Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

Believe me, I do not expect CEDU to fix anything. CEDU can't protect you from life. But by the same token, I do care about other kids being placed in this type of environment.  That is my issue. Maybe because I just finished grad school in education and I'm looking at all these placements and some of them are in TBSs.  And because I really fucking deplore all that crappy experimental "therapy" on kids.

But I'll tell ya what. I'll just say Fuck It because I was up all night with a 3 year old and a five year old puking their guts out and I'm beat. Fine, you win! Fuck CEDU!

Oh God, I'm saved! That felt good. I'm over it.

I don't know. I think most of us were somewhat socially awkward as teenagers.  That's normal. Even popular kids had that hang up. And yes, most of us had issues prior to CEDU, but in an ideal world, CEDU would help its' students, not impede their growth in the real world. But practical help was not on the menu. Besides, many of us would have improved our self confidence with maturity. When I left CEDU, I lost my sense of humor for awhile, took everything way too seriously, and tried to live in "agreement" after I split CEDU. (Which makes no sense.) Of course, no one could live up to CEDU's arbitrary, insular values and I was so wary of people after being emotionally violated that I never learned to put up HEALTHY boundaries.  It was either no boundaries or a wall. Nothing in between. I went from being a drop out pre -CEDU to an honor student-volunteer-work out queen- bitch Barbie.  And you know what? That was just a good resume.  It didn't solve my core issues.  And it took me awhile to embrace what was normal.

Lots of people, even CEDU lovers, say they fell apart after the school, and beyond the obvious,that 1)they never got help for their core problems, and 2)they were disabled from operating in teh real world after being in a highly insulated environment.  But the other thing had to do with the structure.

For example, I had a sleep disorder and periodic episodes of depression before and after CEDU.  I didn't have it at CEDU (and I hated the place) because every minute of my day was so highly structured and either physically (manual labor) or emotionally exhausting, I had no trouble sleeping. I also think the novelty and work and constant challenge of the environment kept you on your toes, in a state of hyper awareness, that fended you from depression. (Well, me anyway.)

But what happens when you leave CEDU and are not worked heavily, physically and emotionally? What do you do when you no longer have an external structure imposed upon you to respond to? You fall back into old patterns. Especially if you didn't learn how to structure yourself. And really, that type of quasi police state structure is not realistic. One monitored phone call every two weeks? Total control of your time and activities moment to moment? Total control of what you could wear, talk about, talk TO, and do?  God, even your thought processes was censored if they ever got to light.

You are killing me... You are one humorous and articulate guy.  

Anyway, the queer thing was strange too at CEDU. During my time, it was strictly "don't ask, don't tell."  I mean on one hand, we were unnaturally barred from the opposite sex, we danced and smooshed with same sex partners...some people copped out to homosexual experiences but it was treated almost as a disclosure but not an orientation.

I remember a few people coppng out to being gay or lesbian and it was as if they said nothing. Like an unofficial code of silence-- staff members just diverted the topic.  For once, the topic was not exploited or magnified but brushed under the carpet.  

A genuine therapist would work with this aspect of development and at least give the individual a safe place to be open about their orientation. This could not happen at CEDU. I always wondered if it was because they didn't want to rock the boats of the parents who footed the bill. (You know: "Fork over the 56K.  By the way, your child is gay.")

Who knows? I wondered if this changed after I went to CEDU.

Maybe your Idaho experience was tamer than CEDU RS. I personally enjoyed the wilderness, the work assignments, the manual labor, and even the writing assignments. I still think the school was a waste of time and money, did nothing productive, and at least at CEDU RS, totally verbally, emotionally, and psychologically abusive. Academically fraudulent,and very damaging, especially to some people I know who have anxiety, bipolar, depression, ODD etc and needed very specific help.

So I disagree with the who gives a fuck? attitude. I had that same outlook when I first left but being older and a grad student of ed made me rethink CEDU a lot. I want kids getting real help.

Also, as far as all the sex and dope you scored--let me tell ya, that did not happen at CEDU during my tenure. That place was so tightly wired with bullies and snitches and so inculcated with the CEDU moral values, it rarely happened. And while I myself am not a smoker, I sure as hell wish the staff availed themselves to the mellowing effects of marijuana on a regular basis.

In any case, it is no wonder the first thing many kids did when they left--whether they graduated or split-- was get laid. In fact, there are more than a few students who fucked staff right after graduating. After all, some of us were already sitting on their laps, getting our asses pinched by them, and having them describe to us how our tight pants gave everyone boners.

All that suppression of normal sex drives, even flirting with our own peers for God's sake, is NOT a healthy thing.

I'll tell you one thing: CEDU is the LAST place I would send my kids to learn interpersonal relations.

