Author Topic: MMS changed my life  (Read 1286 times)

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Offline ainoue

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MMS changed my life
« on: May 01, 2005, 03:14:00 PM »
My name is Aya Inoue.  I was at MMS from 1998 - 2000.
I sit here and read other people's experiences, and I am overcome with gratitude but sadness.  The fact that so many people had negative experiences with MMS fails to surprise me, but I struggle because of the persisitng hostiliy people feel towards the place.  I understand that MMS was not the right place for everyone.  I do not think that it ever claimed to be... a lot of selectivity wentinto students who were accepted there, and I honestly believe that the administrators tried their best to admit girls they thought they could help.  But everyone makes mistakes, and I do not believe that this happens in a vacuum.  Parents had every right to pull their children from the program at any point.  Educational consultants were often used to aid parents in their decisions.  Is it necessarily John Mercer, or Mike Finn's fault that MMS wasn't the right fit for some of the students?  It is true, there were many girls who left MMS and returned to their old ways immediately. Some hung in there for a while, but inevitably returned to drugs, alcohol sex, eating disorders, etc.  However, I have had the luxury of getting back in touch with so many students who left MMS - some graduated, some got kicked out, some left early.  The bottom line is: no matter how much we might have swayed from our paths of success, a whole bunch of us have managed to get our lives back together again.  MMS never claimed to be a "cure" for addictions.  The founders had emotional investment in the lives of their students because they were in recovery themselves.  It is understandable for some people to resent their approach to treatment, but I do not think it is fair to undermine the amount of lives that the staff at MMS did save.
Take me, for instance.  I landed at the gates of MMS in March 1998, just barely 90 pounds, covered in self mutilated cuts on my arms, and with little will to live.  It was the toughest decision for my parents to ever make, but they sent me away from home (Japan) in order to save my life.  Through my therapy at MMS, I learned to have a voice.  I learned how to enjoy life free of materialistic things.  I learned to distance myself from my dysfunctional family, and to be independent.  I learned how to create strong relationships with other girls who were from diverse backgrounds.  If I had never left Tokyo, I have no doubt in my mind that I would either be dead or hospitalized today.  I needed that environment to survive.  I needed to be monitored because I had no intention of monitoring myself.  I needed to learn how to cry, and how to be happy.  
Every day continues to be a struggle, but it has been seven years since my last binge/purge.  I continue to have a hard time facing my body and taking care of myself.  But I'm alive.  And for that, I will always be grateful.  MMS didn't directly save my life - I did.  It ultimately came down to a choice that I had to make about myself.  What MMS did was provide a medium through which I could learn to respect myself.  
I understand that some people are angry with their experiences there.  But the truth of the matter is, we can't go back and change time.  We cannot blame any of the decisions we made after we left MMS on the institution.  The truth is, WE are responsible for our own decisions.  It is not fair to blame other people for the mistakes we make in life.  We can be angry at the situtation in which we found ourselves, and everyone is entitled to their opinions.  But we must be careful not to use MMS as a scapegoat for our own issues.  I am sorry that MMS was not a positive experience for everyone, but we do not live in a utopian society.  If it was a bad time for you, accept the fact that it wasn't the right place for you, but understand that it WAS the right place for a lot of girls.  Everyone is different.  Take what you like, and leave the rest.  Its ok if you left it all behind, but please don't forget that there are many students who needed MMS during that point in their lives.  I, for one, will forever be grateful to my Montana experience because it is where I like to say that "my life started over again."
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline enge4815

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MMS changed my life
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2005, 03:19:00 PM »
hey aya,
I remember you. You were from Japan and you were so quiet. i am glad that you had a good experiences and that you learned from them. i appreciate reading your post it bugs me when I read such hostility from others but yours was quite refreshing do you keep in touh with anoyone there?I have amemory of you. You had a bunny that John gave you and it was beautiful and youkept it in a cage outside the group room I can't rememebr the buildings name now. So what are you up to now?
Let me know.
Rebecca engel
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
am only here to share about my experience opinion, and goals outside of MMS. I don\'t agree with all but I also don\'t agree with all MMS stood for either. When you read my posts I invite you to make your opinions and write back to me about what I said. B

Offline enge4815

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MMS changed my life
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2005, 05:49:00 PM »
hey aya,
I want to get your e-mail address.Please e-mail me if you want because I would like to have some contact with someoone I went to school with. Do you have any of the chat things? Well I am going to give you my e-mail address I hope that you e-mail me back so I don't have to leave this up for very long. Here's my e-mail. [email protected]
Feel free to e-mail me anytime. I know that the people who read this will. Have a great day.
Rebecca :wave:
P.S. where are you in life today? I am glad that we are some of the few that have a few positive thing to say about MMS. I am glad you had a postive that you are willing to share here.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
am only here to share about my experience opinion, and goals outside of MMS. I don\'t agree with all but I also don\'t agree with all MMS stood for either. When you read my posts I invite you to make your opinions and write back to me about what I said. B

Offline Anonymous

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MMS changed my life
« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2005, 09:36:00 PM »
Aya,

you stated "Is it necessarily John Mercer, or Mike Finn's fault that MMS wasn't the right fit for some of the students"

NO, it wasn't their fault.......but it was their responsibility! If they couldn't help us they should have stated it to the parents so the parents could take their child else where- where they could be helped. Instead of pretending to help them ans screwing them up even more.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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MMS changed my life
« Reply #4 on: May 02, 2005, 03:33:00 AM »
Quote
On 2005-05-01 18:36:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Aya,



you stated "Is it necessarily John Mercer, or Mike Finn's fault that MMS wasn't the right fit for some of the students"



NO, it wasn't their fault.......but it was their responsibility! If they couldn't help us they should have stated it to the parents so the parents could take their child else where- where they could be helped. Instead of pretending to help them ans screwing them up even more."


I think it's a matter of opinon. I personally hate John Mercer and think he is a total piece of shit, however I do know that he did help some girls and there's no taking that away from him. Some people didn't like Mike but he helped me alot, in fact of all the staff at MMS he helped me the most. Just as it's a blanket statement to say that they were wonderful,completely compentent people who helped every girl that went through MMS it is also a blanket statement to say that they were unable to help any of the girls that went through MMS. I think people here just need to come to realize that because someone doesn't share your opinion that doesn't mean that they are wrong. The bottom line is some people found John,Mike and whoever else abusive and horrible, and some did not. That doesn't mean the girls who found them helpful are delusional or "under the spell" of MMS in any way. People have different experiences, and different opinions and everyone needs to learn to accept that. No amount of arguing will change someone's experience, it happened and it's theres so just respect that.

Melissa Gower.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »