Post Seed Relationships

[cleveland]

I wanted to see if this topic might be of interest. I wonder how many people might have had post-Seed issues with forming romantic relationships.

I assume it would be different for different people, depending on your age and circumstance.

For myself, 7 years as a Seedling, with rigid hierarchy and sex roles, had not prepared me well for life post-Seed. At the age of 26 I left the Seed, and my last 'date' had been when I was 18! (Also the last time I'd had any kind of meaningful friendship with someone of the opposite sex).

I had re-enrolled in college, and was very slowly building new friendships with people, but I was very careful about what I said about my past - "Oh, I was living in Florida and hanging out with friends, trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, I guess." I did a lot of things I would NEVER have done in my 'druggie' past, that's for sure - singing in the college glee club, writing for the college paper - I would have been afraid that those things weren't cool - now I didn't care (thank you Seed for showing me both sides of 'being cool!). But I was in danger of becoming that shy, serious older student your mother warned you about. I needed to date! The loneliness was killing me. When I summoned the courage to ask someone out, it was inevitable - I 'fell in love' with the first women who said yes. When I summoned the courage to tell her about my Seed past, it really changed everything - I think she always saw me as some kind of a freak. I'm afraid this happened more than once. Of course I had lots of non-Seed issues here too - can't blame Art for everything!

I think the Seed prepared me to be a friend - I know a lot about how people thought and I knew a TON about peer pressure and acceptance (thanks Seed!) but I really didn't know jack about male/female relationships.

The Seed had strictly segregated men from women, so I had no recent experience with friendship with women, let alone 'relationships.'

Oh, another thing - the Seed didn't deal well at all with the possibility that some of the Seedlings might be gay - there was kind of a macho culture. Since sex of any kind (except in marriages sanctioned by Art, of which I knew of exactly three in my time) was out of the question, I can only imagine what someone struggling with sexual identity went through.

Just wondering what others may have experienced...

[Jimmy Cusick]

Sex and the Seed, this should be a very short posting. Ha-ha-ha. I was 15 when I went in the Seed and 18 when I lost my virginity so that tells you how my romantic life went during my involvment with the seed. I was good friends with my left hand.

     When I was seventeen I was a seed graduate involved in the Cleveland Seed(1976). At that point I had not dated a girl because it was shunned by literally everyone involved, especially staff members. My senior prom was coming up and I asked Maryanne ------(a seed graduate) to go, she accepted and I looked forward to the dance. She approached me within a month and told me she was pregnant with a child from Steve -----(a seed graduate)and the 2 of them were getting married with Suzy Conners permission. She then told me that she was looking forward to going to the prom with me and I freaked. So the prom night I was so looking forward to became a friendly get together and as you might imagine sex was out of the picture. I remained close friends with Steve and Maryanne until my Marine corps days. When I was home on leave once I spent time "Hangin out" with Maryanne while Steve was at work, we went to the zoo with her daughter and spent quality seed time together. Just like the first 2 years in the seed, I talked to girls and never thought of having sex, so it was with my time with Maryanne. When I left for 3 years in Hawaii I said my Good-byes to both of them and missed them my whole time in the military. When I returned in 1980 I tried to track them down, I eventually went to the "Winton Place " where maryanne's parents lived and lo and behold she answered the door. She told me face to face that something had happened between me and her and Steve and she didnt want to talk about it nor did she think we should see each other. I was flabbergasted and didnt say a word except goodbye. I later found out by Lee --------- (another girl graduate) that Steve was extremely jealous and beat her on occassions. That contributed to the destruction of having close friends from the seed. What started out as a really cool friendship turned into a disaster

     I didnt plan on writing about that when I started but I guess it was "supposed to" happen. I havent thought about those events in many years so I'm glad I vented them

[GregFL]

Thanks for the story Jimmy.

Sex in the seed.

Sigh. I hit puberty as a recent oldcomer. That distracted me a bit from my seed issues. This, combined with all the weirdness in "boys rap", the bulshit talk about flirting bieng "gamey" and a miriad of other non normal bullshit from there left me crippled around women for about a year. Then I moved to Ft Lauderdale and started getting a little here and there, then all of a sudden women were everywhere and available.

I really feel sorry for you long termers who were effectively nutered for no good reason during your sexual infancy.  This was really unfair IMO to a normal emerging adult, to be convinced that sex was dirty, "gamey" and somehow wrong.

BULLSHIT.

