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Messages - Jimmy Cusick

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The Seed Discussion Forum / Happy Holidays
« on: December 17, 2004, 06:49:00 AM »
Good Lord, its 6:30 in the morning , I found myself sitting on the couch staring at the christmas tree singing jingle belle's thinking about the seed. What has my life come to ?  Just kidding, all is well. My wife still loves me, my children are healthy, I'm clean and sober 31 days. It doesnt get any better. As Robin said thank you for this forum.

Merry Christmas and Happy new year!!!

Peace and Love,

The Seed Discussion Forum / Finding Forgiveness
« on: December 15, 2004, 08:00:00 AM »
When I discovered this Forum 6 months ago my anger and hatred towards the seed expanded into rage. I wished Art Barker were dead, I thought most of the staff should be castrated or vivisectioned and the rich little spoiled kids that recieved special treatment should become heroin addicts living on the streets.

I was angry that I had been sent to the seed in Southern Florida for 12 hours a day, we ate peanut butter and jelly and bologna sandwiches, we sat in hard chairs in swealtering heat and had security at all the doors. We were constantly yelled at when we were newcomers, I had to start over as a newcomer and sit in the front row again for having a "bad attitude" towards my mother. Art Barker would come downstairs and talk to us, he would smile with his little cigarette holder and do the soft shoe shuffle dance, he was constantly surrounded by a "harem" of good looking well built girls. Robert Chun (black) drove Art around in a maroon limo. The list of incidents that angered me goes on and on but thats not what this post is about.

This post is about FORGIVENESS. Initially I grieved my teenage years much like a death in the family, I had lost something that I could never regain. Secondly I ACCEPTED Art and the staff for what and who they were. They did the very best that they could with what resources they had at the time, that suggests that I had unrealistic expectations for many years. Finally I FORGAVE. I was able to see that my parents sent me to the seed because they thought I had a serious drug problem. The seed actually really helped me change my attitude and develop a much brighter outlook on life. My heart softened and I embraced the countless good memories that I have of the seed. I am choosing to look on the positive side of my seedling experience and I suspect the seed was right all along when they talked about LOVE

The Seed Discussion Forum / Post Seed Relationships
« on: December 15, 2004, 07:09:00 AM »
I must say that Art Barker had very good taste in Women, He chose nothing but the finest as staff members. Sex was put on the shelf for the entire time I was in the seed. We never talked about it. Its true that I fantasized about alot of girls and masturbated in the shower but I was in fact trying to "clean" up my thinking and behavior at the insistence of the seed staff. Seedlings were supposed to have high morals and ideals, actually close to perfection.

I do wish I would have been more sexually active in my teen-age years but to look on the bright side I put my energy into being more productive in other area's.

The Seed Discussion Forum / Post Seed Relationships
« on: December 14, 2004, 06:14:00 PM »
Sex and the Seed, this should be a very short posting. Ha-ha-ha. I was 15 when I went in the Seed and 18 when I lost my virginity so that tells you how my romantic life went during my involvment with the seed. I was good friends with my left hand.

     When I was seventeen I was a seed graduate involved in the Cleveland Seed(1976). At that point I had not dated a girl because it was shunned by literally everyone involved, especially staff members. My senior prom was coming up and I asked Maryanne ------(a seed graduate) to go, she accepted and I looked forward to the dance. She approached me within a month and told me she was pregnant with a child from Steve -----(a seed graduate)and the 2 of them were getting married with Suzy Conners permission. She then told me that she was looking forward to going to the prom with me and I freaked. So the prom night I was so looking forward to became a friendly get together and as you might imagine sex was out of the picture. I remained close friends with Steve and Maryanne until my Marine corps days. When I was home on leave once I spent time "Hangin out" with Maryanne while Steve was at work, we went to the zoo with her daughter and spent quality seed time together. Just like the first 2 years in the seed, I talked to girls and never thought of having sex, so it was with my time with Maryanne. When I left for 3 years in Hawaii I said my Good-byes to both of them and missed them my whole time in the military. When I returned in 1980 I tried to track them down, I eventually went to the "Winton Place " where maryanne's parents lived and lo and behold she answered the door. She told me face to face that something had happened between me and her and Steve and she didnt want to talk about it nor did she think we should see each other. I was flabbergasted and didnt say a word except goodbye. I later found out by Lee --------- (another girl graduate) that Steve was extremely jealous and beat her on occassions. That contributed to the destruction of having close friends from the seed. What started out as a really cool friendship turned into a disaster

