Write to Dr. Phil!!

[Anonymous]

Absolutely correct Buzz.
Anon, would you say the same about Jews who experienced the Holocaust and tell their stories over and over? Do you perceive the retelling of their horrendous oppression to be an indication that they are 'playing a victim'?

To be angry about being victimized is perfectly normal and cathartic. Many have to go through this phase before they just 'give it up'. Part of recovery.

And, in the big picture; What business is it of yours what survivors do or talk about? What is your vested interest in them 'moving on'? Are you distressed by the fact that they aren't silent? Are you a control freak, armchair psychologist, who mistakenly believes that you can silence them all with your ignoramous comments? Were those comments intended to guilt or shame? Shame on yourself.

Takes all kinds, but telling one's survivor story is not an indication that one is still a victim. Many can learn from others experiences.

Activism for any oppressed group requires the telling of the story...over and over and over again. There are many people to educate when it comes to making change. Thank god our many activist heroes of the past didn't listen to you OR Dr Phil. Presuming you're a woman, it's possible that you wouldn't have the right to be hear voicing any kind of opinion at all, much less an ignorant one.

[Anonymous]

Shame on ME??   Shame on YOU for even remotley relating yourself to victims of the holocaust! Good God.  That is LUDICROUS!  Seriously.  What an INSULT to those people.

[Anonymous]

There you go off the deep end, just like a good program junkie.
You obviously and totally missed the point. Hopefully anyone who this thread is relevant to, will be able to identify the difference. And if they can't, they're looking for a parent pity-party boat to jump on.

[Anonymous]

When I got out of Straight, My family never talked about Straight again. I just relized last week when I looked Straight up online, I saw the stories and I started to remember my experience at Straight. I still thought that the things they did was ok before last week. I have lived my life with abuse. My parents never hit eachother and I always wondered why I got with abusive people. I have not got any help! I have not gotton over it! I am just now dealing with what they did to me, and because I didnt see that I was abused. Yes I am angry. I am not past this and when I am. I will stop posting. Last week, I wanted to kill myself when I thought about this shit. The scares on my arms remind me everyday of the crap I endured and I have to tell my kids where the scars came from. Some of us are not over this. The people that had to grow up in a perfect type leave it to beaver type family, maybe they have been wearing rose colored glasses like me. I asked my mother yesturday why she put me there and she started crying saying that she didnt know it was so bad. She never once in the last 16 years say that it was not ok how they treated me. She acted like nothing was wrong.

[spots]

I think one of the necessary recovery acts in "getting over" these cults is a single, simple, "I'm sorry" from the parent who sent you there.  It means the same whether stated as the family drives away with their kid who they have rescued, the gruesome facility fading into the distance out the back window, or stated late one holiday evening 15 years later as the parent and child are alone in the kitchen, cleaning up the last of the dishes from a large family gathering.  Most parents will truly say they did not know, or did not believe...and I think they also truly feel, "I'm sorry".

[webcrawler]

On 2005-01-12 15:12:00, Anonymous wrote:

" I know where Dr. Phil should welcome you...  a show that is about "playing the victim", and never getting past it.

 

  IF you were abused and/or torured in these programs, that's awful. BUT for MOST of you it's been a DECADE or more.  YOU are an adult and should have sought help in dealing and moving ON by now.



  I'd LOVE to hear what Dr. Phil would say,with some of you on his show. I'd PAY MONEY!"

As for myself I pushed all the program stuff down inside me and 14 years later I started thinking about it after some major changes in my life. So to say that people should move on is easier said than done.

I bet a lot of people dealt with the trauma of being in these horrible programs by blocking it out, only to have all the pain resurface years later after a tragic or painful event.

[Anonymous]

Easier to SAY how awful it was and bitch and complain than to actually DEAL with it professionally and as an adult.

  I was in one of these programs- was never abused, never witnessed abuse, and actually learned a LOT from my experience. I've never felt the "victim".  I took what applied and made great changes in my attitude, and self image.  What did NOT apply to me, I disreguarded.  I've been FINE ever since, in fact made and have kept MANY friends from my days there.

  I just don't see any point to the posts I've seen here swearing vengence on founders, staff, etc.  Very child-like behaviors.  Don't understand the mentality.

[Nihilanthic]

Wow, youre a tool.

Um... if they were abused, they deserve justice. If there is abuse now, it should be stopped. You have any reasons why it should be allowed to continue?

Also, If someone was badly hurt while locked up in a place they cant escape from, why the hell do you think they hate them so much?

Hands that help are far better then lips that pray.
--Robert G. Ingersoll, American politician and lecturer

[Gah]

[ This Message was edited by: Ex5k on 2005-06-14 14:25 ]

[chi3]

realize everone's experience in these places can be different. if you weren't abused, see abuse, etc., great! but don't ever tell others who have been abused to get over it, it's not true. how dare you? i have never been in one of these programs, but have lived in an abusive marriage. no, i'm not over it, and that's o.k. we all take different rates of time to heal. do not put down some one that has had a different experience than you. you can not possibly know how they feel.

