Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum
Unconditional Growth--Cindy and John Perloff
Anonymous:
I think there are 3 anons... I am responsible for the Didion and Baldwin quotes, but not the "brilliant" post. I am writing about my experience and I think it's best, at this point, to remain anonymous, but given that there's no acknowledgement of my experience in The Seed (not voluntary) or the implications of that experience in my family, I like to check in here once in a while and just see that it's all REAL. I need that to keep going.
Thank you!
cleveland:
I find it interesting that so many people are unwilling/uninterested in exploring their past, and although I think it is one thing to 'move on' with your life, it's quite another to disregard the lessons learned and cover everything with minimizing dismissals or denial. For me, the Seed experience was powerful, if only because I have never before or since so wholeheartedly abandoned myself to a cause or group - wouldn't I want to learn from that? I don't see it as 'recover from recovery' if one can even ever do such a thing, but a natural need to look back in honesty at my actions in the past, and even to share that with others who may (or may not) have experienced the same or similar circumstances. However, I think I am fairly unique in that I don't think I ever close the door on a person or on the past, for me it is continuously interweaving. Not everyone operates like that I understand. But I think it's valuable. I am glad for all of the postings that I read here, and though I do check this site fairly regularly I can assure you that I am not writing from my bunker, surrounded by Seed t-shirts and license plates, obsessing over what my oldcomer told me 25 years ago (though I do still dream about the Seed, that's true)...
GregFL:
Three anons, eh?
well, Anon #1, your partipation has certainly been valuable to us (me?) as well. Instead of being so final, why not come around once in a while. You need not to "recover from recovery" to be here. Hell, I am not in any such recovery.
As far as new age philosophy, I must offer you an apology. I recently subscribed to "science of mind" magazine after finding a wonderfull article about letting go some 10 months ago. I will tell you it was one of the most brilliant things I have ever read. There is value in things and it is unfair to so harshly critize, so again I apologize.
Drop in on us from time to time.
Anon # 2, where are you? great post.
And now, number #3, I really enjoyed your insights as well. Please PM me and explain a little about what you are writing...
Good day to all.
GregFL:
--- Quote ---
GregFL wrote: ?However, there is one thing you fail to understand Anon. The first step to releasing yourself from the prison of cults, gurus and other mind sapping bullshit sometimes is to get good and angry. Feel it..understand what happened to you. Only then can some move to step two..compartmentalizing the experience and putting it in their past, forgiving (not forgetting!) the tresspassers, finding understanding in the whole experience, and moving on.
--- End quote ---
--- Quote ---
Anon wrote:
I realize not everyone?s experience was voluntary. Perhaps my assumption that after all of these years most who where forcefully or legally ?commited? would be up to your step two was not a good one.
--- End quote ---
Well, I understand that on some level, but really it is quite normal for people to have this unresolved.
I will try to use an analogy. Suppose you had someone in your life that did something to you that you perceived as horrible when you were a teenager and you cut all contact with them. You didn't even think much about this person over the years but instead set out to put it behind you, and were quite successfull at doing so. Still, something remained unresolved. Lo and behold, 30 years later this person knocks on your door. During this time you remember what happened and get a little angry..at the same time other memories flood back and you talk it out, but now from the perspective of an adult.
This message board can be like that for some people. Most people haven't been laying around for 30 years mad at the seed. The issue however, due to its inherent nature of necessary secrecy, shame and failures of others to understand, has gone unresolved in many people. When they first come here it is not uncommon, and I experienced something similar, to experience a whole range of emotions and memories.
One of my visions of this website was to bring all participants on all sides of the issues out. I have actively solicited people pro, con and indifferent to come here. I felt this way, the truth would find its own way and hopefully people would find an arena to revisit, work thru, understand, forgive,complain or praise and hopefully resolve the issue within themselves and even hopefully with their families.
Anonymous:
I drove from Ohio to Florida with John Perloff. We followed each other there in our cars in the quest to rejoin the Seed in Florida after they closed in Ohio. I had the most huge crush on him at the time. I believe Cindy is the girl he married from the program...having a hard time remembering the names after all these years and putting it all back together. Something that took me years to block out, pleasantly so. If it is her she and I used to race in the pool every day nearly. I won! When I heard they were an item I remember a feeling of surprise that having anything to do with boys there was even an option an how I had missed my chance with him if he ever even liked me. She started taking the pill and that was public knowlege among the girls. I was a virgin till I was twenty. Glad they ousted my sweet ass. They stole my youth....no petting, or movies with boys.......they turned me into a public relations director with a shirt, a pin and an I love you go to the seed and get straight line.....Years of childhood and life taken sitting in a fucking chair kissing thier asses....cleaning thier house. I'm not mad. :flame: I haven't even gone to check out the web site but a part of me is really saddened to hear that this ended up being his end. Sounds like some sort of cheap sell God to you scheme. I hate nothing more than to see impoverished people desperately reaching out for hope or help and paying GOD so GOD can buy another mercedes while their children go hungry and their windows unrepaired..........but there is that big lovely CHURCH. I loved the Seed and everyone in it to no end and they ripped out my heart and betrayed my loyalty and never even gave me a clear valid reason. To think of it all these years later after finding this site because of something my mother said to provoke me to look brings back memories of happiness and also those of sheer pain and asbsolute inadequescy. My own brother would shove my head in the sink in the morning while I was washing my face screaming seedling...he ran away from there. He was assisted by the rest of my family. I wore the pin and the shirt and was a walking advertisment for the Seed. I have no childhood friends. I cut all ties and betrayed them in the fear of non-compliance with seed rules. My situation at home was rotten and they helped me allianate myself from it not fix it in the least. Worked for me. I even went back to my home town years later to appologize and my old best girlfriend would not even come to the door. Can't blame her. I do not have a truly beautiful prolific post like the ones I just read. I don't have the energy. I have a life to maintain. I have however just spent almost an entire day reading this stuff. So sorry that I fed into it all and how shocked am I that you are here? I have believed all these years withought any help from a "group" that I was truly brainwashed to line their pockets. I sat with a calculator once and mutliplied what my Mom paidx the number of successes they claimed and the money we all donated from our paychecks at Christmas, free food from parents, free rent from the church, ect. and realized he was a millionaire. I also worked for the Playboy Club years later, and found out he wasn't shit there and had LIED to us. Hate liars...........I never ever forgot some of the people I in a way grew up with and did a couple of searches with the yellow pages to no satisfaction. I tried to call the Seed two times over those years to demand an explanation for what was done to me but got a recording and no answer. I want the hand quilted pillow I gave art(small letters) back..............LOL They broke my heart. Gonna sign in and pick a name and tell what they did to me Seed 76' cleveland-81' Lauderdale Who thinks he was sleeping with Libby? I was in their house and he and his wife? had two single beds in their room, "because he snoared" Why were all the women on staff really beautiful and full figured, except Ginger....no offense Ginger. Who was that Gay type chic...always soooo funny........biatch. Stuck up to no end her and her yuppie wanna be lover Leann. Rode to work with her and don't even remember her name. Staff biatch. I hope they are here and reads this to know how miserable they were to me. They frigin enjoyed it! I need to go back and read the lets all let go and love each other post! Sounds like a f'ing lawyer to me!!!!!!!!!!
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