     I didnt plan on writing about that when I started but I guess it was "supposed to" happen. I havent thought about those events in many years so I'm glad I vented them

Take your best shot Greg.  I recommend that you allow your fellow seedlings to post as we see fit. Unless of course this is only an anger/rage forum. As a seed graduate (14 months, 17 days) and 3 years in the marines I have decided to lay down my sword of hatred. The seed has a special place in my heart. I was a very typical seedling so many kids had very similiar experiences and survived to tell their stories.

     Remember the half a glass of water, it can be half-empty or it can be half full. Our 30 year old memories are mystical in nature, they provide us with snap-shots of our choosing. Today I choose the positive to survive and live another day

Hi fellow seedlings,
     Remember that song. Wow , what memories. We sang about Love and Peace and Jingle bell's until our throats were sore. I am writing to convey my transformation to any seedling that cares to know. I've been reading this forum for about 6 months when I came on board I wrote from anger and rage towards the seed and the staff and Art Barker. I put down particular staff members and blamed the seed for my downfall in life. I considered the brainwashing that we all experienced extremely negative with long lasting affects. I blamed my parents for sending me to the Florida seed in the first place.

     After 6 months of thinking and feeling about the seed and my experience there I have a warm heart when I consider what realistically took place 30 years ago. I remember sitting on the front row hating everything and everybody for no particular reason but I must have been comical until Robert Chun(black staff member) cut my hair off.

     It is important that I have remembered my mental state of mind prior to coming to the seed. I was a sophmore in High School, I wasnt a jock, I wasnt a nurd, I tried to be a freak but I wasnt popular and didnt really fit in with them either. I was a loner. My father was an alcoholic and the family lived in perpetual chaos. I became extremely depressed and ran away from home during which time I was molested by an adult. Upon returning home my parents put me in a psychiatric ward suspecting a drug problem. They contacted a catholic charities in Cleveland and discovered other parents whose kids were sent to the Seed and off I went. In truth I had only experimented with drugs because I felt so unwanted and unlikeable I enjoyed killing the emotional pain.

     Back at the Florida Seed in the summer of 1974 I was taught about Love and Honesty. The sign on the wall that said "Your not alone anymore" meant alot to me. I was now a small part of a large group that was pretty cool. I remember thinking that Libby was just about the coolest person that ever lived. I followed directions and pursued some rather lofty ideals, some of the standards we discussed bordered on perfectionism. Over a period of months my attitude did a 180 and suddenly I was getting A's and B's in school where I had been getting D's and F's.   The seed rap leaders called our parents assholes but I learned to treat my parents with respect. I sought honesty both internal and external as we discussed that topic soooooooo many times in rap sessions. I started to like myself because I looked inside and discovered God's creation on the verge of blossoming. In the summer of 75 I lived with the Lee family, Jim and Bert and Walter, we spent countless hours on the ocean or innercoastal fishing and snorkeling and water skiing. Those were the best days of my life.

     I forgive the seed for what it did or might have unknowingly did to me. The "mind control" the "brainwashing", the hard chairs for hours and hours, the peanut butter and jelly and bologna sandwiches, the watered down kool-aid, and the fact that I never became part of the "inner circle". These were all components of a bigger picture that were neccessary and in fact required to change the "attitude" of a 16 year old lost kid in 1974

     The seed succeeded in pulling me "out of my head" as we all used to say. A spiritual transformation took place, a metamorphosis if you will. I changed internally as my behavior expanded my outlook on the purpose of life. I lived a very positive, Upbeat, honest life for almost 5 years and then I gave into the alcohol and drugs and have stayed there for 25 years. I very recently went through a rehabilitation center and I am going back in time to remember how I was able to make that incredible "change" that occured at the seed. Time will tell.

     The whole point of my blabbering is to let everyone know that the seed has a very special place in my heart. If those reading this are still full of anger from their experiences, please remember that we live in an unperfect world and the seed did the best they could with what they had.

