Ok, this is to the annonymous person who wrote to ashley and me. It might take a while to respond because of the length of the response and Its harder for me to make a point in writing because I cant write as fast as I think so here goes.
I know you wrote that kids whose parents can pursuade them should go. But how many kids do you know at a teenage level are strong enough to admit they have a serious problem with drugs and should get help? I mean its even hard for 40 year old people to admit that even though those around them know they need it. I know because my mother in law is a serious drug and alcohol addict and needs help. But because she believes that AA or therapy wont work for her, shes been drugging and drinking as long as Ive known my husband, which is since high school and I know shes done it his whole life.
I know that you think alot of these kids have yet to hit rock bottom and therefore should not have to go. But I know that alot of the kids I knew there were not there for mere behavioral problems. they didn't just skip school, or drink sometimes, or disrespect their parents. they were drug addicts, sex addicts with multiple partners, told their parents to f#@% off every day and even were physically abusive to their parents, and there for needed and extreme form of help. Short term outpatient therapy did not work for them.
And trust me, any alcoholic or drug addict doen not want to go to treatment. Why do you think that is? Because they dont belong there? No. Its because they want to keep living the way they are comfortable living. They want to keep doing drugs, having sex, smoking ciggarettes, what not. There are people who understand after years of doing that to themselves that they might need help. But alot of people dont get to that point and by then they feel that its too late for them and they just give in to their addiction.
Also say a child isnt totally out of control and you choose not to send them to get help, and they end up getting worse and worse. What then? Say that program could have been something that could have helped that child. But when their 18 it's too late. then they have to go out and be ina an adult world and have no tools to deal with it.
You are right though. Parents have a responsibility to teach their children and communicate with them. But I know you must know that you can be the best mom in the world and do most everything right and your child can still turn out to have behavior problems and drug problems.
The program I went to had many different kids in it. Bi polar, add, depression, ect. Also there was an array of people with different issues. Rape, death of a family member or friend, drugd, alcohol, sex, co dependancy, eating disorders, physical abuse, ect. And some had many of these issues. But Iv'e never seen a therapist there who was unprepared to deal with an array of different issues. thats why they go to school forever. Becuase they are traind to help those with many differnt issues.
About the punishment reward thing. my friend Jules wants to work in a recovery program for her career. She has had 6 years of Colorado Colledge to prepare her for it. She went to work at this program for troubled teens where the idea was no matter how these girls treated oyu you were to always respond with positivity and no consequenses. They didnt really have rules and threw desks at her, called her a cunt bitch, a slut, told her to fuck off and were generally just rude and disrespectful. She said it was the most pointleess and ridiculous thing she ever did. So only rewarding and trying to always be kind in response to unkindness does not work for a pissed off teenager in alock down facility. Nad even in the outside world. I know no matter how many times I would throw things at my mom andsay I hated her and wanted her to die, she always tried to apologize and be kind to me. But I was so far gone that I didn't care. It actually made it worse, because I was so miserable and hated myself and distrusted myself so much that I didn't believe her or any one that tried to be nice to me.
And people with bipolar and other diseases have different therapy than I did for obvious reasons. And most of the people that had it were on medication to balance them out. But most of the time, Id say a kid knows the difference between righ tand wrong and just chooses the selfish choice even though they know the consequences.
So are you saying we are mearly able to function in society now? I think that is totally off. Not only can I function, I have self esteem, a subject very foreign to me before the program. And I have tools that help me on a daily basis to communicate with my husband and my parents, and with peple in general. The things you learn there are not just how to not do drugs or that stuff. They help you to feel good about who you are and have hopes and dreams for the future.
My brother actually happens to be completely blind. He went blind when he was 13 from a retina detaching in his left eye which over the course of 5 years and after 6 surgeries made him completely blind. We lived in Atlanta when that happend and my Mom knew that in CO there was the Deaf and Blind school. It was a live in school to help these kids learn mobility, sign language and all that. He went and now my brother has graduated with a 4.0 from the Univerdity of Colorado at Colrado Springs with a masters in teaching. He is an incredible person. Do I think he would be successful if my parents hadn't spen the money and time to move there and take him to that school? No. He would still be amazing but he needed more help than my parents could give him. I know the situation is different, but you arent helpless with kids with disabliltlies or mental disorders. It just takes a different approach sometimes.
To be fair to those "idiot" parents, they did try alot of different approaches before they sent their kids there. Do you think my mom was just like "oh amandas doing bad. Lets send her off wehre we are unsure if she will get better and spend a large amount of money." No. they sent me to countless therapists, depression medicaiton, antibuse, ect. I did that for 4 years, but the day I ran away from home after my parents caught me doing drugs was when they realized that wasnt going to work for me. Now if that works for othwr kids, more power to them. Right on! Thst means that those kids got better a different way and I'm happy for those parents and those teens. But not everything works for everyone and I'm glad many different treatment facilities are out there so the ones that work can work for many people.
Many of the kids that thoght they sholdnt be there were lying to their parents about the program. I know because I was there. And their parents took them out and now the kids are back to the same old stuff. When your so oppositional defiant, of course oyu are going to hate rules. Many of them had NO rules at home at all. They could do what htey wanted or they just didn't listen to their parents and disobeyed the rules. What a shame they actually had to follow some rules for once in their life. What a travesty! What abuse! I mean come on! Kids need boundaries and rules. If not their ego takes over ned they do what feels good. Any one who has studies child psychology or any psychology knows that! Without rules people do what they want, so saying rules are mean or wrong is just not accurate. Rules help a pareson learn how to set boundaries for themselves. And thank god i learned how to do that in a safe environment.
And trust me, in my program no one was being abused or mistrated. if anything it is those childrens parents who were being abused and mistreated by them. There was no physical abuse, no sexual abuse, nothing of that kind. If oyu consider setting rules and boundaries abuse then you are right. But I certainly dont think that stting rules is abusive.