[Anonymous]

If you re-read the post, you'll see that NO WHERE did I write "get over it".  DEAL with it and move on is what was written.  BIG DIFFERENCE.

  It appears that many of you choose NOT to deal with your issues, except to complain, and gripe on this site, etc.   Sure, maybe it helps to spew a bit... but YEARS of posts??! Where has that gotten anyone?  How many programs have the people posting on this site shut down??  

 It seems black or white -- since some of you had what you say it abuse in a program, ALL programs are abusive!  I say that's not true... it's NOT all black or white.

[Timoclea]

On 2005-01-14 06:37:00, Anonymous wrote:

" If you re-read the post, you'll see that NO WHERE did I write "get over it".  DEAL with it and move on is what was written.  BIG DIFFERENCE.



  It appears that many of you choose NOT to deal with your issues, except to complain, and gripe on this site, etc.   Sure, maybe it helps to spew a bit... but YEARS of posts??! Where has that gotten anyone?  How many programs have the people posting on this site shut down??  



 It seems black or white -- since some of you had what you say it abuse in a program, ALL programs are abusive!  I say that's not true... it's NOT all black or white."

Of course it's not.

There *are* things that require residential care and there *is* such a thing as good residential care.

But Stockholm Syndrome is no substitute for real care, confrontational "therapy" is generally terribly inferior to supportive therapy, and whatever a person's problems, adding PTSD on top of it is not an improvement.

The "Program" model of treatment has some serious problems.

What showing up and bitching on Fornits does is:
1) Increases consumer awareness of the problems
2) provides a clearing house for actual news regarding the various programs
3) provides support for friends, family, and survivors dealing with programs and their aftermath
4) allows brainstorming about possible solutions
5) just plain gives someplace to vent

Sometimes I post because I'm here anyway to check for real news.  I might as well.

Sometimes I post because the solution to the speech of Program cheerleaders is more speech.

Fornits may not shut programs down, but it does support family members who try to get their loved ones back out of programs---Paige's son's sister, Amanda, is a good example.  It provides real information so that if you're debating a particular program with people who don't generally come here, you can provide a link and the people you're talking to can read what people who've actually been there, recently, say about that particular program.  It helps convince some individual parents to choose better, safer options for their child's care.

Advocacy and activism *do* make real changes in the world.  They make them slowly, like water dripping on limestone, but they do make them.

Timoclea

Enlighten the people generally, and tyranny and oppression of both mind and body will vanish like evil spirits at the dawn of day
http://laissezfairebooks.com/product.cfm?op=view&pid=FF7485&aid=10247' target='_new'> Thomas Jefferson

[webcrawler]

On 2005-01-13 18:09:00, Anonymous wrote:

"  Easier to SAY how awful it was and bitch and complain than to actually DEAL with it professionally and as an adult.



  I was in one of these programs- was never abused, never witnessed abuse, and actually learned a LOT from my experience. I've never felt the "victim".  I took what applied and made great changes in my attitude, and self image.  What did NOT apply to me, I disreguarded.  I've been FINE ever since, in fact made and have kept MANY friends from my days there.



  I just don't see any point to the posts I've seen here swearing vengence on founders, staff, etc.  Very child-like behaviors.  Don't understand the mentality."

I don't think all programs are abusive, but the one I was in was abusive. Not so much to me, but I witnessed unethical things being done to others. I do consider it abusive that I was held in a program for 22 months. 22 months is way too long and I feel it was done so I could be a babysitter for the new girls in the program and the money. I did everything I was supposed to do in that place, yet they still kept me there way to long. It started causing me to mentally fall apart.

I came to the boards looking for old friends, not to seek vengenance as you say some do.

[webcrawler]

On 2005-01-13 19:36:00, Ex5k wrote:

"Oh I have been in a place like that! I mean what anon is talking about. It is called a psychiatric hospital. I do not know how many times I have gone to them after Straight. Those hopitals are great! We get to watch T.V., talk, read, go potty when we need to, In fact I do not think I recall being abused in one. I am glad that you have not been in the same place I have been. I would never wish it apon anyone. I wonder why I am acting like a child in these posts? Maybe a professional could help us. HAHA![ This Message was edited by: Ex5k on 2005-01-13 19:39 ]"

I was in a hospital myself before Straight and agree things were so much better. Those damn Tough Love brainwashed families convinced my mom I needed Straight. LOL.

[chi3]

krystene,

what "school" were you in? what years were you there? what kinds of abusive things did you see? was it just the beh. modification abuse or did you see physical abuse also? i really am interested.. please tell me all you feel comfortable with sharing. thank you