                           Peace and Love

The Seed Discussion Forum / Dicussions with parents about seed experiences
« on: December 10, 2004, 02:51:00 PM »
Hi stripe, im very glad that you found this forum, isnt it about time that someone created this? I thank them as this has opened some doors for me.

I am from the Cleveland area and was sent to the Ft. Lauderdale seed July 1st, 1974. A lot of parents in the suburbs were sending their kids to the seed because they were afraid of drugs and newspaper headlines claiming crimes and suicides were the result of smoking pot and dropping L.S.D. Actually the catholic church steered my parents toward other parents in Cleveland who's kids had been sent down. I was on a southbound airplane faster than you can imagine.

In response to your seeking other seedlings to share their experience I must tell you that this forum is one of the best things that ever happened to me because I was a very upset, pissed-off, resentful seedling graduate for 30 years. In a few short months my attitude has made a transformation. I wont get into that at your request

My parents did the best thing in those days. They thought I had a drug problem and in truth I didnt, I was experimenting with pot and L.S.D. a few times and got caught. They put the family in financial jeapordy by flying me to Florida and my Mom came down and lived in a trailer for 2 months, I honestly dont know how much the seed charged per kid but I do know my parents had to borrow money to pay for it.

Over the years I told my parents about some of the downfalls in the seed.  In the rap sessions they told us that our parents were stupid assholes and didnt know anything. Unfortunatly I bought into that and believed it until years later

4 years ago my Mom was dying (Age 70)and we talked about the seed. I deeply regret that because now she is gone and I cant thank her for doing the best that she and my dad could at that time. I told her that I hated all the staff, that we sat in hard chairs 12 hours a day, that we ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches 3 times a day, and that we were brainwashed and they eventually came to believe that there were problems with the seed.

I suggest you take some time being exposed to this forum. If you have to vent anger and rage towards the seed pick a spouse or friend or therapist but dont choose your elderly parents. IT WASNT THEIR FAULT.

I hope you come to the terms of what happened to you at the seed and how that has affected who you are today. I have found both negative and positive, the choice is yours depending on your desire to find inner peace.

                              Jimmy    ::boohoo::

The Seed Discussion Forum / Home from rehab 30 years after the seed
« on: December 10, 2004, 09:37:00 AM »
That is a cool memory. When I lived at Hanks house there was "The girls " house behind their house. We had a screened in pool and went swimming everynight. Do you remember the building on the other side of the yard? It was white and called "Rapid Rater" That was Hanks fathers business and we used to go in at night and emptied garbage cans,,,,,,,imagine that you were there to.

 bad  memory........... In 1981, I called John G*** and Scott to see if they could help me, they told me to call the seed, ::armed::  I called the Florida Seed to talk to Libby, Hank answered the phone after I asked to speak to a staff member and I asked for Libby (my favorite), Hank told me that "this isnt selective choose a staff, what do you want". I was really hurt because at one time Hank and I were close friends and he had become a "Parrot". I was having trouble with alcohol and drugs and in trouble with a motorcycle club but I hung up the phone and never called again.

The Seed Discussion Forum / Cultic Mind control. Am i a victim?
« on: December 10, 2004, 09:15:00 AM »
I am not familiar with your school so I cant reply to your question regarding abuse and mind control. In my case I was in the Seed in Ft. Lauderdale in 74,75 and experienced mind control and brainwashing. Brainwashing is nothing more than repetitive idea's repeated over and over and over until they become a part of our thinking cycle. Mind control was the staffs ability to "direct our behavior and thoughts towards their beliefs and standards(developed by Art Barker)(stolen from A.A.). The rap sessions, the homes we stayed, our rides to the seed, all centered around anti-drug phenomenom and the straight seedling was thought of as totally honest and neared perfection.

There was some mind-fucking that went on at the seed because you had to say the right (acceptable) words to fit in and be liked, (everybody wants to be liked)To the best of my knowledge there was never any physical or sexual abuse.