[Tony Stark]

It was a match game made before some of them were newcomers.It was a gang that were all sexually active with each other as teenagers.Some met up before and after the Seed. It was cult sex.

The Bible and the Church have been the greatest stumbling blocks in the way of women's emancipation.
--Elizabeth Cady-Stanton

[Jimmy Cusick]

I must say that Art Barker had very good taste in Women, He chose nothing but the finest as staff members. Sex was put on the shelf for the entire time I was in the seed. We never talked about it. Its true that I fantasized about alot of girls and masturbated in the shower but I was in fact trying to "clean" up my thinking and behavior at the insistence of the seed staff. Seedlings were supposed to have high morals and ideals, actually close to perfection.

I do wish I would have been more sexually active in my teen-age years but to look on the bright side I put my energy into being more productive in other area's.

[cleveland]

I always worry when this subject comes up (sex). Obviously, a powerful and taboo matter, especially when we were adolescents and especially as Seedlings. I appreciate the honesty that people approach this with. Yes, it was tough to be 'in denial' about sexuality as a Seedling - it was also kind of cool to attempt to treat women with respect. Even though it was in many ways misguided, I do remember trying so hard to be 'classy,' (Art's word) when it came to women. One of the things that really bothered me before I went into the Seed was that the 'peace, love and happiness' of the hippy generation had become sleazy scoring in the 70s. I realize not everybody thinks that was a bad thing but I was an emotional kid and couldn't separate sex from feelings.

[GregFL]

How about having sex AND respect?

According to the seed, that was impossible, except for Art of course.

What a racket!

[Robin Martin]

On 2004-12-15 04:09:00, Jimmy Cusick wrote:

...but to look on the bright side I put my energy into being more productive in other area's."

Right on!!...and, to borrow a verse from one of those infamous songs we use to sing "that's what it's all about". Seriously, I did not need to be distracted thinking about relationships or sex.  I needed to concentrate on ME. Not playing games or being flirty, but to be alone, without ANY distractions to my recovery. Let me tell you, I was 'boy crazy' and it was very difficult!

I was not a virgin when I came in but, like everyone else, became celibate during my enrollment. Once I graduated, I felt able to make my own choices as far as sex and relationships.  I had learned to respect myself and my male friends around me.  I remember discussing the topic w/ my Seed 'boyfriend' for many weeks before mutually agreeing to having sex.

Many 'normal' people use relationships and/or sex as a crutch, if you will, to avoid feeling pain and/or confrontation with their feelings of inadequacy.  Do not argue this fact with me, I know persons with this shortcoming.

We all know of women that are beaten but remain w/ their partners because they have no self worth and lack the courage to pick up and go.  What about the woman who is cheated on repeatedly but lets him come home because 'she loves him' and accepts his promises (again) and thinking "someday he'll change."

How about the men, whose women run their lives, substituting for the mothers they never had but wanted so dearly. These men are so insecure and in such need of being loved, they let their women emasculate them.  They have forgotten what it feels like to stand up and behave like a man.    

Combined w/ the fundamental Seed (sex) teaching and the wisdom I've gained w/ age (?), I really don't have a brain hemorrhage deciding what's best for me, be it having a little fling or choosing a relationship.

I KNOW you males are hard-wired a little different than us females,  :grin: but being able to discuss HONESTLY if you're desiring a committed relationship or just a "roll in the hay" it takes a "Man and a Woman" to mutually make that decision together.

On that note - no, the Seed didn't screw up my sex life, I did.  But, I learned how to control my feelings and channel in the right direction.
[ This Message was edited by: Robin Martin on 2004-12-15 20:49 ][ This Message was edited by: Robin Martin on 2004-12-15 20:51 ][ This Message was edited by: Robin Martin on 2004-12-15 20:53 ]

[Robin Martin]

On 2004-12-15 20:49:00, Robin Martin wrote:
On that note - no, the Seed didn't screw up my sex life, I did.  But, I learned how to control my feelings and channel in the right direction.

This last line sounds a little freaky so I'm editing it.  What I meant to say was "my sex life, of which I had none, in the Seed was a good thing for me and directed me to focus directly on what I needed."

[GregFL]

Sure robin I can see how abstaining for 6 months while working on yourself could be in order..now imagine you were there 10 years with the same "no sex" rule. How about 15? 20?

That is what the longtimers subjected themselves to in order to be one of the chosen ones.

Hell, I get cranky after two or three days of no sex.

 :grin: