Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum
Fresh blood
GregFL:
Hey Screwup74, long time no hear. Glad to have you back and posting...
Anonymous:
Wow, I just found this forum. It was so weird, I was talking to my sister about the seed the other day and then there was a show on drug rehabs. I decided to look up the seed to see if it still existed.
That was a hellish time in my life. I was at SR84 around '72 or '73. I'm not certain of the exact year. My parents stuck me in there. I swear, I thought I was having a seriously long nightmare for a couple of months, then reality sank in.
You'll have to excuse my garbled memories of things, I have repressed this stuff for a long time. Do you remember after you were there for a week or so you had to stand up in an open meeting and tell everyone the drugs you did, how long you did them, what you were like "on the street" and how much you learned since you arrived at the glorious seed? My first time, when I got to the part about what I had learned I said "nothing and I would rather be back on the street". Libby came over to me (if looks could kill I'd be dead) and said do it again and do it right. So I said the same thing the second time. She said I was gonna get it the next day. Boy did I ever, they screamed at me for hours. I think every person in there took a turn. Alas, that was not to be my last time either.....
Oh man, memories are flooding back. I don't know about the guys, but remember the girls would hold your hand when you went to the bathroom....or anywhere for that matter. And those stinking papers you had to write at night...moral inventories or something like that. All those dumbass songs we had to sing.
I remember being in groups with Robert (? black guy). I mean, granted I did a lot of drugs, but I wasn't a bottomless pit of stories. If I didn't have my hand raised every five minutes he would call on me and say "Come on Cyndi, I know you did some bad shit out there" I got to the point where I would make up stories.
I never bought into their brainwashing. When I got out the first time I still did a few drugs and was much less of a wild child. I was too freaked out to see any of my old friends. I went to a different school. Then I got put in there again, which was even worse.......(especially since I had Jethro Tull tix sitting at home) Oddly enough, I remember less about the second time around....my emotional defenses are very strong and if something traumatizes me I likely will block it out. So, who knows what happened.
I really do think that place damaged me emotionally, as well as other things in my life. Most of which probably wouldn't have happened, if I hadn't led the life I was living at the time. They would say really vile things to people. I don't know anyone from that time anymore.
Thankfully, the hardest stuff I do now is a good glass of wine or maybe a beer. I have a great husband and am very happy.
Sorry, I didn't intend on vomiting on everyone. This was just such a shock.
GregFL:
Thank you so much for posting Cindy. I was in in 73 also but in St Pete.
Do me a favor, think back to something that happened when you were there that seemed big to you at the time and post the story. Also choose a user name.
We look forward to your participation here!. Where do you live now?
Ican'tTalktoYou:
This is Cyndi again, I now have a user name. In light of the forum, I think that my user name choice is apropos.
Well, I got "stood up" a number of times. That first time after the open house, one of the staff members said they were going to cut my hair and nails off. It may have been Libby. My reply was "touch me and I'll kill you".
Kinda lived with me for quite a while after she tried to kill herself (this was later on). I felt like I had to protect her. Even at 13 or 14, whatever I was, I couldn't believe that her parents kept her there after that. This was no cry for help, this was I want to die. I worried about her all the time. That has stayed with me all these years.
I've think my ability to get close to people and to trust was seriously affected by that place.
When I say I thought I was having an extended nightmare I am not kidding. I walked around in a daze for a couple of months and really thought I was going to wake up at home.
I was tackle and stuffed in the car by my parents and uncle. They sat on either side of me on the drive from Jacksonville to Ft. Laud. At a gas station I stated screaming that I was kidnapped. Good thing I wasn't because no one did anything.
I know that my parents were at their wits end with me and didn't know where to turn. I was really pretty bad. In some ways I got what I deserved because the only other alternative I can think of was that I would be busted and put in the juvy system.
I'm very close to my mom now and also to my dad when he was alive. He died in 2001.
So, something that seemed big? It all did and didn't at the same time. I've always been one of those people that adapts and keeps going. I knew that if I just kept plugging along I would eventually get out.
When I started school down there it was pretty traumatic. I went to Miami Beach High School (or something like that) I remember cute surf guys coming up to me to talk and there was ALWAYS a seed person around. So, I'd have to give them the speech and feel like a complete and utter idiot. I remember one of them saying, "not you too" and he walked off. For a high school age kid that seemed traumatic at the time. I'd have to walk around everyday at school feeling like an outcast.
When I finally got home, my room had been stipped. All that was left was a pair of hemostats. My parents didn't know what they were. I had a really good laugh at that. All my posters, bongs, papers and concert stubs were gone, but the roach clip remained.
marshall:
There was a small item in this week's Time magazine that immediately brought the seed to mind:
"Let Us Trim Our Hair in Accordance with Socialist Lifestyle." ....Title of a TV series in North Korea where the government is directing men to see their barbers twice a month.
Then I remembered that some congressmen of the time compared the seed's methods to North Korean brainwashing....and this made the connection even stronger. So they made the girls trim their hair too? I never knew that. "Let us trim our hair in accordance with Seed lifestyle."
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version