain it to them. They were overwhelmed already by how much I'd changed, they didn't understand any of it. I needed to talk about everything that had happened and that was happening then to someone who could keep my confidentiality and remind me of what "normal" was. If you can't find free services, I'm sure that your family would pay for therapy if you told them that you needed some non aarc support.

I'm sorry this is a really long post! I hope that some of it is useful. Sadly, there are so many graduates feeling the same as you, probably located near you. You're not alone. There are also many graduates who have overcome it. On that note, the fact is that whether you had used or not, if you drifted away from AARC someone would start a rumor about you using so that nobody else would continue to assocaite with an outsider.

News Items / screw whoever made the voicelesness post
« on: October 31, 2004, 02:05:00 PM »
I hate to break it to you, but if Hamilton was chasing ambulances he would have cought one by now. Not exactly a shortage on people who think AARC should and can be sued.

Sweet Girl; I don't mean to take away your venting, but you did say what you wanted to say, and your post is still there. I know that your angry and want to tell that to the AARC people, but as far as I'm concerned they aren't worth it. If they have space here to keep talking RAP talk, then isn't this board just an AARC board? Who the hell needs more RAP's?

Who granted AARC legal permission to obtain you against your will for 14 months? I know AARC tell's you their version of what their right is, but have you talked to someone about this?

News Items / screw whoever made the voicelesness post
« on: October 31, 2004, 01:32:00 AM »
Sweet Girl, I'm not sure you understood the content correctly. The original post you responded to was deleted, leaving yours there. I renamed the subject "voicelessness" because that person had just lost their voice. You kept yours.

The purpose of this forum is not to debate the benefits of AARC, Rehabs, addiction, or religion. It's not to be hostile or to carry on AARC/like anger. It's to support people who have left it.

News Items / Just Felt Like It!
« on: October 30, 2004, 01:20:00 AM »
Looks like there's a lot of AARC staff posts! If things look a little different it's because I changed a couple of titles and deleted a few posts. Nothing important or anything that changes the converstation, just the usual staff posts. No messages were edited, with the exception of one which explains that it was a reply to a deleted post. Don't want them thinking if I let this thing go they'll have a voice here!

Have a great Halloween weekend everyone! Bundle your kids up and take them door to door, none of that mall trick or treating crap!

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Crazy before AARC or because of AARC???
« on: October 30, 2004, 01:04:00 AM »
"sweet girl with a  bad attitude", that's something that they said to you, isn't it?

I'm so sorry that you had to spend 14 months of your youth in there. That's such a long time to take out of somebody's life. I hope you have supportive people around you now.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Crazy before AARC or because of AARC???
« on: October 16, 2004, 12:11:00 PM »
This is a great thread. Welcome to the board.

News Items / If you like posts by hostile people, you'll love this guy!
« on: October 16, 2004, 12:09:00 PM »
I'd just like to remind everyone that the purpose of this board is to support survivors of AARC and similar facilities, and to educate about AARC and cult recovery.

News Items / AARC Dream
« on: September 23, 2004, 10:59:00 PM »
Was the last post not anonymous?

Imagine how hard it would be to recover your life after having been in an iscolated lifestyle like AARC for a decade. Even after a short time period in AARC you forget how to speak like a normal person, and certainly how to live like a normal person. I remember after graduating feeling panicky when I had time to relax, because in all that time I'd never been allowed one moment of peace. On top of that you've been taught that almost everything is sick or unhealthy, and therefore everyone you meet you see "sick" behaviors in, and you can't make friends with them even if they are able to look past your strange lifestyle. If your career was AARC that would throw in many other factors.

I would love to see all of the former clients who are now staff be liberated and step back out into the real world. In her case I'd settle to see her regain her health.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / AARC
« on: August 06, 2004, 06:28:00 PM »
Usually each person has an individual IP address (which yes, us hosts can see but you can't). The cable company servicing most people from Alberta who post here in lamens terms, hands out group IP's. Jessica M happens to be sharing an IP with AARCGrad. However if needed we can always still find out the exact personal IP and find out who is who with help from the cable company, which has been pretty helpful.  

Her point I believe was to out someone posting under various identities, (not so much their names, but their different stances on the issues). However in this case it's a little different and the identities are legit.

News Items / Narconon
« on: July 25, 2004, 12:41:00 AM »
Amen Greg!

News Items / AARC Dream
« on: July 06, 2004, 01:18:00 AM »
I had a dream last night including AARC. I was driving, and a white SUV swirved out of it's lane and I couldn't get out of the way in time. After he hit me we got out of our cars and talked. It turned out that they were AARC staff and had to get back to the center. I told them I was a graduate and went back there with them while waiting for someone to drive me home. The center was a huge palace, but still just as cold and dull inside. Everyone including Dean invited me in and we sat at a large dining room table talking as if it were my first time talking to them since grad and they were happy to have me back. I asked them all about what they've been doing. The male staff were all quite wired and crazy. They went on angry tangents. The women, (all of which were girls I knew and who are still a part of AARC to this day in real life) were very quiet. They all looked exactly the same except older and heavier. They were dressed just as plain and had the same hair styles and colors. I felt very sad for all of them and didn't want to tell them about all the things I'd done since I'd left in order to not make them feel bad. So I stood up and said goodbye to all of them, and asked Jen (C? I forget her last name. She's been there practically from the very beginning) to walk me to the door. At the door I put my hand on her shoulder and looked at her wearing the same glasses and all and I said "There's a whole life out there. Don't be afriad to go live it". I didn't want to encourage her to leave AARC because I knew that she never would, but I hoped she would be inspired to do at least some things that required thinking outside or AARC's box.

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