Again, in my case the seed was very helpful because prior to my appearance there I was suicidal and my attitude was patheticly poor, I was flunking out of school and doing any drugs (not a lot) I could get my hands on. The seed gave me hope about living life, My grades in school jumped to A's and B's. I made good friends and my outlook on life improved tremendously. I owe many staff members, Libby, Suzy Conners, Suzy Barker, Patty, Ann, Robert Chun, Cliff, John Underwood, Pam, Hope, Terri, Rick Pertain, John, Billy the dwarf, Darlene, and many more a sincere thank you for putting up with me until my attitude developed into what was acceptable

So take a look at your own experience and your heart will tell you if you suffered any abuse. You may have experienced mind control but please realize that we experince that every time we sit in front of our T.V. and watch advertisements, or punch our time clocks at work

Good Luck to you

The Seed Discussion Forum / Home from rehab 30 years after the seed
« on: December 10, 2004, 08:41:00 AM »
I was in Ft. Lauderdale from July 1st, 1974 to August 17th, 1975, I lived with the *** family they had 2 kids in the program, Jim and Bert, they lived on a canal and had 4 boats. We spent lots of time fishing and water skiing, that was the highlight of my seed experience. I also lived with "Hank" who later became a staff member, His house was on Coolidge drive in Hollywood,Florida, I remember that like it was yesterday.

I went to my junior year at South Plantation high school and I also remember the race riots. The blacks really hated the whites for enslaving their grandparents but I stayed out of the whole thing because I didnt talk to anybody. A seedling friend of mine by the name of Mark Barton(he was from Kentucky) got punched in the face and Libby made a big deal of him being a hero for not fighting back, I always thought he was a "Pussy" for not fighting the blacks

 I graduated the night we left Ft. Lauderdale for Cleveland and stayed involved until I went in the Marines on February 28, 1977.  If you tell me your name it would be a big help. Remember Sue Liberatore? The good looking blonde from Bay Village who's dad was a racketeer and he got involved with Art Barker. Sue Died in a car crash while she was snorting cocaine(honest)

The Seed Discussion Forum / Love and Acceptance in the Seed
« on: December 05, 2004, 12:40:00 PM »
Hi fellow seedlings,

     I have been looking at the bright side of my seed experience and am attempting to "fast forward" the 14 months and 17 days during which my attitude changed tremendously (for the better). I felt as though I were a part of an incredible creation called The Seed that was going to change the world. Our job was to "carry the load " and set an example for other druggies. Although we didnt talk to them they were welcome to be a part of "US".

      I have become very familiar with Drug and alcohol rehabilitation centers and Half-way houses.(been there, done that) At no time in the experiences that Ive had since I went through the seed in 74, 75 have I felt the love and acceptance that I felt deeply and repeatedly from staff and countless seedlings. Obviously It was neccessary to behave the right way and say the right words when in groups but the purpose of our "brainwashing" was to support our changing our attitudes which by the way werent acceptable ( mine wasn't)

     I truly wish I were in a place similiar to the seed where I could share my "feelings" and talk about how I really feel in my heart and soul. The life I presently live which now includes A. A. is very superficial when compared to my days in Broward County. My acquaintances appear shallow in comparison.

     Does anyone else have similiar memories from our days gone by in the seed? Let me know.

[email protected]

The Seed Discussion Forum / Home from rehab 30 years after the seed
« on: December 04, 2004, 06:44:00 PM »
Hi Friends,

     I just arrived home from 19 days in  Glenbeigh Rehabilitation Center, outside Cleveland.  My drinking and cocaine use got out of control and I am newly clean and sober and plan to stay that way for at least the rest of the day. I thought alot about the seed. I miss the seed experience with all my heart and soul as I relive the summer of 1974 sitting on those hard chairs in the first few rows of the rap sessions. Present day rehab centers are pathetic and pitifully vacant when it comes to feeling like a part of them. They remain "for profit" corporations, so was Art Barker. The professional councellors are egotistical so were the seed staff members. The classes are very similiar to the seeds rap sessions and I fell aseep several times while trying to pay attention (same deal at the seed, they expected us to stay awake from 10:00a.m. to 10:00p.m.

     My problem is that I am "FILLED" with feelings and issues and the rehab center treated me like a moron talking about A.A.'s powerlessness and unmanageable and telling me to just put the plug in the jug and turn my life over to a higher power and go to meetings and everything will be "Hunky Dory",,,,,,,,,,,I never told anyone there about the seed because they would never believe me.

     I have so many issues and I hold them inside and carry them around. When I was at the seed, I talked about almost everything that bothered me and vented to other friends. Now I remain very alone. I dont have any friends and I dont trust people,,,,,,,,,,,,kinda sad ya ?

