if you had a child like yourself........

[Alicat]

would you send them to Elan? if not, what would you do?

[Pinkalici0us]

Hell no, they would not be sent to Elan.. .All I can say is, my child is definitely NOT going to be like me in those negative ways.  I don`t know what I would do, because I`m not in that situation yet `n don`t want to think of being in that situation.  Maybe I`d send them to the Phlippines with my mother so he/she could get a reality check of what he/she has in America.

[Anonymous]

If I had a kid who was like me i'd know how to keep my head on and take the stuff I did with a grain of salt. If it was for real though, and they had to go to a school, it wouldn't be that one, it would be a place that allowed for individuality and more than one disposition to thrive, namely the aggressive alpha male/alpha female personality.

[Anonymous]

no i would not...
actually,
my parents later admitted that i did not belong in elan, and that they put me there so as to not have to be responsible for me...
they admitted to have been going through a selfish period.


so no...normal kids like i was should not have to go there....but i do think that the bad and/or crazy kids should go there.

[mandyelan3]

If my sweet girls pulled the same crap I did I would not hesitate to ship them to Maine. I of course would use that as a last resort. I love my kids and I work very hard everyday to teach my children what is right. I hope they continue on their wonderful paths but if they started doing what I was doing OH MY GOD they would see a moose crossing sign so quick.

[Cynthia]

Where else, can you send a kid, who gets stoned all day, refuses to go to school and is basically homeless because they don't like rules, or their parents.
I had a very hard time finding a place that would take on a kid who threatened to run away.
I don't regret it for a moment, nor does he.

[Alicat]

well, not to put blame on anyone here or to have you ex-Elaners blame others, but let's think objectively- do you think your behavior as children was a result in the way your parents did something? And Cindy, I don't know your situation, but do you think you did anything as a parent that could have in turn caused your child to act the way that he did? I have two kids, so I am honestly thinking now about what I do or do not want to do when they get older. I know for me that I acted similar to how you describe your son, Cindy. I dropped out of school, stayed up all night, slept all day, hated my parents( especially my Mother who I lived with), partied too much etc.....and this was a result that I was not engaged in anything productive in life. I was not involved in sports, clubs, nothing....and I think this forced me to look outside of "the norm" to find myself an identity. Also, my Mother lovd me, but was not very attentive to me or my needs, and suffered mental issues which I had to see first hand for years. So what about you guys, what was the cause of your actions? was it also a result of parenting issues and home life?

[Coldprecision]

for me, it was my self-esteem and lack of identity... and i could definately go into the psychology of it all, i was adopted, i have abandonment issues, yada yada yada, but the reality of the situation is this... there are a lot of people who have the same issues we all did... there are a lot of people who grew up with shitty parents or abusive parents or didn't have an identity, or this that or the other... everyone has a story... fact remains, not everyone ended up in elan, and not everyone coped the way we coped... therefore, the blame lies solely within ourselves... we didnt cope, we tried to look for the easy way out whether it was sleeping around, drugs, quitting on everything, giving up on ourselves, not wanting to compete, not wanting to work hard for the things we wanted, not wanting to work hard to live up to expectations, etc... we quit, we took the easy way out, and we got what we deserved... or let me rephrase that... we put ourselves in the situations we were in... not our circumstances, not our parents, us...

[Chrysta]

i totally agree with Matt. That seems to be the difference between the people who hate elan and are still angry and those who take it for what it was, say thank you, and move on. Responsibility. If you own your actions, the fault can only lie within yourself. I put myself in the position to be where I was and I got myself out. I would send my kids to Elan in a heart beat if I knew they were as troubled as I was. What else can a parent do when we as children tie their hands. My parents tried everything before Elan. Elan was a last resort option for me, as it was for many. I could only hope that if I become in the same position with one of my three children, I would be as smart and tough loving as my parents were.

[MarenD]

Well, elan now sounds like a resort. I don't think my kid would ever turn out as bad I was, and I do understand now why I was sent there after years of confusion and blaming my parents.  I don't think I would send my kid to a place like elan unless there was a chance that their behavior would result in death.

[Pete]

No, I would not send my child to Elan... EVER.  Though I acknowledge vast amount of good that Elan did me and like Chrysta, I know I put myself there, I still don't think a parent should have the right to institutionalize his or her child for up to three-plus years and make him or her miss out on the most formative years of his/her life.  Only the judicial system should be allowed to do that.

I wouldn't hesitate to send my child to rehab, a psych hospital or even another therapeutic school.  But knowing what I know about the Elan experience, the psychological irresponsibility of some of the staff (read: Tania Merette, Marty Kruglik, Jenn Cushman) and the placement of a trained therapist's role in ill-equipped teenaged hands, I would not send my kid to Elan.  I don't think I could part with my kid for three years anyway.

I know some people will say, "What if your kid was going to die, etc. etc."  Bottom line: Very few troubled teens die and many just grow out of it, some with treatment, some without it.  It's not worth three years of a kid's life.

[Pete]

You too, Art.  It's good to hear about your kids too... I am dreading becoming the parent of teenagers because knowing how I was at that age, karma will be a bitch!

[Pete]

Thanks, Art.  God bless you too.

[Cynthia]

Hi Alicat, yes, parenting had a huge impact on my son. His father is a HEAVY drinker. I divorced him when my son was two. He would see him once a week, and that was plenty. When my son was about 13, hanging out at his fathers house became really cool. There were not any rules. No internet supervision,home alone for a couple weekends a month(PARTY!!!!!!!!!!)
My EX, hates me SO much still after 17 years. He just told my son the other day, that he would buy me a gun with one bullet so I could kill myself. He really has serious issues! Is there any wonder why my son got high everyday?
 He (the father) would undermine my disipline and tell my son horrible things about me.
Had they been true, It still would not be something an adult would EVER discuss with a child. He did a pretty good job of messing with my poor kids head.
Me on the other hand, became the bad parent. The one with rules and consequences.  The one who attended the horrible school conferences, received the bad report cards, and have to deal with the problem alone. I was "The bad guy".
 When parents don't work together for the best interest of their children, a disaster is sure to happen.

[MarenD]

WHy do you put such personal info up for ppl to read. I like you, based on this site, I think that sharing your life story so that literally anyone on earth can read it might be scary. I like you because you are honest. I just want you to be careful. Feel free to message me. I got out of elan about 5 years ago.[ This Message was edited by: MarenD on 2004-12-31 01:29 ]