On 2005-03-28 14:19:00, lookatmenowbitch wrote:
"not many people read my posts
I think you're probably mistaken.
ps...i want some of the people who actually read this to tell a story about a day in there life... first day or the 137th day...doesnt matter... or any in there life... ill listen...coz thats the only thing i can do."
As days go, this was a stressful one. It started out a little rough and got much worse.
Slowly I came around to a couple of realizations. First thing I realized was that I was not in the Program anymore, it had only been a bad dream after all. Good! I was starting to get used to that. Next thing I realized was that I wasn't at home either, but on the couch in a shabby little apartment where there had been a party the night before. Next, I couldn't hold my beer and probably shouldn't drink in strange company EVER! Next that my mom was probably worried and so I should call her. Finally, that nobody had bothered me as I slept (thank GOD!) and that I still had time to get home, put on my stupid Arby's monkey suite and make it to my crappy new job on time. There was still hope of pulling this one out of the ditch.
So, with that much of a plan set, I went about putting it into action. Soon as I walked in the door, I realized that this was not going to be a good day at all. Mom and Dad had hidden all my clothes, just as they had done the night before they'd taken me to Straight two years prior. Only this time, I was a legal adult w/ a job (such as it was) and well on my way to making up for those two lost years of education. No way could this be happening again! But it was.
They wanted me to go for an "intake interview" at LIFE. They (lied) told me that if I would just go talk to them that they'd give me my uniform so that I could go to work. I told them there was no way I was going to sign in for another two years of that BS. But they were insistant. I knew they were lying, but I could see a deal forming, knew I could hold up my end and didn't think they had any intention of holding up theirs. It was a shot at something I hadn't been able to get before.
So I decided to see their brinksmanship and raise the anti. At the very worst, it couldn't get any worse.
So I got in the car w/ Mom and Dad and rode out to Osprey for about 2 hours of absolutely nothing different from the first intake "interview" at Straight, except that there was no "Dr." Newton. I still held out hope that they'd give up the cause and honor their agreement, but not much hope. I really was more expecting them to draw me that line in the sand so that I could step over it and be done w/ the whole ordeal for good and all.
Well, the moment finally came. Mom and Dad stepped back into the room and informed me that if I didn't sign zee paper right then that I could walk out the door and they weren't going to give me a ride home. Hearing that was like manna from Heaven! "Boy, tough decision", I said. "Hmm, two more years of bullshit or freedom on certain unambiguous terms.... Bye!"
I think my mom was really shocked when I got up to leave. I think she was going to try and stop me. I think she thought better of it because for the first time in my entire life I really might have raised a fist to her if she had. But she stepped aside and I walked by her feeling strangely lighthearted. All the anger and fear just drained from me in an instant, to be replaced by an unexpected and overwhelming sense of adventure.
I was free! I hadn't snuck out or run away or any such thing. I no longer resided in "their" house and it wasn't by my choice. There was no more ambiguity about that either. I owned this freedom. It was given to me in clear terms by my parents. It was precious! And I needed a better job FAST LOL. But that wasn't too hard to do, ya' know?
What is this new loyalty? It is, above all, conformity. It is the uncritical and unquestioning acceptance of America as it is. It rejects inquiry into the race question or socialized medicine or public housing, regards as heinous any challenge to what is called the system of private enterprise, identifying that system with Americanism. It abandons evolution, repudiates the once popular concept of progress, and regards America as a finished product, perfect and complete. The concept of loyalty as conformity is a false one. It is narrow and restrictive, denies freedom of thought and conscience... What do men know of loyalty who make a mockery of the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights?
http://www.harvardsquarelibrary.org/unitarians/commager.html' target='_new'>Henry Steele Commager, 1947