Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > Straight, Inc-By-The-Sea

Ask Dr. Fucktard

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Dr. Miller Newton:
Listen Druggie,

Dr Fucktard (and Dr. Fucktard) is one of the most effective practitioners of drug treatment in the world.  Of course, there's no way a no-good druggie cretin like yourself could know that, but you'll find that out first hand when you're in Group, motivating in a bust ass rap, at the new, improved, all-ages, faith-based, Straight, Inc.-by-the-Sea!

As far as my academic credentials, who are you to question them?  Not only do I have degrees in Divinity and Medical Anthropology, but I have also been awarded honorary Doctorates from several distinguished institutions for higher learning for my incredibly effective work that I have done getting druggies like yourself Straight(TM) and off the path to jails, institutions, and death!  You'll get the chance to be "schooled" in the ways of my wisdom, don't worry about that!

Love ya!  Have a seat!

Dr Fucktard:
Roy,

Perhaps Dr. Newton would appreciate your willingness to warn him about being "trolled" by me, his esteemed collegue, if it were in fact the case; but since we've known each other personally (and have for many, many years) you are quite obviously mistaken. Also, I find your use of expletives toward him quite distasteful and devoid of respect since he only has your best interests in mind. When he (or I) curse at you on the board it is only because you need it, Roy. Remember that!

Both Newton and I look forward to seeing you in SIBS...

Love ya! :wave:

Fr. Cassian:
Good afternoon, Dr Fucktard!  It's been a busy day, what with all the diseased druggies following me around and harrassing me, but my Awareness tells me that things are looking up, both for me and for SIBS.  The harrassment we've been receiving is basically just the last dying gasps of our opposition, these dissadents know they've lost the fight against us, as we speak kids are getting treatment for their chemical dependencies and dry druggie attitudes at SIBS, and it's not going to stop anytime soon!  Kudos to you and the rest of the Executive Staff at SIBS for your great efforts.

Our next question comes from "Troubled Mom", a parent of a 14 year old druggie son, who asks "Where can I get some more information on SIBS?".

Dr Fucktard:

--- Quote ---My teenage son (14 years old) has been using drugs and acting very strange lately. He's disrespectful and I've found used condoms in the trash can in his bathroom, and drug related magazines in his room. He listens to anti-social rock music and gangster rap all day long. I know he's been sneaking his girlfriend in when his father and I are asleep. His grades are falling, and he brags to his younger brother and sister about using drugs. I've heard of a program in Madeira Beach, Florida, called "SIBS". Does anyone have information on this program? I just want my son to stop acting so strangely! We really love him and will spare no expense to help him.

Signed,

Troubled Mom
--- End quote ---

The activities described above by Troubled Mom are obviously the symptoms of a burgeoning drug problem. If it is not nipped in the bud soon, it will certainly escalate to terrible proportions. In the above preamble Fr. Cassian mentioned what we call a 'druggie attitude' and that is exactly what we are seeing in the case of Troubled Mom's son. This little bastard wouldn't know respect if it came up and bit him in the ass! He's a prime candidate for treatment at SIBS if there ever was one! Troubled Mom, if you really love your son, you will contact us immediately! Don't let another troubled day go by and call us NOW!

Dr. Fucktard:
Hello, Fornits druggies!  As many of you know, we've got the SIBS website up and running, and admissions are up because of it.  It's an excellent resource for parents, district attorneys, police officers, social workers and others who care about getting druggies STRAIGHT!

As a matter of fact, our next question comes from "Cesare V" who asks, "Dr. Fucktard, as a law enforcement professional, what can I do to help ensure the success of SIBS?"

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