Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum
Fresh blood
Antigen:
--- Quote ---On 2005-01-27 13:10:00, cleveland wrote:
We called ourselves "Seed Kids" but I would have never called a staff person a "kid." Staff were turning 35 when I was there, which seemed unbelievably old. Jr. staff were early 20s. Art was 54 years old when I came in in 1979 - just eight years older than I am now! Yikes!"
--- End quote ---
So were Jr. staff kids or not? And can anyone who came along later or stayed longer tell me if they still keep to this practice? I know it probably seems like nitpicking to some. But I think it's interesting if Art and Shelly and, I suppose, Lybbi had people in, say, their late 20's calling themselves and thinking of themselves as kids.
Babylon in all its desolation is a sight not so awful as that of the human mind in ruins.
-- Scrope Davies: Letter to Thomas Raikes, May 25, 1835.
--- End quote ---
Ft. Lauderdale:
Actually it was me that posted that Antigen. Honestly I was afraid of someone rejecting me. I guess Honestly I can still feel the same way about things today and yes I can take it back to early childhood my father never really liked me i wasn't good at sports my sister that was a year younger than me was better at everything than me like school and sports and was totally popular and also looked older than me (there is no justice I look 10 years older than her now) ::boohoo:: So ya all that played into it but.. for once I was like f*** it I'm not talking to you because I don't want to, I'm not giving you a smoke because I don't want too. It felt kinda good at the time to feel like I was siding with the good guys for a change. & no I didn't think I was better than anyone although I know there was a chance of this. I just for once had a good feeling about myself in my gut that I was OK and I didn't need to kiss ass.
Antigen:
--- Quote ---On 2005-01-27 13:41:00, Ft. Lauderdale wrote:
"Actually it was me that posted that Antigen.
--- End quote ---
Oh I know. But I won't blow your cover, ever. It's policy around here.
--- Quote ---Honestly I was afraid of someone rejecting me. I guess Honestly I can still feel the same way about things today and yes I can take it back to early childhood my father never really liked me i wasn't good at sports my sister that was a year younger than me was better at everything than me like school and sports and was totally popular and also looked older than me (there is no justice I look 10 years older than her now) ::boohoo:: So ya all that played into it but.. for once I was like f*** it I'm not talking to you because I don't want to, I'm not giving you a smoke because I don't want too. It felt kinda good at the time to feel like I was siding with the good guys for a change. & no I didn't think I was better than anyone although I know there was a chance of this. I just for once had a good feeling about myself in my gut that I was OK and I didn't need to kiss ass. "
--- End quote ---
Well glad to hear it. I remember the first time I really started to feel my oats that way. It was before the program (or at least before I had been a client) and I'd been bullied relentlessly by this one girl. Then she had friends (we had once been friends, so that really hurt!) Anyway, I just got to the end of what I could stand. I refused to turn snitch and just called her bluff in the locker room in front of all the other girls. Everyone was shocked. Never thought I had it in me.
The glory of it all came when some of the other girls suggested telling the coach, which is what I expected to happen. But one of the golden girls, by that I mean honor roll and student government, spoke up for me. "Well, did you think she should just take it forever?"
She and I had never been friends or enemies, just classmates w/ different .... lifestyles, for lack of a better word. But I'd always respected her very much, so it meant a lot to me.
Social proof, or peer pressure, is not always an unhealthy thing. The hazing stopped right then and there w/o any body getting really hurt. And I walked a little taller thereafter.
Here's freedom to him who would read;
Here's freedom to him who would write;
None ever feared that the truth should be heard,
But them that the truth would indict.
--author unknown (circa 1914)
--- End quote ---
Anonymous:
I was at The Seed from 1980 - closing. I graduated four months after I entered the program. The culture at the seed definitely changed after the 90's, which seems to be of interest here, so I will focus on the 90?s era. I will be as balanced / objective in my statements as I can possibly be.
First, let me say that I did not witness any of the "physical abuses," claimed by some of the 70?s generation in the forum. I recognize that I was not there before 1980, also.
The closeness experienced by some that I lived with was extremely tight by the mid 90's. We were in a sense "like family," although now I see it as an illusion. It is, however, inevitable to not have felt a "deep bond," when you lived with some people for close to 20 years.
There was no doubt a strong element of a personality cult. For instance, many of you speak of L. as someone who, in the earlier years, established her presence but was simply another staff member (perhaps a quite a bit stronger than others). By the 90's she definitely "sat on the right hand of God" for many that were still around. As a matter of fact, for some she became a living myth that was more respected than art (for sure by the late 90's).
I was one of the followers; it is as simple as that. I do believe that one of the reasons I was not in any "inner circle" was because I was not a doctor or lawyer or had money. I made my way on my own and academically accomplished my career and personal goals despite, as previous have claimed, that staff did try to hold me back from accomplishing those goals.
(to be continued)
cleveland:
Hey Whatever,
I hope to hear more from you. I really appreciate your posting.
I have learned so much from this forum, that's all I can say. It's a gift to be able to be myself, to think my thoughts, to choose my influences.
I used to feel ashamed of my time at the Seed, that it was evidence of my being a loser. Not anymore. Especially through this forum, I have come to terms with the years that I spent as a part of the Seed. I was just trying to be happy and good, and to believe in something.
So, keep it coming!
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