So cool seeing a few people on this site who were there back in the mid-80's. I arrived in time to see the "First Peer Group" graduate and was numbered the #64th student or around there.
I have bumped into several grads since my Summer of 86 graduation and most were still traumatized, unable to get hold a job, handle school (partly because they had no education at RMA) and had fallen back into pre-RMA patterns.
On the topic of raps and how students and staff would take out their emotional issues on everything and everyone in their line of sight, I too found that so valueless. Being yelled at for taking an extra minute in the shower, or doing too much laundry, or not getting outof bed fast enough to suit someone, or asking for a pillow.
It was the rare event indeed when someone got talked to about something important, where the result was growth. Too often the result was a beating down, berating assault on a student who was always left stunned by the force of the words being thrown at them.
The problem was that the raps were run by staff who had no idea how to control situations because they lacked control of themselves. From Tim Brace, to Caroline Wolfe, the staff were simply too untrained to be dealing with 16-18 year olds suffering from all manner of psychological problems, past sexual experiences and so on. With their Cracker Jack Box degrees, they would attempt to label everyone. Once the label was on, you wore it till the day you left. So often however, that label was wrong, yet the student began to identify and accept the label, and since it was the wrong one, they were left more messed up than before.
Knowing so many of the students who were there at the same time as me, I was left feeling that the parents rarely had any idea what was actually wrong with their son or daughter, were too busy to listen and learn, and sent their children, hoping someone could help them out, to a place that was waiting to prey on them and their money with the dream that their child would go in angry and troubled and come out full of love and happiness.
The students I met had some past experiences with sex, drugs and alcohol, some more than others. Most of these experiences were not so extreme as to warrant being sent to a school dealing with psychotherapy. Love and a good rehab center combined with a personal desire, are about the only things that can draw a person away from alcohol and drugs.
I do remember a handful of students who needed some real help. I generally don't like to mention names, but I will use the first name of this student as he was a real example. His name was Scott. He was a frightened, socially disturbed individual who was picked on endlessly at RMA. He was there before I arrived, and left sometime after I graduated. RMA could not straighten him out because he needed real help. But the parents paid mountains of cash for RMA to babysit him. This is what RMA is after. Money. Nobody denies it. They do not have the education or credentials to be helping students like Scott, or anyone else for that matter. But rather than turning down the paycheck, they take these students who need actual help and cause them even more trauma and pain.
I arrived at RMA because I didn't do homework. I was labeled as being angry even though I don't raise my voice except perhaps at a sporting event. Having never used drugs or alcohol, I could not relate to most of the topics being discussed. I was a virgin when I arrived, though not when I left. With an IQ and education far beyond my fellow students and probably the staff as well, I often just say back and watched, and listened. I tried to give good feedback when I could, but early on I found that others didn't really want this. As the previous poster had said, students and staff would yell at you for the smallest thing, for any reason under the Sun. The point of the school, for me, was just getting out with my sanity intact and as many relationships as I could make.
I am still friends with a few of the students from my peer group. I talk with one weekly and the girl I lost my virginity with is still in the loop. I have bumped into many students in the last 20 years since I graduated, and all have finally managed to put RMA behind them, and find some level of success in their lives. It took them many years to find themselves after the insanity they were put through up in Idaho. But I think they all made it and are "normal" today, as far as society is concerned.
For me, my family life was destroyed by RMA. My family disowned me on my graduation day. I spent 20 years trying to rebuild that relationship but gave up a year ago. I no longer have an active relationship with my brothers and sisters or my parents as a direct result of RMA failing to do what they were paid to do.
I hope all of you, parents and students, find a way to sit down and figure out the problems in your relationships and your lives. You don't need these schools to make things better. They will only make things worse. The best thing you can do is not waste time blaming each other for what was done wrong, but try and come up with a solution, that both sides want to the problems at hand. And parents, you have to accept some of the responsibility for what your child is going through. They have to know you accept it too. If your relationship is all about blame and condemnations, obviously you have reached a dead end. The solution is to turn around, get back to the road and choose a different direction, because the one you are on now is not the one taking you to where you or your child wants to be.
If your child could do it on their own, they would have. If they had the will or desire to take a different path on their own, they would have. As the adult and parent, I want you to take the lead. That doesn't mean barking orders, it just means leading. Leaders take the initiative, and others follow them. Sometimes kicking and screaming...
--Bill,