     I plan to stay sober (a day at a time) for the moment. My brain cannot handle alcohol or drugs and that is a shame because I appreciated there emotional pain killing ability. Its time to reach up into the clouds and creat a "GOD" that I find loving and helpful.

     P.S.  ( I secretly wish I were a seedling again)

          Keep the faith

The Seed Discussion Forum / Vodka thoughts
« on: November 12, 2004, 07:08:00 PM »
I can hardly imagine how Libby would respond to my drinking a tall glass of Vodka and writing a pretentious letter to Art Barker. Imagine that. Once again, The seed saved my bacon. The sign on the wall next to the big fan said "Your not alone anymore". I found that to be very true. I was surrounded by teenagers that had experimented with pot, maybe L.S.D, speed and downs, very few had used harder drugs. We all had the same short haircuts , we were all hungry for acceptance by both the group and especially the staff memebers. We all felt those hormones overwhelming our sexuality. We were also very much alike in that we didnt like our parents and family. The Seed was a utopia in a sea of fire. All I had to do was stand up and repeat what I had heard from well liked, well accepted kids that were oohhed and aahhed by staff memebers. Home free.
The rap groups were about The 7 steps, honesty, drug use, principals, values, freedom, peace, seperating ourselves from other drug users, loving others and creating a world where we expanded our love and acceptance to embrace all of society. uuuummm, do you believe this. Yea, right
 anyway that is what I loved about the seed, we kick ass and take names. In 1974 we went to the orange bowl in our blue jeans and t-shirtsand sang "America" in the stadium. Th at was a wild ride. As we walked off field we were boooooooed and put down by everyone in the seats.
Keep in mind that we stood in the seed surrrounded by fifty or one hundred others so you can be sure we said all the right stuff
 I did pot, hash, THC, ups downs speed acid , mescaline, codiene, cocaine, morphine, demerol. Yea  right, I never did most of those but I wanted to be liked and accepted so I would speak it out like nothing.
 Okay folks, someone else tell me about yourself, when the seed took control of your heart and made you feel like a part.
 If I could find a place now-a-days where I could feel like a part of , that was decent, I would join them . So the vodka glass is getting empty and I have talked about my appreciation of the seed. Peace and Love to all of you.


Ah yes, those were the days. July1st 1974 and my life was about to change. I didnt fit into my world and the seed took me under there arms and loved me. I was such an oddball that I was completly alone, I had grown up in an alcoholic family and at age 15 I was taking any drugs I could get my hands on to kill the emotional pain. In the high school that I was going to there were 3 groups, the jocks, the nurds and the freaks. Im sorry to say that I was such an outcast I wasnt even accepted into the "freaks" (druggies). I was overwhelmed with fears and extremely low self-esteem and my parents were incapable of being present(emotionally) to help me. I was suicidal and my parents put me in a mental hospital and then  brought me to the seed in Ft. Lauderdale. The truth is the seed saved my life and I thank them for that. Its true that the seed was a "cult", Art Barker was a strange charachter and the seed had its problems. In retrospect we were brainwashed but maybe I needed it at the time. In my prior writings I put down the seed and in a few short months I have forgiven art and all the staff. My resentments have transformed into appreciation for the acceptance that I experienced for !4 months and 17 days in the big white seed on Highway 84. Its true that you went with the program or you got reamed but I had no values or principles and I sat in rap session after rap session after rap session talking about the same things over and over until it sank in. I really did feel like I wasnt alone anymore and felt like a part of a large group of special people that were going to change the world for the better. I rebounded and did well in school and stayed clean and sober for 5 years. Those were the best days of my life. As of now I have been unable to experience the spirituality that I discovered in my teenage years in the seed, thats because I am alone in a violent world where people dont care about each other. The seed was cool. The seed ruled my life and I am alive today  as a result

The Seed Discussion Forum / good and bad
« on: November 10, 2004, 03:31:00 PM »
As I have read these messages I feel both good and bad about the seed. I do indeed wish I could go back to July 1st, 1974 and sit on the front row. I thought I was adopted by a top secret organization that was going to change the world for the better. In truth it was all a pipe dream. Thousands of kids were helped and I was one of them. Bye-bye seed

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