I remember an old Steve Martin routine called "Let's Get Small," where he replaced the word stoned with the word small. Well, sad to say, I am not gonna do that or even try to be funny. I just needed a title for what I feel like writing about right now. I think in the end we will all feel a little smaller, and if all goes well, just a little bit uncomfortable.
I have been a member of this forum for 3 years or so and there has only been ONE instance that I know of that a PARENT actually came onto the board and expressed themselves. Their handle was Snow White I believe. She expressed deep regret at the harmful effects that the program had placed on her son, got some advice and then moved on. I bet she sleeps pretty damn good too.
How about your parents? Do you even talk to them, or is it more like you see them mostly during the holidays out of some perverse sense of "owing" it to them, or to give off the impression of being a 'good normal family.' One in which it was 'okay' to house the rebelious teens in a warehouse until they "got with the program, cut their hair, brought them grades up and made a parent proud?"
"Golly Gee Willikers Mom, this is the best stuffing ever!" "Hey dad!,I can't believe you actually bought a Segway," "The Jone's don't stand a chance against you!" And we all kick back our heads like giant Pez dispensers and laugh, and laugh. Then, through the power of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, the alarm clock rings and pulls me abruptly out of the nightmare.
In the real world, my step-mom would probably say something stupid to set me off and try to disguise it as "simple curiousity," and would be sitting there gurgling like a fish because she has a face full of butternut squash and dad is at the head of the table practicing his Thousand Yard Stare while I do a much better re-make of the Animal House Cafeteria Food Fight.
Now I don't know about the rest of you, but my family is pretty much in denial of the whole issue of Straight. I sent my dad a post card and sent one to the older sister as well. With my sis, I left her my e-mail, but hav'nt heard nothing yet. I don't call them, because the sound of their voice makes me wanna pound beers like I'm a college pledge during Rush Week. I have seen alot of folks throwing their two cents around about Documentaries, Film Projects, Court Cases, Morgan Colling and Gilbert and lastly Montel Williams. After all that is said and done, I just got one thing to ask......... What about Mom & Dad? Do you trundle over to their house for that primo Michelob and Heineken? All that free food, and fancy appetisers? How much alcohol does it take to drown your pride and douse the fire where your self respect once burned bright?
I would LOVE to see double postings of parent to Survivor, just for the sheer trippiness of it. Holy Dogshit! imagine Animal's parent coming in here, or our dear Powerful Attitudes mommy come in and scold him for his twisted sexual ineundo's,
and for the grand prize, maybe a few parents actually OUTING some of these loftly ANONYMOUS posters, maybe dredging up some funny shit like the time they caught them burning themselves with a soldering iron so they could get out of group with "Chicken Pox."
Hey, the sky's the limit, but the buck stops here when it comes to family gatherings. Oh you'll hear them say, "Because it's Christmas," Does this mean I can come up to the house at 90MPH and smash the livin shit out of every relatives car and yell, "Because it's NASCAR!!!!!?
" I better stop, now because there is just no stopping how much I hate the holidays. Please don't feel bad for me, feel happy, because this really is therapuedic, (trust me it is....)
Merry Christmas, Bob in St. Pete