I have to say that I have not gone to therapy to deal specifically with the impact CEDU had on my life.  However, the impact was huge. One could say how so? Afterall, I was an honor student who did not partake in drugs or other "deviant" behavior after CEDU. (Truthfully, I quit drugs prior to CEDU).  The reason CEDU affected me so much was because it weaves itself into your psyche in insidious ways.  

You are much smarter than I was three years after I departed CEDU. I still brought into CEDU values for years after I left the program, and did not question it until over a decade later.  In fact, this forum helped me to articulate exactly what was wrong with CEDU.  (I always knew it deep down, but had no one to talk about it with because no civilian could possibly understand a cultic experience.)

CEDU is a artificial bubble that does not prepare you for the exigencies of every day life in the real world.  How can they teach you healthy communication techniques or emotional growth if its primary therapeutic tools support coersion to the point of false confessions, humiliation, verbal and emotional abuse, highly manipulative experentials that are too sophisticated and contrived for the psyche of a teenager, and "values" that exist only within its confines.  It is also an environment that is so isolated and controlled that you are not able to weigh it against anything real.

After going through a set of artificial, contrived experentials with your peers, how can you expect to relate easily to regular folks once you leave the compound? I know people who were AFRAID of real, non-CEDU civilians after leaving the "school" (really a group home.)

The fact is that the only thing most staff were expert at were power plays and manipulating parents.  The truth was, many of them were more fucked up than we were, and working out their own shit on us.  

CEDU made normal things (like flirting with the opposite sex) abnormal, and abnormal things normal.

Raps were nothing more than psychological and verbally abusive mosh pits that simultaneously and arbitrarily stripped you of your self worth while giving you a distorted sense of power.

Could you imagine talking to people outside of CEDU the way you talked to your peers in raps?  How could you possibly develop a healthy sense of boundaries when the staff had no sense of therapeutic boundaries or ethics?  How could you possibly relate to people afterward if you are conditioned by CEDU to overdramatize every minuscule event and have a roller coaster of highs and lows?

Did CEDU ever deal with the student individually? NO.

CEDU occured at a developmentally pivotal time of our lives; of course, it will leave an impression.

I know of a few people who have gone to therapy to deal with the scars CEDU left a decade later.  Some are diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Maybe someone could give more information pertaining to specific therapy in response to CEDU.  Anyone?

I totally understand how confusing it would be to sort it all out, but you are much clearer than I was three years after CEDU when I knew something was "off" but didn't even know to question it openly.

I couldn't talk to my parents about the lovely place in the woods with campfires and farm animals.  (They sure as hell wouldn't want to know what some people were doing with these farm animals.)

This is what I don't get in any of these sites. People recount true, accurate portrayals of gross therapeutic abuses, unethical, and misapplied coercive techniques and serious weaknesses within these programs that are systemic rather than isolated, and the programs are still defended as worthwhile.  How can any program be worthwhile if it is inherently abusive or cultic? I don't get it!

On my site (CEDU), we even get people who bash the anti CEDU participants but have yet to describe one tool or practice that is beneficial. They say the program helps, butcan never answer the program helps, but can never answer the question "how?"  And they never, ever address the systemic failures of the institution or how people were subjected to horrific psychological abuse and humiliation, and browbeaten to lie or hyperbolize about their past.  These pro program people NEVER have an answer to how a one size fits all philosophy helps individuals, or which tools help people once they are back in the real world, out of an isolated environment with it's own code, lingo, and mind set.

I have no idea if CEDU was better prior to closing... but if it was, then why did it close? Why do more current staff and therapists still recount the same type of therapeutic abuses? Why did CPS stop sending children there? Why was there a very strident investigation of the place?  I'm not sure how much kinder or gentler it could have been if systemically it was flawed.  The whole thrust of the program is based on cultic tactics like those used in Life Spring or Synanon.

And, still, if parents are gonna spend a shit load of money to "help" their child, why not spend it on something that works? Why spend it on a place that simply does not have the expertise to deal with individual cases? Why spend it on a place with staff who are as fucked up as the kids working out their own crap on them, and getting off on the power trip?

For me, CEDU was the most strange, surreal experience I've ever had, but I never talked about it--EVER--until last year on this site. Not one of my friends would have ever understood that wacky place.  So for me, it's been cathartic and vindicating. Also, I'm just finishing grad school so I'm online a lot. The reason I still post on and off is because my parents had NO idea the type of place they were sending me to, and I want to make sure other people are aware of these schools before they decide to inter their children there, especially since the brochures look so damn good.  What happened 10+ years ago is bygone and I really don't think about what CEDU did to me per se but I do want to encourage others to have their eyes open.

It's not that I don't think some kids need intensive help, I just think people should be a bit more savvy or creative in their problem solving skills.